Luca-thesis outline
Thesis Outline
Question:
IF WE PLAY DOES THAT MEAN ITS NOT REAL(ITY) ?
Description of two previous video works
THIS IS AND THAT IS AND A BIT OF THIS AND A LOT OF THAT (2018) Is a 10 minutes video in which you see a series of moving portraits of Luca. In every portrait, Luca looks totally different. The video is guided by a narration that speaks an repetitive test always starting with the words: “THIS IS ME…..” The person you see in the image always may look different in every scene but the narrator tells you it's always the same person. The video plays with the versatile aspects of beliefs concerning 'identity', a research into the intriguing differences, the moldability of 'being' and in surge of a kind of essence. We search for authenticity. Yet we want to be accepted, to converse, to belong to one another in risk of losing that very authenticity. The complex game that plays with the urge for acceptance, recognition and the need for authenticity is central to this work.
THIS IS THEM (2020) Is a video in which you see Branda and Hilda playing in a room. They play different characters and scenes. Every scene is introduced by the narrator, always starting with the words; “THIS IS THEM…” Branda and Hilda long for a big life worth living but what does that mean a big life? Who influenced them to believe what is worthy? Branda and Hilda have such a grand idea of what life should be like that they are scared to go outside and live beyond their imagination. So they stay and try to create a vibrant life right there in that room. The question that this work raises is if staying in your room and creating words with your imagination is less of a real life compared to going outside into the world full of people where you can not control all that is happening.
Intention for a new piece
Something that fascinates me is how we as humans seek to connect with others and therefore ourselves - what we will do to experience connection and what kind of connection we allow. I think we often try to be "something" so we can belong to a certain group or movement in order to experience contact. This is how we create our story and our identity … In my work, the central focus is on people and their search for identity. Who are we? Where do we belong? How malleable is our identity? Why do we want confirmation from others? I try to show that people never know or possess one identity. Our identity consists of many layers and different "characters" that we discover and alternate in a playful way, in order to create our own story. I am intrigued by group dynamics: which role/identity someone takes within a group, but also that groups create their identity by opposing other people and groups. People are often looking for confirmation, but this search may lead to alienation, isolation and the feeling of "not being alive". These elements (identity and group dynamics) are in line with my fascination for people who constantly present themselves to the outside world. How do we want other people to see us? How do we want to see ourselves? I do not find this self-conscious urge for presentation to be exclusively negative: I think that the human being is a playful being at its core and that the different ways of presenting yourself to the outside world are in line with our urge to play. By self-presentation, people can playfully create an identity and reality with which he / she can approach and avoid the world. I believe playing is both a flight and a search for genuine contact with ourselves and the other. With the making of a new video called THIS IS US I want to further investigate how a small group of people surge for how they are individually and as one.
THIS IS US (2021) In THIS IS US we see a group of three people in five different scenes. Every scene shows how the group wants to be identified as a whole. “ I belong therefore I am ”. The style of the video is characterized by the four performers, wearing distinct coherent costumes in a minimal scenographic setting. THIS IS US has a non linear dramaturgie, and can be seen as a collage of moments. In this film I'm applying the same restrictions to investigate playing but this time going further by questioning how identity is constructed within a group context. I believe this work can build on the previous works, and has an opportunity to show how people change their identity for the sake of belonging to the other. What role/identity does someone take within a group, and how fast can this role change? This work can also make a new step in showing how groups create their identity by opposing other people and groups. Next to that I wish to make THIS IS US to further discover a (for me) form of dramaturgy. That means I want to look for a dramaturgy that offers me the ideal combination of abstract images and a narrative form. The video works that I have made so far are formalistic and visual, and I have a longing to add a narrative layer to it. I am fascinated by narrative structures that are non-linear and are not based on the direct action of a character, but on his or her psychological inner world. After all, the complicated inner world of man is not linear, but fragmented and contradictory. I want to deepen this by investigating the narrative structures of Roy Anderson and diving into the work of Federico Fellini. In the case of Anderson, because his story structure is characterized by a fragmentary approach and Fellini because he masterfully captured both reality and fantasy in his film language. In this way I would like to investigate the following question: in what way (technically and substantively) do Fellini's absurdist scenes enter into a dialogue with the realistic scenes? This can help me with my own video language, as I want to alternate realism and absurdism without the works losing their sense of unity. With the making of THIS IS US, I wish to develop a narrative structure that combines the concrete with artistic freedom, accessibility with innovation and intelligence with emotion. Because how do you create a story that is as clear as possible, while creating a lot of artistic freedom on a visual level? How do you ensure that the viewer does not experience an "anything goes" feeling? That the artistry of the video actually reinforces rather than hinders the story? Where do the suspension of disbelief and artistic wonder meet? I now imagine THIS IS US to have a dramaturgy in which tableaux vivants show the inner emotional world of the characters, in combination with realistic situations. In that sense, the video will play with the dividing line between realism and fantasy, the real world and the playing world, and between story in language and story in images.
