Method of being FAKE, H.M.

Discussion with my teacher, Steve Rushton, after the text:

Steve's notes: who are you? what do you make? why do you want to make it? do you want to keep the answer to these questions secret? Do you want to answer them indirectly?

Heni's notes: later in the text, above the picture about a young girl, in a poem, I'm talking about the nonexisting reality of creating methods--asWe know, there is nothing new under the Sun-- with that caption I try to give enough space to the reader to understand it, that my method isn't more important than your own way to express and reflect.

‿ʘ‿

Meth
od
of
bein
g F
ake

_{followed by the institution of ibuprofen}

   My practice helps to structure a technique of a disciplined mechanism, 
    to plan and design a procedure and find the logic form of patterns in my routine.
   
  
    Design will save the world.

Searching lights @ Roodkapje, Rotterdam, 2018

I used eleven synonyms of "method" to create one sentence, which reflects on the abstraction of my working/creating/living method.

In the meaning of repeating patterns, exploring depth knowledge or creating mistakes in my relationship. I know from my youth that I always have been fast enough to make links and recognize patterns in several situations, few of them might turn out to be a pure fantasy though.

To keep my mind floating, but not blowing away during my creating process I figured it out, somewhere of the beginning of my puberty years, that I like to follow the master of realism, K. Stanislavsky. Who already invented one of his "method" — a process in which you immerse yourself in a character as much as possible — an acting philosophy/technique/aesthetic, it's affirmation of Freudian psychology, and it focuses on adolescent rebellion and quickly became a natural dramatic expression in the early 20', mostly in America and Western countries and Russia.

Few elements of his method, which makes me feel comfortable in my interdisciplinary self-expression. The "Magic If", just ask the question "What would I do if I were in this situation?" and the point is coming when you are able to answer it. "Re-education" Stanislavsky compelled actors to find ways to exhibit true-to-life human nature, while still being able to project loudly enough for a favorite to hear. My favorite part, "Observation", means you carefully study and observe others and situations, focusing on several aspects. To see their physical traits as much as their personalities. Then you'll see clearly that every person is unique, not really original, but at least unique. The most boring part, "Motivation", this is the hard work for me, to find and keep the energy to ask and answer the "why". There is one more element, "Emotional memory", is a technique where the actor uses an emotion they once felt and applies it to how the character is feeling on the assumption it is applicable, for example, if the character has just been left out by someone, the actor would think back to when she/he felt the same, thus allowing them to connect to the character and to the emotions the character is feeling.

However, emotion memory although effective needs to be controlled or an actor could lose themselves in their own emotions when they are supposed to be feeling the characters. This taking away the actual acting and it becomes self-indulgence for the actor as acting is essentially lying. As an actor, you can example found emotion memory to be effective when playing Anya (mother in hun) in the Cherry Orchard by Anton Chekhov as the section Anya feels sorry for her mother, the pity essence being something you felt before so you could use this when playing the character and this way your performance is more believable. In comparison to the other Stanislavsky techniques I'm talking about, I would consider this technique 3rd useful out of all the others.

Harvesting my own method trough Stanislavsky, the conclusion about my loved ideology — as an artist I don't have to do anything else, but follow my true target — indeed there are not too many ideologies we could follow, I mean in two thousand eighteen, we are living the generation of sceptics and skepticism again. Without opening a moral discussion about it, not questioning the goods or the bads of being superstitious "A healthy skepticism while in a car dealership will keep you from buying a lemon'. An unhealthy skepticism might prevent you from obtaining a reliable means of transport." Bill Shipley

   So far my true target, to break down the labels I ever created, to be fake and understand the confusion I'm creating right now.

There is something loyal in the view of a point of absurd and grotesque world literature, as Kafka, Camus, Ionesco, Mrožek, Örkény István or H.Arendt saw it. Even, if the last author isn't considered as an absurd writer, she is from the exact same period as Örkény for example. These thinkers stepped out of the expectations and turned their own survival existentialism into masterpieces. As we see now, they were enough brave and fragile to stop and start the metronome of their own lives, to create awareness of being scared and fight against creating conscious fears.
The actual government used the all-time winner, let's make ppl. scared, then it's easier to manipulate them, all these creators were able to see behind of it. To control people trough make them addicted by-products, which are highly controlled by capitalism, that's the situation I'm observing here in The Netherlands and try to look behind it.

