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=why I write=
=Thesis proposal: Writing the Image=


1.
latest: https://docs.google.com/document/d/17f8B3_IX4SmDIgM4GAb3n6-JAGGVsB6zSEMUwA72DLw/edit#


My mom finally mailed me a box of stuff, which she picked from what I had mailed to her from the US the year before. She said she couldn't include the knives because the government banned the mailing of all sharp objects. My immersion blender didn't make it, either.
My thesis is a memoir in which I reflect on my practice as a writer and filmmaker. It weaves together the personal and the intellectual — namely, my study of film as a medium of expression, union and empathy. I have been jotting down paragraphs since September 2019. There is no particular structure at this moment, but I have noticed recurring questions and the emergence of themes, which are:


My mom sent the box from China. I knew she packed it because I found two plastic bags with the Chinese label "Bei Yi Department Store." She worked there for more than twenty years before retiring at the age of fifty. I recognized my dad's handwriting on the mailing label. In the field for "detailed description of contents," he write — in their Chinese characters and then following the same squarish strokes the English letters — "Clothes" and "Books". He declared their worth 1500 USD.
: What are the images that I have held onto over the years?
: How do I use words to express these images?
: What are the meanings and the feelings these images carry?
: Why do I write?
: How do I (learn to) express with filmmaking?


Inside the box I found Letters to A Young Poet, The Book of Questions, a pink cookbook named Mexico, the National Geographic hiking map of Jasper National Park in Canada. I found a grocery bag I got on the beach of Oaxaca and two shirts from a slightly touristy shop in Chiapas.  
The free-writing can be seen on this page: [[jujube/memoir2]].


I suppose my dad understood the value of these things to me by putting down a number ten times higher than the material cost.  
I will start to produce via editing and re-writing and substantiate my observations with the text I read and the films/plays/lectures I reviewed as well as realizations from my making. Some key words I have identified are:


I ordered ''Letters to a Young Poet'' from Amazon the day after my architecture advisor told me to read it. "My dad wanted me to be a lawyer," he said, "as an English major, I thought architect would be the middle ground." We were having a conversation about future. I remember him saying: the present things are clear while the past trickles away. Trickles, tinkles, twinkles, he must have said one of those words. I remember he pressed his fingers together and made a gesture towards something far. I remember agreeing with the revelation. I still remember those who instilled some sort of revelation in that young mind of mine. There were three John's, a Jeff, a Guntram and an Anne.
: narrative, emotions, emotional intelligence, self-knowledge
: definition of medium, understanding the image, making without knowing all, craft
: solitude, loneliness, spiritual diaspora, trancendance


'''words from Rilke'''
= References =


I found solace in solitude that year. I wrote — had been writing — because I depend on it. I wrote, but I couldn't say I was a writer, because everything felt too close and too private. For years I'd only shared my writing in one of these forms: enigmatic poetry, aloof witness, and sarcasm.
Things I have read and notated:


There was a distance between me and me, and therefore, there was a distance between me and the world.
* Campany, D. (2007) The cinematic. London: Whitechapel (Documents of contemporary art, 2007: 5).
* Chee, A. (2018) How to write an autobiographical novel : essays. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
* Kern, S. (2004) A cultural history of causality : science, murder novels, and systems of thought. Princeton: Princeton University Press.
* Farr, I. (2012) Memory. London: Whitechapel Gallery (Documents of contemporary art).
* Mamet, D. (1992) On directing film. New York: Penguin Books.
* Merewether, C. (2006) The archive. London etc: Whitechapel etc (Documents of contemporary art).
* Miall, D. (2011) Emotions and the Structuring of Narrative Responses. Poetics Today 1 June 2011; 32 (2): 323–348. doi: https://doi.org/10.1215/03335372-1162704
* Nussbaum, M. (1988) Narrative Emotions. Ethics, Vol. 98, No. 2., pp. 225-254.
* Shouse, E. (2005) Feeling, Emotion, Affect. M/C Journal 8.6. <http://journal.media-culture.org.au/0512/03-shouse.php>
* Stallabrass, J. (2013) Documentary. London: Whitechapel (Documents of contemporary art).
* Voìgt, Ellen Bryant. Image. New England Review, Vol. 13, No. 3/4, 1991, pp. 254–268. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/40243421.


2.
Things I have in the process of reading/notating:


"Being here is a demarcation of time," I wrote that in September, 2018.


I wanted to make a speech about the physical and internal turmoil, some of which I endured and some of which I inflicted on myself. But I didn't.  Instead I showed some works from the past. The first website I made, the last website I made. A series of photos. A snapshot of a play script.
*Bird Cloud, Anne Proulx
*Limbo, Dan Fox
*The Argonauts, Maggie Nelson


...
== Form & concept ==


= key texts=
[[File:Ss1.jpg|400px]] [[File:Ss2.jpg|400px]]


== feelings ==
Selected Statuses. A zine I made during the first year consisting of 50 selected status updates that I posted on Facebook from 2013-2018.
 
