Luca-thesis outline

Thesis Outline

Question:

IF WE PLAY DOES THAT MEAN ITS NOT REAL(ITY) ?

Timeline

NOV Intro What is playing If we play does that mean it's not reality? Playing to belong

DEC,JAN THIS IS US

FEB First Draft MAR Second Draft + physical layout

APRIL DEADLINE

Containers

Intro What is playing If we play does that mean it's not reality? Playing to belong [1500 words]

THIS IS US [6000 words]

= 7500

Bibliography

In the name of identity violence and the need to belong (Amin Maalouf) Homo Ludens (Johan Huizinga) What Artist wear (Charlie Porter) I Remember (Joe Brainard) Exactitudes (Ari Versluis and stylist Ellie Uyttenbroek)

Intro

When I was young I spent most of my time playing in my room. It was my world, I created myself and it was very peaceful. I played many different characters and they all felt real. One day my niece told me that this playing wouldn't always stay but that it would gradually disappear. I believed her but I just couldn't understand why? The feeling of playing gave me so much joy, it made me discover many different parts of myself and I felt very much a life by doing so. But she was right, I became older and for some reason playing in my room didn't exist anymore. My consciousness became too present, I started thinking it was weird to be ‘pretending’….maybe we call this “growing up”? It was around this time I started theater class. I very much enjoyed it and I made my future plans to become an actress. The next stage was the theater academie. Once I arrived there I started wondering what this playing really was, and why it made me feel so alive. Maybe acting was a grown up version of playing in my room? The simulaire thing to playing in my room and playing on stage was the sensation of letting go of the beliefs around how I am and being different versions gave me a feeling of really being there. It may sound a bit vague, but playing gave me a strong feeling of really being present even though we might categorize it as pretending.

What is playing?

There are many definitions of every word. What definition of playing do I mean ...

Playing to belong

Something that fascinates me is how we as humans seek to connect with others and therefore ourselves - what we will do to experience connection and what kind of connection we allow. I think we often try to be "something" so we can belong to a certain group or movement in order to experience contact. This is how we create our story and our identity … In my work, the central focus is on people and their search for identity. Who are we? Where do we belong? How malleable is our identity? Why do we want confirmation from others? I try to show that people never know or possess one identity (as Amin Maalouf argues in On Identity). Our identity consists of many layers and different "characters" that we discover and alternate in a playful way, in order to create our own story. I am intrigued by group dynamics: which role/identity someone takes within a group, but also that groups create their identity by opposing other people and groups. People are often looking for confirmation, but this search may lead to alienation, isolation and the feeling of "not being alive". These elements (identity and group dynamics) are in line with my fascination for people who constantly present themselves to the outside world. How do we want other people to see us? How do we want to see ourselves? I do not find this self-conscious urge for presentation to be exclusively negative: I think that the human being is a playful being at its core and that the different ways of presenting yourself to the outside world are in line with our urge to play. By self-presentation, people can playfully create an identity and reality with which he / she can approach and avoid the world. I believe playing is both a flight and a search for genuine contact with ourselves and the other.

THIS IS US

This is us

This is us Us is a group of body’s Us existentes thought having these bodys Because how is us without a body? A nobody? Exactly us needs a body to be anybody. This us is liking the body Moving within that skin Having a sense of pain within this skin Feeling free within Standing still This is us standing still Standing and looking This is us looking at a dead bird You can almost not see it once was a bird It is totally spliced… But you can still see this birth one had beautiful wings To fly with Yeah to fly with Can us fly? Mmm physically you mean? Yeah I'm not sure This is us Us at the dinner table Us forgetting Us knows many versions of us One of us is partly paralised One of us knows how the world is going to end but can not tell us One of us has very shiny hair One of us has strong nails One of us knows how to look at dead animals without feeling disgusted One of us gets high on smelling its own stinky feet after a long walk in the park One of us knows the alphabet the best Us goes to the gym Us goes to the park Us reads food menus to relax Us like the part after sex Us never liked sex Us doesnt know sex Us knows how it feels to be looked at Us likes when people cry when something is beautiful Us will let you know when you're being a dick Or a pussy Or something undisibible That us getting better in lissing This us wondering if us will be kind to us Them us Those us Usssssing around Us Where does us come from?