What do i what the thesis to do?
In the first video, I made THIS IS AND THAT IS AND A BIT OF THIS AND A LOT OF THAT It started with one person's alternating characters. This person is limited in playing with one's identity, one body. One person could be anybody/everybody. When you present yourself as one, you're the only one deciding what you show or how you believe to be and what you could become. Then in the second video, THIS IS THEM there are two people playing. I noticed that the definition of how they were was an immediate rejection to the other and relayed on the other. Unlike in the first video they could not be everybody they were always somebody else opposite earth other. That means that defining their identities was always in relation to the other. The thesis should become an artistic piece that functions as a script. This script moves throw three different chapters:
Solo *
Duo **
Trio ***
With every chapter, I want to look at the different ways of identifying a self in relation to: oneself, the other, and the others. Therefore this thesis is a resurge in the different ways of articulating who we are, and how many versions we can be depending on the circumstances. And diving into a new dynamic of three characters I want to investigate what kind of dynamics are new and not existing in the previous constructions.
chapters ==
1) solo (I (me-mine) mode of address)
This is ME solo
This is My face My body This is me Me is a somebody with a body A someone One being Is me this is me being this is me being be yond this is me trying to be This is me being nothing this is me being at least something Thinks This is me being thinks This is feeling things Good Bad Strong Soft this is me being me this is me being myself this is me being and i this is me being animalistic this is me being dutch this is me being small this is me being tall this is me being without an audience this is me being trying to be in love this is me being loving and kind this is me being free this is me being present A present something to be raped around and let go off Something to give away This is me given This is me being raped around a curtain This is me being unseen this is me being human this is me being a ‘viswijf’ this is me being a cook this is me being this is me being this is me being this is me thinking about children this is me thinking this is me thinking about the rest of my life this is me thinking like the pope this is me thinking forward this is me thinking backward this is me thinking a bit to the side this is me thinking like you this is me thinking about you this is me thinking like no one this is me thinking just after i had no sleep and a party before that were i felt alone and to shy to dance and to dom to talk and small for the adult, to tall for the kids this is me thinking like barbie this is me thinking like ken this is me thinking like obama this is me thinking money this is me thinking like marina abramovic otero verzier sirtis this is me thinking like an adult taking responsibility this is me thinking i can not even take care of myself this is me thinking like liking a ice cream but not knowing which taste I shall take this is me taking this is me giving this is me grieving this is me grieving about … About feeling things this is me grieving with .. It’s me it’s me This Is Me. on. my. way. this is me going out oud of it all, this is me having no energie to talk, no talking to, no one, no talking at all,, all do i mostly like talkinggggg aaaaaa LLLOOOOTTTT lot lots lots of talking this is me talking It’s me at a part this is me at a party confronted with a feeling; the feeling off “im alone allllllllll a. lone.” All one? this is me being funny Is it? lots of it of fun fun,fun,fun this is me having fun this is is it? It’s me at the supermarket trying to remember what i needed this is me getting angry and showing it this is me being angry and hiding it this is me playing hide and seek this is me manly this is me féminin This is me not being man nor woman Simply being i guess I guess?… Guessing that is something new This is me guessing This is me in panic This is me in the water this is me having a problem with my skin and the way i feel in it the way I’m feeling in that skin, it’s not the way i wanna feel within that skin i wanna feel some little softness some little something i wanna feel my skin but this is me not feeling anything this is me realizing I could never be in some one el’s its skin, i will only have this space to life within this is me pretending to be free this is me looking to you for you you without me maybe a …uhhm no i don’t know me not knowing wanting to know it all
alll allllllllllll lalallala didadidoedada dod dodadaid dododododo do something go on and do something Things that matter things that are important and have impact one day this face my will have freckles, lines,ways me looking to the future me being the future this is me looking cool me looking full seeing a bird seeing blue a blue color sky? sea? Birthday cake with blue marsepein? water? filthy water Do you still see me? this is Come on look, can you see or hear me? listen this is me listening to my mother's voice telling me stories from the children's bible Listening to a song of a movie that had a strong impact on me listening this is listening to my belly listening at people talking this is me listening at people talking about about there life lifess this is be me believing in today and believing in tomorrow some you some me som som som handsome Do you find this handsome? this is me peaceful full of it all all that jazz and all that Ass All the assholes in the world and mine