I consider, that few of studies/experiments based on cognitive behavior researchers, like "RAT PARK" are the fundaments of our consuming based addicted society. Holland was the second country, after Swiss Confederation, who actually used this experiments on humans. Beating heroin addiction with heroin. Heroin users who want to participate in the free heroin program have to show that there's no clear indication that they are ever going to be clean if they kept on going down the same road. The men — nearly all of them are men — must be able to indicate that they’ve been addicts for a long time, and have attempted to quit their drug abuse numerous times. And they have to be over 30. If all those boxes are checked, then they can go to their local health service at strictly scheduled times to get high and go on with their day. About this specific experiment, you can read more in a "Vice" article, based on the experiences of users in Netherland, as "Only in the Netherlands Do Addicts Complain About Free Government Heroin" Stuard McMillen created an online comic, titled "Rat Park drug Experiment" to illustrate Bruce K. Alexander's research in an easily understandable form, toward a more nuanced understanding of drugs and addiction.
In this case, I would like to lead your attention to how "my routines are becoming addictions and addictions own methods". Just like I enjoy the duction of my eyes before sleeping, I'm rotating with my eyeballs, like a chameleon or a dragon and that calms my eyes down, and my unconditioned response that my body is ready to chill. Obviously, I'm too stubborn to regret that the Pavlovian conditioning works on me in a mental dimension, so every now and then I'm playing games with myself, as creating a bug in the system, so much fun. Example, I rotate with my eyeballs in the mornings, before eating, or before working and then I'm almost sleeping during these acts. I'm also challenging myself with nonsleeping, once I managed to not sleep for four nights (I got six hours sleeping during four nights, means one and half hours/night) and then the duction of my eyes helped a lot to stop seeing pink and light purple instead of yellow color. Basically, I like to give the freedom of my mind and my body to play with my already working methods, and that's how I keep going and creating.

                                                     I'm nothing less, but a curious child.

                                                     I'm what you call when you need
                                                     I'm patient, as Őpen harms telling the truth
                                                     I'm fiber and iron BUT in YA packet 
                                                              I'm fast, really fast.
                                                              I'm ahham. .ahm haaam mahnaam anamma nam ha mnahaaanmennahm ohnit 
                                                              Ahram a'ram .---elecricity. 
                                                     I'm dreaming while being awake,, not justice.         
                                                     

East looking into West

While introducing my method, I've been working on a text which represents the diversity of my reflection on the impacts from my environment and communities I'm actively part of it.
Less about the subject, don't believe what you read. In this part of the text, I used grammer and spelling mistakes to express my realashionship with the text from the closest perspective.

Spaanse Kubus 444

inner child, 2018

the egoist in a narcotic

narcissistic way aka. zelfie maestro

Ideas for scenes: A young girl crawling herself trough landscapes.

Locations:\\

view, 2018

whatever I never felt worse

you don’t know shit about

Are we already there, when being watched isn’t a blue shirt on a tall skinny guy?

I saw you peeing behind of the tree, never questioning tho.

it just happened that I become so smart from a day to another

we are in this shared life, socially taking apart

is there a distance we cant make it?

tiering useless dialogs

discrimination/hateful race and fashion shovinist (arent you a loco motive)

cuts and edits, ov er errors, ten times turn tables

———————————————————_____________________——————————- —————————___________________———————————————————————-_________________-____———————————————————-_____________________

you did it with me illegally \ you took it away from me

didn’t let me see and I felt so rolling the coolness its pure pain

I might cry and use your underwear’s as much I’ve been blaming myself

gourmet dicks, all over all

in the end, I took too much off it.

playing with worlds

Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you
Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you x v Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you Im worried about you

i crossed myself

in this never escaping time

you saïd I should move over

using my words

from a copy past text

in the park where nothing

blown away

ahhhhhh, just turns into you won

It will break you down how it just happened with me

the attitude is love,

never advise

Im in my room,

and nothing else matters

I say you suffer

I say you see the future in a dark shade

I say you go and climb on the tree \I say you fart 💨

I’m going to the club not more than necessary for allofus

living in a different word, being straight?\

no more kiddings in pl

declarck and the american band stand

for me its money in the bank love it in a crop way

abuse strange

back back into the flow to see where should n

im superficial

just for money money money money.

