User:Demet Adiguzel/Term2 Project : The Absence

VERY VERY DRAFT OF MY REPORT - don't mind the sloppy writing, just composing thoughts after 4:00am

The Absence:

The work gets its name from the state of somewhat-bearable weight of not-being: not being here, not necessarily meaning that the mind is somewhere else but that it created imaginary realities out of the real to avoid the weight and to exist in them simultaneously. To name its so-called existence, to give it a ‘meaning’ it calls for the Absence - as the meaning can only be revealed by its opposite.

The mind plays, erases, rewinds and rewrites itself. (One can exist only in it, it becomes the sole reality.)

The images play with erased (blackness) existence. Plays in layers. Disconnects from each other while relating. Self-destructing. Self-observing. Self-creating. It already passes the point of being overwhelming, it is just becomes the reality itself.

It changes itself trying to make room for new. It changes so fast to the point that it doesn’t recognize itself ever again. It tries to find itself forever.

The Process :

First week February :

The very vague lines of the project appears :

Ten-minute-long short-film
Involving sleeping problems, reality shifting as a result of it.
Like the idea very much that while in a dream nobody realizes how weird it is. Or if realized, one just would not care.
Made-up of dream – reality sequences ‘supported’ by a voice-over : a monologue.
No distinction between dream and reality
Tone : dark and fantasy-like.

February 8 :

First meeting with the actress Pauline. She is actually a dancer and she has this graceful and fragile feature that I find suitable for my ‘story’.

First tutorial about ideas with Barend :

about the first scene appeared : girl on a bed on the surface of a lake/sea.

Talked about the possibilities.

February 12 :

First shoot. Eyes on the palms scene & window scenes.

February 13 :

First tutorial with Simon

is voice-over really necessary? Should try to ‘say’ more with images.
‘Vertigo’ for reality shifting

February 14 :

I am very much thinking of the idea of studium and punctum of Barthes. I believe when it is generalized, my intentions would not mean much since the interpretations of the viewer would be playing a bigger role. There should be more room left for the viewer to interpret ??

February 19 :

Shooting for :

Puppet scene : She dances like a a puppet, as if she has strings attached to her joints (elbows, shoulders, wrists, knees etc. ) and controlled by someone above.
Eyes on the palms scene : she stands in front of a very definitive wall-paper and covers her eyes with her hands. When she removes her hands, the eyes move to her hands (after-effects)
The Sleeping/Night Terror Scene : she is covered by a black cloth slowly while she is lying on the bed.

February 20 :

Tutorial with Simon : how to make the puppet scene better
Tutorial with Karel Doing : he really understood me, encouraging, inspiring talk!

February 26 :

Shoot for :

Eyes on the Palms scene retake

That week new ideas appeared :

in a swimming pool with a red dress
ripping her heart out and throwing it away
meeting with the grim-reaper while running away from something else

March 3 :

Shoot for :

Heart scene rehearsal – without the actual props.

March 5 :

Tutorial with Simon :

take a step back
what do the images mean, where do they come from : learn it and build on it for more personal images.
Angela Carter – fairy-tales
We had a discussion about the heart scene. I found the acting too sexual, Simon said death is sexual which I don’t want to refer in this work.

I don’t want it to be sexual at all, that’s why I’m working with a short-haired, child-like fragile actress.

Tutorial with Lisa & Paolo :

When silenced, the scene did not seem sexual to Lisa & Paolo. They agreed on the looks of the actress.

That week : Watched The Magical Toyshop of Angela Carter. She also uses symbols to refer to innocence & fairy-tales of course. I liked the expression of changing of the reality while growing up. ++ I am also in a transformation of maturing my own lack of faith. Started to think about religions and how they create a different reality for everyone. I feel neglected by the religions because of being a woman. ERGO ‘losing my religion.'
That’s when I came up with the next scene.

March 19 :

Shoot for bath-tub scenes :

Detention of discovering the ‘reality’ :

She finds out the truth. As it is not painful enough to discover, she pays the prize with sanity. She writes on the mirror several times : “I’m just a coincidence. I’m a product of randomness.”

She turns to the tub where the water is (water symbolizing the beginning of life in evolution)
She drowns herself in it.

March 24 & 25 :

Shoot for outdoor scenes :

She wakes up in a garden wearing a wedding dress.
She is disoriented but enjoying it at the same time.
She picks out tarot cards on the paths. And the path brings her to a place she puts her ear on the ground and later starts to dig. She finds a mirror –symbolizing a buried version of herself.

March 26 :

Tutorial with Simon : Feeling exhausted cannot express my intentions for the work.

March 30 :

Tutorial with Renee : Very refreshing and informing. Talked about Maja Deren, Chris Marker, Liza May Post. How the images tell or hold the story. Talked about La Jetée and its style of telling the story.

I am still not certain about the format of my work. Short-film? Installation? I don’t quite think that it is finished.

March 31 & April 1 :

Spent the whole weekend editing. I need some space from the work for a while but again we are going to present it the next day. I will present a very raw version for now. It will develop in time as I distance myself from it.