this is me being a child this is me wanting to have a child this is me getting children this is me having my on mother as a child this is me being mother of all this is me mother of my mother this is me being moddder ‘modder, modder’ it’s a dutch word this is me having no words for the other I always waited for, always wanted to get to know The other always there but now for the first time for the very first time in my life no words for life just ‘modder’ this is me building a house looking for a new color this is having a lot, wanting more this is me having no dignity no insanity no reality maybe yes maybe we should all believe believe in me maybe not maybe stop with all the maybes this is me ….maybe maybe.. beyond the apple tree there’s another tree and on that tree hangs a apple and in that apple there’s a tunnel it's a long, long tunnel it’s a narrow tunnel you can not walk straid You have to crawl it takes hours, days,takes lifes Infact there’s no ending in the tunnel There is this is and that is and a bit of this and all that There is this with and without This is a moment I feel something is going to happen something big something unexpected
this is me in fantasie
this is me singing
loud
soft
married
unmarried
this is me being one with nature
this is me being touched by God, but not physically i wouldn't want that, no that would be strange…
not being hungry for a while
no laughter for a while
not feeling like doing anything
like doing something
things, ooh things
this is me in the house of a friend of mine, my friend is not there but i am the friend left the house, left the city left to another place, a place i don’t know this is me in my place this is me in my house this is leaving my house this is not leaving don’t open the curtains a tiny bird no a small one a tinny and This is not saving the world. save me. no. not wanting to be saved. This is living until the end of my life. This is being afraid of traffic. truth. lies. losing my parents this is dancing in the park this is being touched by a letter me writing a letter to you this is me touched by a letter i wrote to myself me writing a letter to you the un known you. writing little letters lots of words I do not think you notice how much effort i put in this this is not liking the heat of the sun this is believing my life will be more meaningful when i win that golden bracelet with stars on-top this is being the fat lady who sings when it’s all over this is me unable to enjoy sexual pleasures this is making a spectacle of myself this is not understanding everything so i can not make you understand so that means that you can not make a other understand so then maybe no one will ever understand this is not knowing not knowing how to tell my parents i forgot them this is not knowing what is expected from me this is not being expected this is me wanting to feel something big feelings
trying to hear almost nonexistent sounds This is me starting crying over nothing
It's me! it's me! This. Is. me.
This is me talking to my sister about what I think is good about her and what things she can work on. this is me talking to myself this is me talking on the phone to someone i hope i can call a friend
this is me thinking this is me thinking about thinking this is me thinking about the rest of my life this is me at the party, I was really looking forward to this party. A lot of cool people would have been here if it wasn't for the rain, I could just go home… no i just arrived, maybe try to talk to some people, people i don’t know Yet you don’t know jet go on be surprised Come on, go for it, meet new people, maybe go home with a smile on your face, you never know until you try yyy.
trying this is trying gggggggggggggggggiving this moment a try
this is me in panic this is me looking for you looking for me trying I always was i’ll always be trying to be before there was before there will be some you some me sommee
this is hoping I hope I hope life is good to all you hope life is good to you hope you love hope you grieve in order to relief hope it didn’t mind what i did or do or am going to hope this was not all about me hope also a bit about you this is it’ s my face it is in the beginning and the end
2) duet (we [us -they- their's] mode of address)
This is THEM duo
In a world full of worlds, there is this little place which is a town, and in that town are many long streets, small trees and 33 big houses. Every house looks exactly the same … well actually there is one, just one house that doesn’t look exactly like the others.. It’s that house on the corner to the park It has a lot of windows and is very colorful. it’s ..sss ehhm... well, ehm, yellow and green, and has some touches of pink here and there. And in that. bright. yellow, green, a little bit of pink house are many rooms and many doors Ohh… so many I mean if I wouldn’t have known the place, I would totally get lost. On the second floor, there is a long, long hallway and at the end of that long, long hallway there are two doors. Do you see that one on the left? That’s the door to Hilda’s room And in that room Hilda spends her time with her dear friend Branda Let me introduce them shortly; Hilda is a young energetic, but shy girl. She loves collecting feathers and has a complex relationship with her mother, who also had a complex relationship with her own mother, so maybe there is some connection there. Well anyway... Hilda has one very, very, very very, very close friend. It’s Branda, she’s also shy. But… unlike Hilda she likes telling secrets to strangers. Branda doesn’t collect things, nooo… she is a minimalist. And her parents are never around,.So it's hard to build some kind of, or any kind of relationship.
This is them, Branda is wearing her favorite blue sweater, while clipping Hilda’s nails, which are way overdue. There is one thing Hilda and Branda both deeply love, is playing, yes playing. In this room Hilda and Branda spend hours, weeks, years creating worlds, playing people, day in day out they play, play, play. I’m not even sure if they ever left the place.
This isss themmmmmmmmmm in class
This is them being parents
Being my parents
Telling a big big secret
This is receiving a letter
This is them introducing a self
HILDA: hello you
BRANDA:
hallo jij
HILDA:
we or me
BRANDA:
wij of mij
HILDA:
they call me she
BRANDA:
ze noemen me zij
HILDA:
my sister calls me sissy
BRANDA:
mijn zus noemt me zusje
HILDA:
have a brother calls me sis
BRANDA:
heb een broer noemt me zus
HILDA:
or maybe lady,
BRANDA: of misschien dame
HILDA: A young lady.