[[File:107291.jpg|400px]] [[File:107291 10.jpg |400px]]
 
Christian Boltanski: Reconstitution [https://www.vincentborrelli.com/pages/books/107291/christian-boltanski/christian-boltanski-reconstitution]. "Heavy brown cardboard box with title printed in black on label pasted to lid, containing 18 items."
 
== A return to some early thoughts ==
 
[[Jujube/memoir]]
 
== Photos  ==
 
do they serve as illustration, prompts?
 
: a plastic bag with Chinese label
: sketching a room: a series
: still from Scene 1
 
TBC
 
== Annotated Bibliography ==
 
This is a synthesis of some materials I have read so far. The annotations are colloquial at the moment. As the synthesis continues I plan to become more precise with the literature and succinct in my annotations.
 
=== feelings ===


* [[Jujube/synopsis#United_by_Feelings]]
* [[Jujube/synopsis#United_by_Feelings]]
Line 41: Line 82:
A few people whose judgement I trust have told me, "nobody can ever understand you in totality," which I have come to agree. In trying to be understood, I finally become able to understand myself. And that's where I connect self-compassion and empathy.
A few people whose judgement I trust have told me, "nobody can ever understand you in totality," which I have come to agree. In trying to be understood, I finally become able to understand myself. And that's where I connect self-compassion and empathy.


== causality, narrative, dramatic logic ==
=== memories ===
 
* [[Jujube/synopsis#Siegfried_Kracauer:_Memory_Images.2C_1927]]
* [[Jujube/abstracts-non-text#Play:_salt]] <--a one-woman play instead of text
 
Memories are images strung together. Words construct images — words come to me via memories.
 
A few people told me that my writing touches or bring to mind images.
 
That's how poetry works, I suppose.
 
I want others to understand, through these images, something about me, something about themselves.
 
=== the making of images without language ===
 
*[[Jujube/synopsis#The_Cinematic_.28DoCA.29]]
*[[Jujube/synopsis#Film:_A_Very_Short_Introduction]]
 
"A film is a story or a proposition... that is shaped, angled, finite, intended, whether it is a documentary, an art installation, a bit of gritty realism, or a full-blown fantasy... A film-maker is a person who makes such things."
 
I encountered the camera not through intention, but chance.
 
If you ask, "why the camera," I would say:
 
I took a chance. I connected the dots from my past. I was curious.
 
And I have been privileged to stay with it, hold it, test it. I have become decisive and considerate with its help — I am an ally, and more importantly, a student.
 
"And why film?"
 
I discovered time through film. I unearthed my intention about image-making. In writing and in making films I am drawing a very, very large circle, some sort of infinity that help me understand my being in this world.
 
I ask more concrete questions through the things I make:
 
Do narrative and personal memory ever come together? Is that the form of the Memoir? Or Must one become fictionalized?
 
How to evoke the sense from memory? (Is this a how question?)
 
Or, if I want to evoke feeling, should I construct a story around it?
 
=== causality, narrative, dramatic logic ===


* [[Jujube/synopsis#Stephen_Kern:_A_Cultural_History_of_Causality_.7C_Chapter_5:_Emotion]]
* [[Jujube/synopsis#Stephen_Kern:_A_Cultural_History_of_Causality_.7C_Chapter_5:_Emotion]]
Line 51: Line 132:
Narrative, in the dramatic sense, follows dramaturgy.
Narrative, in the dramatic sense, follows dramaturgy.


== personal memories (and the conflict with narrative) ==
=== other ===


* [[Jujube/synopsis#Siegfried_Kracauer:_Memory_Images.2C_1927]]
In writing the thesis I am also finding its epistemological position and discursivity. Rather than creating new knowledge, I emphasize the understanding and revisiting of existing knowledge. In a way, can films heal? If so, how so?


Memories are images strung together. Words construct images — words come to me via memories. I am turning personal memories into images... And I want these images to make sense to others. I want others to understand, through these images, something about me, something about themselves.
=Feedback=


Do narrative and memory come together in the form memoir? How to evoke the senses from memory without narrative? Is that impossible?
03.10 https://pad.xpub.nl/p/jueartemisrita

Latest revision as of 16:08, 15 November 2019

Thesis proposal: Writing the Image

latest: https://docs.google.com/document/d/17f8B3_IX4SmDIgM4GAb3n6-JAGGVsB6zSEMUwA72DLw/edit#

My thesis is a memoir in which I reflect on my practice as a writer and filmmaker. It weaves together the personal and the intellectual — namely, my study of film as a medium of expression, union and empathy. I have been jotting down paragraphs since September 2019. There is no particular structure at this moment, but I have noticed recurring questions and the emergence of themes, which are:

What are the images that I have held onto over the years?
How do I use words to express these images?
What are the meanings and the feelings these images carry?
Why do I write?
How do I (learn to) express with filmmaking?

