User:Inge Hoonte/Notes Daan

Daan 10/10

Disclaimer: my notes on your text and work became a bit of free-flow soup, my apologies.

Paragraph: "I am standing the edge of a cliff and now is the moment to jump off. (...) think about my biggest fears" Beautiful metaphor to start your thesis with. I also remember from your introduction week presentation, you said something about leaving the nest, finding a home, not feeling at home anywhere. These seem intertwined, and strongly come back in your text.

About the text
As a script, I miss the setting, description of surroundings, props, etc. Some of this might be more appropriate for voice over? This comes to mind more because you were sitting next to Loes in class, and your work started to co-mingle just now in my mind. Maybe your actors don't have to say anything.

It's incredibly honest about not belonging, and the attempt to connect to people while pushing them away at the same time.

Makes me think of Richard Linklater - Slacker (1991)

Some passages that stick out to me
It can't decide who he prefers, me or my brother and we both keep rejecting him. (this can also refer to Rotterdam, or the sense of being at home)
The cold purifying water extinguishes the flaming lies in my body.
Fuck them, I don't need them.
I feel like I’m floating through the carcass of a gigantic whale, I slide towards his stomach and can’t stop myself.
silently they watch me sliding to the end
I wish somebody would stop me
(attempt to approach new people) ... I ask her with pain in my stomach. (then pushes her away with asshole remarks)
all their eyes are kicking me in the stomach
everyone spits on me
they all want me to fuck off
I am such an asshole
I'm in no control of my body, I am motionless
I fall down in eternal darkness
motherliness (loneliness?

Response to questions
I wonder if it might help you more to make small sketches the coming weeks. Rather than setting out with this heavy weight (or at least that's my interpretation of your text thusfar) to make a feature film, documentary film, fiction film, these grand ideas that can baffle one to even get started. Focus on small inklings of ideas you have, things you wonder about, stuff that sparks you. I think that came back in the short film about the ball. You saw something simple, you did something more with it, you explored angles. I'm saying this more because this helped me make a collage-like, vignette video piece, of which I showed a scene in the intro week. I think for beginning script writers, or people who generally write short stories like myself, it can be daunting to set out and write one big narrative that always 'makes sense.' Letting go of making sense and impressing others is what will get you off the cliff, as you already seem to suggest in your questions and paragraph. The sketches might lead you to scenes for a longer film, or a 56-channel video installation, who knows.