BRANDA:
een jonge dame
HILDA:
the delivery guy calls me a little chickie.
BRANDA:
the delivery guy calls you a little chickie
HILDA:
my mother calls me young girl.
BRANDA: Mijn moeder noemt me klein meisje
HILDA: I have a friend, she calls me baby
BRANDA: Ik heb een vriend, ze noemt me baby
HILDA: boys should call me like that
BRANDA: jongens zouden me zo moeten noemen
HILDA: call me there baby
BRANDA: call me there baby
HILDA: but my mother calls me baby as well
BRANDA: maar men moeder noemt me ook baby
HILDA: only when were in Italy.
BRANDA: alleen als we in Italië zijn
HILDA: when I’m no good she calls me darling
BRANDA: little darling
HILDA: little darling
BRANDA: I call me, “me” whatever that may be or become
HILDA: I don’t believe in the word being
BRANDA:
Why?
HILDA: I like poetic words
BRANDA: Being is very poetic.
HILDA: No , not at all, being is an idea.
BRANDA: being is a verb, Present continuous I am being you are being he/she/it is being we are being you are being they are being Present perfect I have been you have been he/she/it has been we have been you have been they have been Future I will be you will be he/she/it will be we will be you will be they will be Future perfect I will have been…….
This is them being attacked, but kinda liking it
This is them waiting for a bus
Trying the unknown
Trying, Trying a..new…look?
This is them somewhere in a French cafe drinking strong coffee smoking ciggies and thinking ooh thinking
HILDA: I move my face slightly to the right I blink my eyes three times, I swallow, I think, I think, and what of all that I’ve decided to do myself? for all i know i've not been the one making the decision to start breathing, it just happened.
BRANDA: All things just happen, we don't decide. I didn’t decide who I am, and it has not been decided for me it's decided along the way ...
HILDA: So are we not responsible for our actions?
BRANDA: OO I think we are, but we tend to forget about that part.
This is them knowing what tomorrow will look like
HILDA: Lately I have been thinking, do you know why God created the world the way he did? I mean so complicated, Because i’ve been thinking about it, and it just get more and more puzzled if there is a divine plan it sure doesn’t look very divine, or plant like. It looks kinda like a mess. That's just how I feel. like i don’t know anything, it’s really scary
BRANDA:
I know what you mean I don’t even know the smallest things like the name of the prime minister, I don’t know why the sky is blue?
HILDA: I don’t know what blue is,
BRANDA: I don’t know why i don’t know
HILDA: I don’t know what my dad does at work
BRANDA: I don’t know how many different types of insects there are , can’t even remember if a spider has 6 or 8 legs.
HILDA: I don’t know the difference between good art and bad art. I have no clue what a hostile takeover is, nor why junk bonds are junky, I mean why would anybody want them if they’re worthless? it doesn’t make any sense.
BRANDA: I don’t know nothing about politics, I don’t know why carbs are bad for you, I don't know how to spell carbon monoxide nor the meaning. I don’t know what the recipe for a good apple crumble is.
HILDA:
I don’t know how to play the piano, I don’t know how to speak french, I don’t know how to make love, I do know how to make a scrambled egg , I know I like glitter, I know I like money, I know I like to party, I know I like to cry, I know I like to be seen.
BRANDA: I know how stubborn i can be, I know I’m a vegetarian, i know I’m feminine , I know I’m a daughter, I know I’m short I know I’m technically not the smartest person, I know I can smile, I know I want to be successful
HILDA: own a lot of books
BRANDA: read them
HILDA: books about
BRANDA: the world
HILDA: society
BRANDA: Books
HILDA: About
BRANDA: About
HILDA: about people
BRANDA: about me
HILDA: I want to read a book about me
BRANDA: write it
HILDA: write it with my
BRANDA: Secrets
HILDA: my deepest fears
BRANDA: I want people to know me
HILDA: like Nietzsche
BRANDA: like Christina
HILDA: Aguilera
BRANDA: and
HILDA: make movies
BRANDA: Direct them
HILDA: play them
BRANDA: show them
HILDA: I want to make movies about love
BRANDA: About
HILDA: Good
BRANDA: Stuff
HILDA: you see
BRANDA: I see
HILDA: you see we need to have
BRANDA: a purpose
HILDA: a desire
BRANDA:
a fulfilling
HILDA: dream
This is Hilda showing brand her costume
This is Hilda being proud of her new costume
This is seeking for a strong opinion
This is Branda telling Hilda it’s important to make something of their lives, something that will last forever.
BRANDA: It's important that we make something of our lives. Become something unexpected. we should go out there. do things, I mean big things. thinks that will last forever.
This is them having cake
BRANDA: O god you’re never going to believe what I’ve heard
HILDA: Go on..
