Su

In Nov 2017, Su and I recorded a screen in which we used a mozilla pad to "converse" with each other. It lasted for almost 20 minutes.

I also captured footage of us typing (back to back, in a shared studio).

Now I would like to complete this project.

Thoughts

Su and I have not talked since our parting in 2017.

When I said I wanted to make something out of the footage, she said I needed to decide what it was about.

It was an example of letting the narrative (or idea) emerge after the making, I suppose.

Possibilities

17.09.2018

I will email Su and ask her if she would like to type with me again. I am in Rotterdam now. Is she still in Seoul?

22.09.2018

I haven't emailed Su.

Staring into the balcony and thinking about an installation of the typing setup. It's poetic.

08.10.2018

I haven't emailed Su.

I have taken on so much at school. So much is exciting. So much doesn't make sense. All does not require explanation.

I have come to detest premature intellectualization.

Su introduced me to Certain Fragaments by Tim Etchells. She said she would buy the book twice if she could.

01.11.2018

I haven't emailed Su.

Su seems to be a code name now.

It's her name, but I have lost its meaning from time to time.

This week has been horrible in many ways.

I don't know if I'd tell Su about it should we write to each other.

She often used the word absence.

16.11.18

I haven't emailed Su.

It seems she's the only one to whom I can say this:

something happened today, and I feel guilty about it.

(But I do know this page is open should one seeks it.)

Su would probably laugh and tell me, "I am not a Father and cannot forgive your sin."

I would probably say, "no one could, actually."

We would discuss morality.

"It's rather somber," I'd think in the moment.

"I placed too much weight on one action," I'd tell her days later.

At some point she would say,

"I don't really care about understanding or being understood. In fact, I quite like misunderstanding and mistakes."

That was something she did say about her work, which I found strange and beautiful.

22.12.18

~~Hi Su,~~

~~Dear Su,~~

Dear Su,

How are you?

I mentioned your name today in front of 150 people.

I said you recommended me a book that continued to influence me today.

I was almost reading from my speech, and only looked up a few times.

I was a bit choked up during part of it (not the part about you but something about the difficulties in my continuing travels), but I decided to manage my temper.

A few people told me they liked my story.

One person said that because she was close to me she could see I was nervous at some point.

"You did well. You were very... peaceful... is not the word. You were calm."

I wonder if this calmness, so it was perceived, correlates to your comment that time.

You said, "you observe."

25.11.18

I haven't written the email to Su.

I haven't written any email to Jeff.

Will I?

04.12.18

Su,

I brought you up today.

It's a funny phrase, bring up;

You were brought up in Seoul.

I mentioned you today, I guess, that should be clearer.

I don't know who you'd become.

And I am not so sure about who I am becoming.

A friend laughed when I said I cried while watching Widows. She was next to me.

I was surprised that she did not.

"When she made a sound and he said... yes. There was no line. It was perfect."

I cry more at movies now.

29.12.18

Hi Su,

I am at Brussels-Noord. It smells of piss. There is trash all over the benches. People are shouting. I read a reddit article. Flixbus drivers say passengers are robbed or have their bags stolen. Oops. I am sitting next to a group of young people who communicate in sign language. An old man who seems to have no jaw talks to someone he knows -- covered in a black hood and watching youtube clips -- I do not see his face. I tried to get on an early bus, but the driver told me it was full. I changed the ticket to a later one in case my budget flight was delayed; it was not. The couple next to me on the flight were very loud and oblivious. The woman ordered a bottle of white wine and the man, two whiskeys with a pepsi. He got another whiskey shortly after. I tried to finish my reading.

I hope I will make it to Rotterdam in one piece.