Us posses many things Us has stuff Ooooh so many stuff A nice swedish sofa

Us possesis many colors Us can be blue Shiny pink Soft ice White Strong Black Creamy Beige Fresh Yellow Smelly Green Soft Orange Intense Red Us never know just one color Us changes constantly Any moment and voila something new Us don't notice it it self Nooo us often thinks its one color Us is gooooood in thinking And because us is good in it Us tents to do it a lot But it also makes us forget about all the other things us can do Like feeling This is us feeling terribly sorry for what us said in the train to that stranger that just wanted to have a small conversation This makes us feel happy because the sun is shining, us doesn't want to admit that the weather has a big influence on how us feels. Us

Us loves to talk about us Us loves to wonder about us Us doesn't know how us is but us wonders and surges for how it can be Even do us is always looking for a definition of us Us will never possess one Us is free to be all of us

Us is in costand surge of defining us Us knows many definitions of us but has never come to possess just one definition So us keeps on surging for THE definition This is us talking Us is good in talking Us talks a lot About About what us did or is about to do Us talks about how it has lots of friends and has difficulty finding time for all of them Us talks about what its good at Us finds it hard to talk about what it's not good at Us takes things personal And when us does Its finds talking about whats us just took personal difficult to talk about Maybe when us feels personally attract it doesn't talk but it screams Oeeehh screaming Jes maybe us can scream really loud Us wonders what us needs to not feel attract Us often blames the other The other doesn't understand The other is a problem The other made it difficult to feel good how is the other?

Us knows how us is but us does not know what us means Us can be with four people But us can also be all people Us people destroying the world Are we? Ohhh lets not go into that topic Why not? Because this play is only going to be 10 minutes How do you know Im making it Right oke right But how is the maker of the video? Right... ? Right…???!! I mean us is in the play so all of us made this play So where talking about auteursrecht right now Yeah like is it only you how decides how us is No we all decide how us can be Us can be all Yeah but that's too abstract like We could make a play of just 1 minute hi dear viewer this is us Us is all Pfff very pretentious We totally lost the scene You're right let's go back to the script This is us at gym class

Us doesn't notice Us trying to play Us not knowing the rules This is us trying to understand the other This is us giving up This is us showing something precious This should be us This could be us Us is something soft Something kind Something unnest

Us at the gallery Us walked towards a big orange circle on the floor The gide stops and tells the group about the work Sooo yeah here we are at one of my favorite works, in this work the artist is talking about how a color can refer to certain emotions and in this one it's about freedom

Us knowing how to save the world Us Us know how its feels to be left alone after...

Us is a theater group Us moving Us playing Us praying

One of us is polite and knows how to come into a room by presenting it self, one other of us, the one with the pink shirt on the right standing crossed legged For some reason feels the need to translate her introduction; L hello you A hallo jij L we or me A wij of mij L they call me she A ze noemen me zij L my sister calls me sissy A mijn zus noemt me zusje L have a brother calls me sis A heb een broer noemt me zus L or maybe lady, A of misschien dame L A young lady. A een jonge dame L the delivery guy calls me a little chickie. A the delivery guy calls you a little chickie L my mother calls me young girl. A Mijn moeder noemt me klein meisje L I have a friend, she calls me baby A Ik heb een vriend, ze noemt me baby L boys should call me like that A jongens zouden me zo moeten noemen L call me there baby L call me there baby L but my mother calls me baby as well A maar men moeder noemt me ook baby L only when were in Italy. A alleen als we in Italie zijn L when I’m no good she calls me darling L little darling L little darling A I call me, “me” whatever that may be or become L I don’t believe in the word being, A why? L I like poetic words A -Being is very poetic. L No , not at all, being is an idea. A -being is a verb Present continuous

I am being you are being he/she/it is being we are being you are being they are being

Present perfect I have been you have been he/she/it has been we have been you have been they have been

Future I will be you will be he/she/it will be we will be you will be they will be

Future perfect I will have been…….