BRANDA: You know Brenda and Hilda right?
HILDA: hmm kinda…
BRANDA: Well they have decided to no longer live in the shadows, in that room of theirs. And want to become something worth living...
HILDA: like what???
BRANDA: YYYEEAHHHA This is the best part, they want to become…clowns
HILDA: What?? Like a clown duo??! Are you joking?
BRANDA: Well I hope they have some jokes because for all I know being a clown, it’s a tough business
HILDA: My god I can’t wait to tell the girls on Tuesday
BRANDA: I know right, so crazy
HILDA: I always thought they were strange
BRANDA: Oh god George is coming this way, act like we're having fun
This is them looking for some fresh air
This is them in a forest. Ooh ehm no its, its them at the swimming pool
That’s playing football
Staying close to the wall Being the one unwanted
At the audition
This is them at the audition
HILDA: Soo, thanks for coming, is this your first time auditioning?
BRANDA: Yes, well no, well, I had some small roles here and there. But I really want to become serious with acting. It's my dream.
HILDA: Great! How would you describe yourself? As a modern female actress?
BRANDA: Uhm...
HILDA: No worries, you’re young, and beautiful, (you have) the keys to the kingdom.
HILDA: Now show me your emotions, please
HILDA: Surprised Afraid Wondering Wondering about your name Angry Happy with a touch of suspicion In love Mmm no wait I don't seem to believe that you're in love, please try that one again
HILDA: No something different… Uhhmm give it some sadness maybe that will work Andddd now go to mad More….moo…ore Happy OK thanks, now let’s do some dialogue from the scene at the swimming pool, OK? We’ll start from… .page 7 Oh and move a little bit closer to the wall please, mmm… yeah… eehm… but more yeah OK. Whenever you’re ready. BRANDA: I don't feel like playing football: there's a lot of water around here, I don’t think it's very safe HILDA: Ooh… please come on…, all the cool kids finally want to play with us, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity
BRANDA: I don't know, I’m not even … I’m not even HILDA: …good at football? BRANDA: I’m not even good at football
HILDA:
OK! Great, that was the scene. Thank you very much, we’ll send your tap to the director and give you a call, OK?
BRANDA: Oh OK This is knowing small things matter
This is them trying to be complete
This is them HILDA: “what happened? BRANDA: don't know”
This is getting ready for granny
This is them taking a break
Having a small break
This is them wandering around
This is them looking for a wonder
Getting a phone call... Oh no just missed it.
Getting ready for success
BRANDA: In the interview you gave to Time magazine you were very open about your childhood, especially about that room in which you spent hours. Can you tell us, what was your experience in this room?
HILDA: Well emmmm You know, I remember when I was 5,6, 7, 8 years old and I was very, very happy. Because I lived in dream…..s . I liked my own world. I created it myself and it was very, very peaceful. In that room I was far away from everything. But you know, at a certain point I didn't know if I dreamed things or if they really existed. And that, well yeah became very difficult for me and then my parents of-course…
BRANDA: Well, what about them?
HILDA: well they told me “waarom heb je dat gedaan?” why did you do that or or “je hebt gelogen.” you lied! That was very painful. Because for me it was real you know, I mixed things.
BRANDA: It was at this point that you went off to pursue your big dream to become a clown? How did your parents deal with that?
HILDA: Oo Gosh hmm
HILDA:
Well...I remember, I went away from home, to, you know, work on my career. And I didn’t see them for a while but I started to miss them. So I went back ..home. Only the parents weren't parents…..they were just… people.
BRANDA: I don't agree .. .
Ooh This is Branda going off script….
BRANDA: That was your experience. But mine was different. They were there, but they were children.. and I was the parent.
This is being the kind of parent that tries to make a difference
HILDA: Ooh my dear, you wish for so many things but you really don't get any of them do you? because the world has a wish on its own. All you may do, really, is stand by and look at what remains...
This is hilda feeling nauseous and brandy feeling a bit lost
This is them knowing better
This is getting better
feeling terribly sorry
HILDA: “because the world has a wish on its one”
This is them dancing in the middle of a field of flowers with a breeze of wind
This is them wondering
BRANDA: Sometimes I wonder if I'm really named …., and that freaks me out, because if I am not, then who am i? And if I don't have a real name, what am i?
HILDA:
Maybe i don’t exist and this is some kind of a cruel joke My family is playing on me but I don’t know if there capable of such a thing,
BRANDA: I think they're all faking it, particularly our parents, our social betters, people in positions of authority.
HILDA:
even in the middle of the night, when we are all asleep. I had a dream last night
BRANDA: a dream
HILDA: I dreamed I had a baby
BRANDA: a baby? ..the mystery of babies.
HILDA: the mystery of babies.
