TEXT ON METHOD

To write this text on method at the end of the first year of my master studies feels like an invitation to reflect and foresee, maybe to change and plan. This is an invitation I will gladly accept, as it is an opportunity to blabber on about what I think I did and I think I should do next. This text will not be very coherent or formal nor will its content stay within 500 words, but it will hopefully say what needs to be said about the year and my practice in relation to the school.
This year has been a rollercoaster for me as I tried to shed some of my old methods and explore new fields of art and technology, whilst dealing with a budding depression and an existential crisis on what kind of designer / artist / person I want to be. I thought a lot, saw a lot, and tried a lot, but I have not necessarily produced as much as I normally would in a year of study.
Only now, on this rainy Monday, I realize that shedding my old methods is not the way to go. I need to use the so-called expertise I have entered the school with in the new fields I have been moving towards to test them, extend them and make them my own. In my last assessment tutors urged me to step out the graphic design field more, which I have been trying to do in the last semester by thinking and planning a work that is based in practice and thought more in the fields of performance art and fine art. But by moving into this area without much further background than looking at and studying the works I have seen in museums, galleries and theatre, I feel blind and unsure. These are areas I want to explore further though, but I should not do this blind, I should sandbox this in the graphic blue, screaming magenta and fluorescent yellow cube of graphic design. I want to move further into fine art, networked art and interaction design, but I should not do this blindly.
You haven’t seen me do a very good graphic design project this year, as I tried to leave graphic design for the smaller projects in between and focus more on web-related works. The design was not the focus of those projects and I feel I could have used it to my advantage way better than I have.
I want to be challenged, but I also want to hang the wall with posters. I want to produce a book in a week with material about a world where the performer is the public is the performance. I want to design my practice; I want to practice my design... while exploring.

My method of starting an autonomous project is very chaotic. The less restrictive the project becomes, the more freedom that provides, the more the millions of choices are strangling me and the more chaos is drowning me. I am horrible with choices, as I would like to try them all and therefore try none. I am constantly trying to create the ‘best project ever within that specific topic’, which is not possible and therefore I freeze. This is the reason I studied graphic design and not fine art. B O U N D A R I E S !

I have to think of a note I took about a week ago, which contains common knowledge, but is good for me to keep in mind: “You can’t design freedom; you can only not design boundaries. Just as you can’t create darkness; you can only block light.” (Gremmen, Pleun and probably five people a lot more famous than her, June 11 2016, iPhone, Notes.) But if you don’t design boundaries, you are not designing anything, are you? Is freedom ‘nothing’? Can we function without restrictions? I apparently can’t. If there is no line to move in relation to, do you know which way you are going? O, and by the way: the universe, why? Don’t worry dear reader, I am not asking you to answer (more than one of) these questions.

As I have been questioning how and if I should restrict myself in projects (and in life) for years, it is not that weird that almost all my projects revolve around boundaries. Regulations, laws and restrictions fascinate me; therefore I keep revisiting these topics. I don’t know yet how to put the best method for me in practice, but like I wrote before, it might help to treat projects in another area more like I would graphic design projects. I hope that this graphic design helps me produce more and think clearer. I will try this in the coming year.