Harriet Lerner - The Dance of Intimicy

The book is about making responsible and lasting changes that enhance our capacity for genuine closeness over the long hall.

Intimate relationship: We can be who we are and allow the other person to be the same. Being who we are: Talk openly, take clear position on important subjects, clearify limits of whats acceptable. Allow the other person the same without wanting to change, convince or fix them. In an intimate relationship neither party silences, sacrifices or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.

Women seem more concerned with woking on relationships even though they are more fine without them (marriage) than men. Why?

Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance the connectedness to others.

Will to change and fear of change. Will of change makes us seek help and fear of change makes us resist the help we seek. Ambivalent feeling towards change: will to change and to remain the same. Often our strenghts and weaknesses stem from the same strands - inseparable nature.