techArt bon @worm, 2018

New ex
design w=ll save the world

when the sky is buzzing for cave/you know the plains.qair

I fucked up this cloud drive shit

ok, i think I still have time to insert sertan satan

seeing that

Im the shiftiest player in these games

no nr.

no run

slow

dp

deepdown

ah another bald walking across

some faces form the far way

I dont need food

I can t eat

I dont need your dick

I cant breath

Im not a joko onu

in a kimonom

bruises are bustards

Sayings in another type

my right fingers aren’t right anymore

Im in a big juicy vagina

your large dick I m true to it

can't care less

if you can hear me

can you just Stop to feed my target

Im more aggressive then a pilot in a stacked emoji

I killed the ants, they tried to hide and sick

running Wilmos,

who will most?

do not see a chart on my laptop

I want you to fuck me

take it back from the animals

I dont need food

I can’t eat

the ducks are coming from the story i heated and hear

Im no-one

Im somebody

eh someone
and the face comes closer,
shit thats a he and not a she
how can transfer it

Capitals and big letters in my garden
the place where we go
and we see our dark tools
i have no idea how can be so strong in my mind

imaginary blacks and yellows
we are fucking droned
we are fucking droned

okay hopefully this dog doesn’t wanna come closer to me
yes it does

headbeaging

you say smthg and i believe

am I safe in my notes

ha csak bántani akarsz, akkor engedj el

nem bírom h üldözve vagyok, toch?

Ik ben de dochter van de zon.. faszom\

never fucked less then the obligations,

when do we know it, if its end
new places and new frames
the gangxta stress in my joystick

if i write you
that’s already art

not about trust but about
still feels like a therapist
just doesn’t wanna make any sense
\ há me neither

saying dump and harsh things about myself
will help to space and love out

just hear it, in a sound

fuck it, the music
locks us together

I can take it
Can you

I can take it
can you

i cab in a take can

you too?

you grated the take it never too

ejh, we should play together not against
what is important for me
still strong going, less power less dreams, its a lie.

when did we meet last time, i saw you from far

love.

we don't talk, 2018

i was close

they were laughing at me

i was far

they were talking to me

i was there
they were gossiping

too many I, too many me

directed and organised

they all know it.

I can take it
can you/?

some sort of love letter 💌 from me
another love in the air on

she is fucked up
without protection

she is fucked up
do u still love her.

unpredictable moves.
bizarre dreaming.

the body of the girl is hold back by men hands (old and young)

In the END she is climbing on the tree, like being in a nest, she feels comfy, the ppl. are
partying for her, under the tree..

everybody helps her trough her suffering.

Is she a victim?
I don’t think so, she is over it in the end. A strong, intelligent, and fucked up

penis, vagina figures and animal instincts (brain, stomach, intestines and some of them are
the best thing to make you want to
come back and get you to come again with me
and the galaxies 🌌

is a friendly … night for a breakfast 🍳 w

playing in a script,
in your drama

disturbing texts, messages, photos, naked videos,

only thing calms me down to earth
the music of yours]

im dirty and disgusting
im cut-ten into half,
im tensed in a map,
sour
using words from another time.

when do you know if its done

just being alone when they are moving on

the distance was created by the time.

I don’t want to loose you.

cant chill while working
i love chubby girls,
they fuck good,
he said.

you know I don’t really believe him,
a totally default lant.

big ups for the secret show, like my baby

i like my baby
she is the prettiest from all of them

she is wild and likes jesus
she will not bring you easy days.

you can take me
an intimate heather nova

you take me down,.

notes,external links,and readings

• Alexander, B.K. (1987) "The disease and adaptive models of addiction: A framework evaluation," Journal of Drug Issues 17, pp. 47–66.
• Goldstein, A. Molecular and Cellular Aspects of the Drug Addictions. Springer-Verlag, 1990. ISBN 0-387-96827-X