BRANDA: of having babies
HILDA: the mystery of a baby
BRANDA: of having
HILDA: of wanting
BRANDA: of wanting to have
HILDA: a baby
BRANDA: the mystery of wanting to have a baby
HILDA: a tiny
BRANDA: dependent
HILDA: a very tiny
BRANDA: very dependent
HILDA: Iddy biddy
BRANDA: widdoo widdoo
HILDA: baby.
BRANDA: the mystery
HILDA: of wanting to have one
BRANDA: of wanting to own one
HILDA: of wanting to have one’s own
BRANDA: baby.
HILDA: I want to have a baby
BRANDA: why?
HILDA: I want to hold t in my arms
BRANDA: here hold mine.
HILDA: I want to have one, one baby
BRANDA: here have this one. This extra one
HILDA: No, I want to have my own.
BRANDA: why?
HILDA: To be like me.
BRANDA: To look like you?
HILDA: Yes, yes, I want a baby.
BRANDA: To look like you
HILDA: Yes, yes, I want to look
BRANDA: at that baby
HILDA: and see
BRANDA: yourself
HILDA: Yes, and my mother
BRANDA: Father.
HILDA: Yes, yes Yes I want my baby to be
BRANDA: Your history
HILDA: Oooh, my history yes
BRANDA: your history and
HILDA: Yes my history and
BRANDA: Your legacy
HILDA: Yes, my legacy, my history and my legacy
BRANDA: Okay, ho dear
HILDA: whatever you want Here’s your baby
BRANDA: My baby??
HILDA: He’s going to grow up
BRANDA: Oh, not too fast I hope
HILDA: to be an artist
BRANDA: Oh my dear
HILDA: you wish for so many things…
BRANDA: And you really don’t get any of them, do you?
HILDA: because the world has a wish of its own…
BRANDA: all you may do, really, is stand by, in a kind of horror, until the world is finished and you can collect whatever remains.
HILDA: It must be awful to believe that.
BRANDA: Hilda, you revise and revise and revise the thing you want… and what are you left with?
HILDA: the other things you want, the trick is wanting a lot of things.
BRANDA: What if, maybe, I only think I'm Branda and that in fact I'm Hilda and you’re Branda and that somehow we got it all mixed up, tragically.
This is them on the ground
HILDA:
what happened to us
BRANDA: Nothing
HILDA: Should we do more?
BRANDA: I don't know
HILDA: What do you know?
BRANDA: All I know is I want to go home take off this uniform and leave the show there will be a thousand performances like this you wouldn’t remember.
HILDA: You think we will be useless and forgotten if we do nothing. if we just lay here?
BRANDA: i don’t know, all i know is we will not
HILDA: what?
BRANDA: we will not just lay here.
HILDA: i see
BRANDA: your looking?
HILDA: i’m looking
BRANDA: at what?
HILDA: You. i am looking at you
BRANDA: do i fit the description
HILDA: i think you do.
This is waiting , waiting for a ….miracle ?
This is them at the end of a day
HILDA: Aaaah I’m exhausted
BRANDA: Yeah i'm broken into a million pieces but it was all worth it
HILDA: What a night. What a crowd!
BRANDA:
And what a performance!
HILDA: We were..
BRANDA: Amazing..
HILDA: We were!! We were the best thing
BRANDA:
Ever!
HILDA: No one will ever accomplish what we just did
BRANDA: We were outstanding,
HILDA: Excellent
BRANDA: Exceptional
HILDA: Extraordinary
BRANDA: Sensational?...!!
HILDA: Seeennnnn Sssssaationnaaalllll!! BRANDA: Ooh and that that part when we
HILDA: OOOh that parttttttttt!!!
BRANDA: I never knew
HILDA:
We were capable of such a thing?!!!
BRANDA: What a night
HILDA: What a performance
BRANDA:
OOh and did you see that man on the 4th row
HILDA: OOh yesss
BRANDA:
He was, he was…
HILDA: He was crying ?
BRANDA: Yeah crying,
HILDA: Yeah crying!
BRANDA: Crying and …
HILDA: laughing
BRANDA: Yeahh laughing. Crying and laughing at the same time HILDA: And so passionate like as if… as if
BRANDA: As if he had never cried nor laughed before.
HILDA: And my god did the audience love us
BRANDA: They did
HILDA: They still do
BRANDA: They always will
This is them in a world full of worlds
This is them in their little place
This is them at the end of a long long hallway
Just them, in that colorful house on the corner at the park.
This was a day like any other day
This was it for now
3) trio (we+ [us -they- their's] mode of address)
This is US trio
LUCA:
This is us
At the moment us is named; TIM ADINA & LUCA
ADINA: Us is a group of three body’s
LUCA: Us exercised thought having these bodys, Because how are we without a body?
TIM: A nobody?
LUCA: You see
ADINA: You understand?
LUCA: we need a body to be any body.
ADINA: Exactly
TIM: But maybe without a body we are one, like one someONE..
LUCA: Wowwww
ADINA: Wooww
TIM: Woow?
