User:Thijshijsijsjss/Gossamery/The Highly Sensitive Person
- Read on: August 2024 - ...
- By Elaine Aron
I have often been sceptical about reading books on mental health, not necessarily for doubting the insightfullness of their contents, but rather because of fear that expanding my inner vocabulary on these topics would sustain certain pitfalls of analysis-paralysis, and amidst periods of wavering identity even create hurdles that I wouldn't otherwise have had. This scepticism wasn't ungrounded, I have read many a book with this effect (and honestly, also some for which the insightfullness of their contents can be doubted). So when I stood face to face with a book by Elaine Aron a few years ago, I was reluctant to embrace it. However, reluctant or not, I would be going away for 2 weeks, was still unarmed with a book for this period, and was presented this one on a literal pedestal when my mother was checking out her items at the library. The experience of reading this particular book, the third Aron had written on high sensitivity, turned out to be quite different from my fears. In fact, I felt very seen by the pictures it sketched, and felt grounded and clearheaded while reading.
'Hoogsensitief' is a label which has been slapped on me -- or to be more polite: 'which I have been lucky to receive' -- frequently from a young age. I've felt conflicted by it. This was partly due to not everyone (at times myself included) acknowledging the validity of the label in terms of mainstream awareness and scientific backing at the time (Aron's first works being just 4 years older than I am). It was also partly due to these labels often lacking merit when considered in isolation, and slapped on by the wrong person. I had been dictated who I was one too many times, seldomly seen as a person first, but mostly as a (mis)perceived identity the narrative for which was created around a set of labels that were seemingly chosen semi arbitrarily, completely independent of my actual person or the narrative of my perceived identity as I was experiencing and sharing it myself. I digress -- I was fed up with labels and didn't want to play the label game with myself. But here I was, reluctantly surprised and positively activated. I had never felt so encouraged to embrace being sensitive. I made a promise with myself to always have a book of hers at hand.
I didn't keep myself to that promise, at all. 3 years later and no literature on HSP on my shelf.
Historically, I am not very skilled at summers. Neither am I skilled at breaks. And summer breaks tend to be really bad. This year was no exception. Once again finding myself in spirals of fading identity, feeling no agency over my mental state and having little energy nor strength to find this again, I figured it was time to return to this promise I made myself, and I got another book of Aron (her first this time). And indeed, the book is there unwaveringly and crystal clear. Maybe I'm not as in-your-face surprised as I was 3 years ago, but still I feel seen. I am amazed by how it seems to detail not just some things I experience, but the things that are at the core of how I experience. The feeling that this core felt seen then and is seen now is a strong suggestion: the suggestion that there is some core to me at all -- to some maybe a banal remark, but don't underestimate its importance in the face of the ever-convincing imploding mind. I very much like this exploration of things central to me and my perceived world in such an explicit way. I like to consider myself an introspective person, and in generous moments I allow myself to hope I invite others into that introspection somehow, too. There are infinite ways for this, but I'm happy to take active action in this speciic format again.
Now, I started this book not at all with an entry to this reader in mind. It is quite the odd one out. Not just because of it's 'surprise feature' -- it's not the only unassuming endeavor to turn into an entry -- but mostly because of its content and tone. Most entries (so far) focus on... I've yet to find out what their common focus is exactly. But it certainly isn't psychology / sensitivity as this one is. However, I figure it warrants an entry. As described in the previous paragraph, I value introspection a lot. At the end of year 1, I've come to find out (again) that it a crucial part of my creative process as well. As a (happy) result, it's inevitable that this seeps through into my work as well. I like that. I'd like to embrace that. So, proudly, here is an entry to support it with written words as well.