User:Tommi/PaJamas/Tooling Hyperfocus
I have a cursing obsession: my mind always thinks about tools. There is virtually no silver bullet in terms of how I intend to achieve what I have in mind, therefore I am doomed to an insatiable longing for better tools that are often utopistic, and always modelised in my head as much simpler than they actually would be.
The vast majority of the time, the tools I think about are software tools. I tend to naively underestimate the time and the effort it takes to transform even the simplest of ideas (they never are) into code. I fell under the spell of coding as magic
by being in love with the hacker culture, Free Software, and all the digital rights movement that push people to truly own their tools by tweaking and playing with them, or even making things for fun.
I am unable to appreciate this process as I am terribly distracted by the final goal I want to reach. Thus, while making anything, I am terribly frustrated because I get exhausted by the time and devotion needed to mindfully and beautifully master the art of coding, and I just want to get where I want to get.
Such a feeling becomes even heavier as Artificial Intelligence
comes into play, claiming to help us do exactly what drains my energy. It is out of scope right now to unpack the immense and thorny topic of AI, yet I believe it is critical to underscore that it is not out of sole ideological and political criticism that I want to resist it as much as possible. It is a matter of pushing myself and collectively make an effort to refuse dull and quick solutions, embracing slow, open, and active learning. While in theory and rationally I fully stand by this way of thinking, practically it sounds like a dream. As we all have limited time on this planet and in our lives, we are forced to take decisions on what we want to devote our efforts to, and how. I do relate with the mantra tools shape practices shape tools shape practices…
but if our time and efforts are so absorbed by the tools, how do we find sufficient room for practice?
Personally, I am trapped in this dilemma, and I am suffering severe symptoms of leaning towards tooling too heavily. I restlessly think about and tinker with devices that would enable my practice. Yet, I am so absorbed by the shaping of tools that I find myself desperately unable to go beyond tooling, because, I am constantly, helplessly and hopelessly, striving towards the final, optimal solution to finally work on my practice. Instead of thinking, I am constantly metathinking.
Unsurprisingly, I suppose this is a consequence of my intricate relationship with neurodivergence and ADHD.
<! -- Cross-posting disclaimer banner -->