The free-writing can be seen on this page: jujube/memoir2.

I will start to produce via editing and re-writing and substantiate my observations with the text I read and the films/plays/lectures I reviewed as well as realizations from my making. Some key words I have identified are:

narrative, emotions, emotional intelligence, self-knowledge
definition of medium, understanding the image, making without knowing all, craft
solitude, loneliness, spiritual diaspora, trancendance

References

Things I have read and notated:

  • Campany, D. (2007) The cinematic. London: Whitechapel (Documents of contemporary art, 2007: 5).
  • Chee, A. (2018) How to write an autobiographical novel : essays. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
  • Kern, S. (2004) A cultural history of causality : science, murder novels, and systems of thought. Princeton: Princeton University Press.
  • Farr, I. (2012) Memory. London: Whitechapel Gallery (Documents of contemporary art).
  • Mamet, D. (1992) On directing film. New York: Penguin Books.
  • Merewether, C. (2006) The archive. London etc: Whitechapel etc (Documents of contemporary art).
  • Miall, D. (2011) Emotions and the Structuring of Narrative Responses. Poetics Today 1 June 2011; 32 (2): 323–348. doi: https://doi.org/10.1215/03335372-1162704
  • Nussbaum, M. (1988) Narrative Emotions. Ethics, Vol. 98, No. 2., pp. 225-254.
  • Shouse, E. (2005) Feeling, Emotion, Affect. M/C Journal 8.6. <http://journal.media-culture.org.au/0512/03-shouse.php>
  • Stallabrass, J. (2013) Documentary. London: Whitechapel (Documents of contemporary art).
  • Voìgt, Ellen Bryant. Image. New England Review, Vol. 13, No. 3/4, 1991, pp. 254–268. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/40243421.

Things I have in the process of reading/notating:


  • Bird Cloud, Anne Proulx
  • Limbo, Dan Fox
  • The Argonauts, Maggie Nelson

Form & concept

Ss1.jpg Ss2.jpg

Selected Statuses. A zine I made during the first year consisting of 50 selected status updates that I posted on Facebook from 2013-2018.

107291.jpg 107291 10.jpg

Christian Boltanski: Reconstitution [1]. "Heavy brown cardboard box with title printed in black on label pasted to lid, containing 18 items."

A return to some early thoughts

Jujube/memoir

Photos

do they serve as illustration, prompts?

a plastic bag with Chinese label
sketching a room: a series
still from Scene 1

TBC

Annotated Bibliography

This is a synthesis of some materials I have read so far. The annotations are colloquial at the moment. As the synthesis continues I plan to become more precise with the literature and succinct in my annotations.

feelings

I want to evoke feelings. I believe it is shared human nature and thus a way to foster empathy. Empathy comes from compassion (understanding and love) for the self.

I can now say this, with certainty and humility, that I want to surround myself with understanding and thus create a world where people understand each other. If you see me in you, and if I see you in me, perhaps the world will suffer less.

A few people whose judgement I trust have told me, "nobody can ever understand you in totality," which I have come to agree. In trying to be understood, I finally become able to understand myself. And that's where I connect self-compassion and empathy.

memories

Memories are images strung together. Words construct images — words come to me via memories.

A few people told me that my writing touches or bring to mind images.

That's how poetry works, I suppose.

I want others to understand, through these images, something about me, something about themselves.

the making of images without language

"A film is a story or a proposition... that is shaped, angled, finite, intended, whether it is a documentary, an art installation, a bit of gritty realism, or a full-blown fantasy... A film-maker is a person who makes such things."

I encountered the camera not through intention, but chance.

If you ask, "why the camera," I would say:

I took a chance. I connected the dots from my past. I was curious.

And I have been privileged to stay with it, hold it, test it. I have become decisive and considerate with its help — I am an ally, and more importantly, a student.

"And why film?"

I discovered time through film. I unearthed my intention about image-making. In writing and in making films I am drawing a very, very large circle, some sort of infinity that help me understand my being in this world.

I ask more concrete questions through the things I make:

Do narrative and personal memory ever come together? Is that the form of the Memoir? Or Must one become fictionalized?

How to evoke the sense from memory? (Is this a how question?)

Or, if I want to evoke feeling, should I construct a story around it?

causality, narrative, dramatic logic

Causality is important in determining narrative. Different time periods (cultures) tend to favor different causality. (Perpetuations of the unhealty, unresolved kind seem irresponsible.)

Narrative, in the dramatic sense, follows dramaturgy.

other

In writing the thesis I am also finding its epistemological position and discursivity. Rather than creating new knowledge, I emphasize the understanding and revisiting of existing knowledge. In a way, can films heal? If so, how so?

Feedback

03.10 https://pad.xpub.nl/p/jueartemisrita

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