Box Man
A Wor(l)d of Many Wor(l)ds
Their words cut through my dictionary like a
knife. Slowly I learned the words related to
“decoloniality,” which they had also learned
recently in class. I didn’t understand the joke
of the Dutchman who said “Sorry, we also want
a World of Many Worlds.” My world was cut apart
again. I wondered if theirs was cut apart at all.
White on White (1918) (after Mika Tajima)
Living as if life itself is white on white,
or perhaps white beneath – a backdrop
where the sleeping infant forgets games,
and the home’s cat treats him
as a sturdy climbing frame.
Commuting between office and home,
life resembles an abstract painting.
Stepping into a gender-neutral restroom
does not equate to true neutrality;
the life I anticipated does not exist in reality.
My body, racialized and flattened,
as if being stared at in a mirror forever,
thin as a road-flattened bird.
Yellow isn’t as eye-catching as supposed;
more often, it’s an afternoon or a seltzer.
Flat Asian features,
a testament to universality, adaptability,
and economic efficiency.
When does an ordinary whiteboard capture attention?
When the white boss contemplates
its acoustic isolation as he masturbates in the office,
considering its ability to rotate along the horizontal axis
like in a colossal game:
he can watch the outside without being seen.
When the artist slashes it open,
does the Balenciaga ad prompt tonight’s date
to buy a bag? The wandering Chinese painter –
whose portrait will he paint next,
or will he sketch another Van Gogh?
Besides when moving becomes inevitable,
who cares if IKEA furniture also besieges us,
seeming suspicious, or is it
like a child’s game of hide and seek?
Transit
On my first night back in Holland,
the fresh air felt chilly, revolting,
as if it had been scrubbed with bleach.
My bitterness, choked by heat haze,
inhaled in my hometown, tied again
in dead knots on the idle flight, even harder
to expel. I wanted to write light
poems, but they always seemed
weighty.
Betrayal of Whiteness (after Moby-Dick)
Today my name is Betrayal.
So pondered the captain’s first harpooner.
The captain was a haunted soul,
yearning to be consumed by a spectral whale
on this vast canvas of snow. A pursuit, a torment.
Seek me, please. This ivory silence.
I see my shipmate, cloaked in the pallor of that same
persistent whiteness, gripping the helm
to chase. Rush, rush –
his eyes are absent. Beneath his hat, staring blankly.
Cut Piece (1964)
The Vanishing Point (after Hieu Minh Nguyen)
Where is my orgasm? / i ask my chinese lover / silence answers / words fail to reach / in this world without sound / or we’re dizzy / from high blood sugar / we ate too many desserts / too real & unreal / c a n i f e e l y o u? / between us / a hard white mirror / I already know or not yet / but how do we surrender? / tell me / it’s not a sign of death’s coming / or its shadow passed / we exist / as two chameleons / with outlines dissolving / toeless, noseless, mouthless / unable to pass through / no tears at this world’s brink / only the stark white of a movie screen / is there also a boundless white desert there? / our bodies’ direction / & eyes’ gaze / forced into sameness / what lies at the end? / home / or a place that never was? / yet our sights & forms / vanish there / contract there / shiver there / where? / elsewhere / even parallel lines / might meet there / where? / blam / listen carefully / blam zhoom / gunshots ring out there / our arms still stretch / towards there / an unknown starry sky / covered with polka dots / as if asking / where are you from?
Common Cup
When I marinated myself in alcohol,
I drafted a missing person notice for myself.
Swollen, I turned into a translucent membrane, invisible to all.
And I wouldn’t tell you –
When I showered in the public water fountain,
When the blue eyeshadow of revelry was washed away,
My body, though swollen, was like a single-celled organism,
Turning the city’s liquids into stories of intoxication,
And no one could tell –
When the sewer’s grease dissolved in my body,
When the howls of stray dogs became imitations of my speech.
They dubbed me a sprite in shallow, stagnant waters.
Who says sprites can’t be as wicked as we?
Who? Who are they?
Clumps of suffocating, white fat bow to me in reverence.
Hmm, their flesh lacks chewiness.
I spray, I spit, I urinate.
A few policemen guard all my transgressions,
I merge with the metal and vinyl around me.
Church bells toll,
Rust infects the entire city.