ADINA: Very spiritual
LUCA: Yeah… ADINA: Yeah.
TIM: Yeah..?
LUCA: This is us looking at our bodys
ADINA: Moving within that skin
TIM: Having a sense of pain within this skin
ADINA: Feeling free within
LUCA: Standing still
ADINA: This is us standing still
LUCA: Standing and looking
ADINA: This is us looking at a the other
TIM: It is a totally
LUCA: Don't say it
ADINA: Yes maybe don't say it
TIM: Can us fly?
LUCA: Mmm physically you mean?
TIM: Yeah
LUCA: I'm not sure
TIM: I think us…
ADINA: Maybe don't go to spiritual again Oke?
TIM: Oke.
LUCA: Oke! This is us Us at the dinner table Us forgiving
TIM: Us forgetting
ADINA: One of us is very good in talking One of us knows how the world is going to end but can not tell us
LUCA: One of us has very shiny hair One of us has strong nails
TIM: One of us knows how to look at dead animals without feeling disgusted
ADINA: One of us gets high on smelling its own stinky feet after a long walk in the park
LUCA: One of us knows the alphabet the best
TIM: Us goes to the gym Us goes to the park Us reads food menus to relax Us like the part after sex Us never liked sex Us doesnt know sex Us knows how it feels to be looked at Us likes when people cry when something is beautiful Us will let you know when you're being a dick Or a pussy Or something undisibible
LUCA: Us is getting better in lissing
ADINA: Where does us come from?
TIM: us doesn't know where us comes from
LUCA: Us wonders where us comes from
ADINA: Us knows what it would like to become
TIM: Us can me many things Like…
LUCA: Like…
ADINA: like a young theater group
ADINA okee.. Where shall we pick it up…
LUCA
I was thinking maybe the backstage scene…
Tim The backstage scene?
ADINA Oh. oke
TIM
Uhum
LUCA oke then I’ll just do the..
ADINA
Great.
LUCA Why are you two exactly sitting on the floor?
TIM
It helps me.
LUCA Oke, But maybe you should sit a bit further away from each other?
Adina Were not seated in this scene
LUCA Yeah I know but for the feeling
Adina the feeling
TIM A bit further, Uhm yeah not wait. stay and one step, NO a small step yeah. Oke…
Oke?
Adina Oke.
Luca Oke!
Luca
INT. DRESSING ROOM- EVENING
In the background, we hear a big…
Tim
sorry, I’m sorry. but it feels weird, I think it will work better if we sit closer to each other, therefore we can feel the tensions between these two. You know…
..
Adina Here?
Tim yeah, here
Luca
Okay…
INT. DRESSING ROOM- EVENING
In the background, we hear a big audience cheering from excitement! into the dressing room walks a small clown looking very tired and a tall sweaty acrobat.
CLOWN:
I tell you It was madness!!
ACROBAT: It’s not true, this could never happen
CLOWN: What?! Why not?
ACROBAT: Tell me It didn't happen.
CLOWN: But it did.
ACROBAT: you and your fantasy are going too far…
CLOWN: I’m telling you the truth.
ACROBAT: OOh, don’t get me started on tHE truth.
CLOWN: I mean…
ACROBAT:
Like you even know what that means!
your mind is filled with illusions and you know it, you know I’m right !. that. is…… the. truth.
A moment of silence as they walk to their mirrors
CLOWN:
It’s just not fair.
ACROBAT:
fair?
CLOWN: This illusion makes me very happy, maybe a fool. but happy
ACROBAT: Do you know happiness is not a national human condition? It’s actually absurd.. trying to be happy I mean come onnnn..
CLOWN: Just because you are not able to be, doesn’t mean you have to keep others away from it! you crazy, so crazy as I should have known and did from the very beginning looking deep into my heart! And yes I’m talking about my heart, the heart you think you understand but never even sad your eye’s on
ACROBAT: now you’re just being a mean actress
CLOWN: a Clown, I’m a clown.
CLOWN: yah.. yah a clown.
As they both stop talking we see them taking off their make-up and costumes. They think of all the years they have performed together knowing this was their very last time doing so. As the light dims we still hear the ground cheering in the background.
Luca Okay great, let's just do it again but this time…
Tim Can I just say,, I, I feel a kind of distance in this scene, and I think it should be more I don’t
Luca Yeah I see what you mean
Adina
Maybe we should do it again but then I’ll like take more time for my first words, and you be more natural
Tim Yeah Tim natural? What do you mean?
Adina Like don’t play like yourself but be more like yourself
Tim I actually think this character is very far away from how I really am…
Luca But what is that right? What is what you really are.. right?
Tim
Ahhaha. Pfff well I don’t know it’s just not really me
Adina It has to Make me feel something…
Tim Ofcourse
Luca Yeah
Adina Yeah
Tim Yeah…
Adina
Just like play it more as you would play it
Just like yourself…
Luca yes be more like yourself
Adina you can be more like you
Okay?
Tim
Okay……
Luca Okay!
Tim But that’s so vague, right?
Luca Oke… Maybe .. oke…. Well then more like Like Like
Adina Like?
Luca Like.. Do you remember when we went out into the park yesterday?
Tim Yeah
Adina That was nice
Luca Yeah , Good weather! anyway you were telling us that story about being at that party, and you dressed up all glittery………and you were dancing all the time going crazy, and how you just had these bullshit conversations with everyone that didn’t make any sense, but that there was this one conversation. you had with this one person right, which was so good and deep and reall…and made total sense.
Tim Yeah..
Luca Well be more like you wear in that confrontation. with that person.
Tim I’m a bit lost
Luca Yess You areeee
Adina Yessss lost
Tim
No, I mean in this conversation
Adina Yeah I know, and use this confusion for the scene Right?
Luca Yeahhh totally
Tim Oke..
Adina Oke.
Luca Oke!
ADINA:
Us posses many things
Us has stuff
Ooooh so many stuff
A nice swedish sofa
TIM:
Us possesis many colors
Us can be
blue
Shiny pink
Soft ice White
Strong Black
Creamy Beige
Fresh Yellow
Smelly Green
Soft Orange
Intense Red
Us never know just one color
Us changes constantly
Any moment and voila something new
Us is gooooood in thinking
And because us is good in it
Us tents to do it a lot
This is us looking at tv and thinking
ADINA:
This is us feeling terribly sorry for what us said on the train to that stranger that just wanted to have a small conversation.
The sun makes us feel happy because the sun is warm and gives vitamins. Ue doesn't want to admit that the weather has a big influence on how us feels.
LUCA:
Us loves to talk about us
Us loves to wonder about us
Us doesn't know how us is
but us wonders and surges for how it can be
Even do us is always looking for a definition of us
Us will never possess one
Us is free to be all of us
Oooh look its us
Us at the museum
TIM:
Us is in costand surge of defining us
Us knows many definitions of us but has never come to possess just one definition
So us keeps on surging for THE definition
Us doesn't notice the small things Us trying to play Us not knowing the rules This is us trying to understand the other This is us giving up This is us showing something precious This should be us This could be us Us is something soft Something kind Something unnest This is us talking Us is good in talking Us talks a lot About About what us did or is about to do Us talks about how it has lots of friends and has difficulty finding time for all of them Us talks about what its good and bad Us finds it hard to talk about what it's not good at Us takes things personal And when us does Its finds talking about whats us just took personal difficult to talk about Maybe when us feels personally attract it doesn't talk but it screams
ADINA: Oeeehh screaming
LUCA: Yes maybe us can scream really loud
TIM: Us wonders what us needs to not feel attract
ADINA: Us often blames the other
TIM: The other is a problem
LUCA: The other made it difficult to feel good
ADINA: how is the other?
TIM: Us can be with four people But us can also be all people
LUCA: Us people destroying the world
ADINA: Are we?
TIM: Ohhh let’s not go into that topic
ADINA: Why not?
LUCA: Because this video is only going to be 10 minutes
ADINA: How do you know
LUCA: Im making it
ADINA: Right oke right
TIM: We…us are making it right?
LUCA: Right...
ADINA:
Right…?!
TIM: I mean us is in the this video because its about us
ADINA:
so all of us made this video
LUCA: So where talking about copyrights right now
ADINA: Yeah like is it only you how decides how us is
LUCA: No we all decide how us can be
TIM: Us can be all
ADINA: Yeah but that's too abstract like
LUCA: We could make a video of just 1 minute: hi dear viewer this is us Us is all, you vieuwe is also us your looking at all of us…
TIM: Pfff very pretentious
ADINA: We totally lost the scene
LUCA: You're right let's go back to the script
TIM: This is us at the museum
TIM: This was a small beginning for us.
ADINA: This was a small beginning from us.
LUCA: This was a small beginning of us.
Timeline ==
DEC
this is
this is them
intention of new work THIS IS US
What do I what the thesis to do
JAN
1) solo (I (me-mine) mode of address)
2) duet (we [us -they- their's] mode of address)
3) trio (we+ [us -they- their's] mode of address)
FEB
First Draft
MAR Second Draft + physical layout
APRIL DEADLINE
Bibliography
Brainard, J. (2001). I remember. Granary Books;Distributed to the trade by D.A.P.
Huizinga, J. (1970). Homo Ludens: A study of the play element in culture. London: Maurice Temple Smith Ltd.
Maalouf, A. (2001). In the name of identity: Violence and the need to belong. New York: Arcade. b. Photography and artworks
Porter, C (2020). What Artist wear.Penguin.England.
Versluis, A and Uyttenbroek, E. (2002-2021). Exactitudes. Holland.