This is us knowing all of us want to hear something new something different Lately i have been thinking do we know why God created the world the way he did? I mean so complicated, Because i’ve been thinking about it, and it just get more and more puzzled if there is a divine plan it sure doesn’t look very divine, or planlike. it looks kinda like a mess. that’s just how i feel. like i don’t know anything, it’s really scary

A I know what u mean I don’t even know the smallest things like the name of the prime minister, I don’t know why the sky is blue? L: I don’t know what blue is, A: I don’t know why i don’t know L I don’t know what my dad does at work A I don’t know how many differed types of insects there are , can’t even remember if a spider has 6 or 8 legs. L I don’t know the difference between good art and bad art. I have no clue what a hostile takeover is, nor why junk bonds are junky, I mean why would anybody want them if they’re worthless? it doesn’t make any sense. A I don’t know nothing about politics, I don’t know why carbs are bad for you, i don’t know how to spell carbon monoxide nor the meaning. I don’t know what the recipe for a good apple crumble is. L I don’t know how to play the piano, I don’t know how to speak french, I don’t know how to make love, I do know how to make a scrambled egg , I know I like glitter, I know I like money, I know I like to party, I know I like to cry, I know I like to be seen. A I know how stubborn i can be, I know I’m a vegetarian, i know I’m feminine , I know I’m a daughter, I know I’m short I know I’m technically not the smartest person, I know I can smile I know I want to be successful L own a lot of books A read them L books about A the world L society A books L about A about L about people A about me L I want to read a book about me A write it L write it with my A secrets L my deepest fears A I want people to know me L like Nietzsche A like Christina L Aguillera A and L make movies A Direct them L play them A show them L I want to make movies about love A about L Good A stuff L you see A I see L you see we need to have A a purpose L a desire A a fulfilling L dream

sometimes i wonder if i’m really named …., and that freaks me out, because if i am not, then who am i? and if i don’t have a real name what am i? A: Maybe i don’t exist and this is some kind of a cruel joke My family is playing on me but I don’t know if there capable of such a thing,

L: i think there all faking it, particularly our parents, our social betters, people in positions of authority. A: even in the middle of the night, when we are all asleep. I had a dream last night L a dream A I dreamed I had a baby L a baby A the mystery of babies. L the mystery of babies. A of having babies L the mystery of a baby A of having L of wanting A of wanting to have L a baby A the mystery of wanting to have a baby L a tiny A dependent L a very tiny A very dependent L Iddy biddy A widdoo widdoo L baby. A- the mystery L of wanting to have one A of wanting to own one L of wanting to have one’s own A baby. L I want to have a baby A why? L I want to hold t in my arms A here hold mine. L I want to have one, one baby A here have this one. This extra one L No, I want to have my own. A why? L To be like me. A To look like you. L Yes, yes, I want a baby. A To look like you L Yes, yes, I want to look A at that baby L and see A yourself L Yes, and my mother A Father. L Yes, yes Yes I want my baby to be A Your history L Oooh, my history yes A your history and L Yes my history and A Your legacy L Yes, my legacy, my history and my legacy A Okay, ho dear L whatever you want Here’s your baby A My baby L He’s going to grow up A Oh, not too fast I hope L to be an artist A: Oh my dear L: you wish for so many things… A And you really don’t get any of them, do you? L: because the world has a wish of it’s own… A: all you may do, really, is stand by, in a kind of horror, until the world is finished and you can collect whatever remains. L: It must be awful to believe that. A: Luca, you revise and revise and revise the thing you want… and what are you left with? L: the other things you want, the trick is wanting a lot of things.

A: What if, maybe, i only think i’m Adina and that in fact i’m Luca and you’re Adina and that somehow we got it all mixed up, tragically.

L what happend? A i don’t know All I know is I want to go home take off this uniform and leave the show there will be a thousand performances like this you wouldn’t remember. L: You think we will be useless and forgotten if we do nothing. if we just lay here? A: i don’t know, all i know is we will not L: what? A: we will not just lay here. L: i see A: your looking? L: i’m looking A: at what? L: you. A: do i fit the description L: i think you do.

Fact 1 Fact 2 Fact 3 Fact 4 Fact 5 Fact 6 Fact 7

sometimes I am afraid you will tell me that this is not a work of fiction

And then i’m going to live, my real life your real life? yeah my real life this is your real life no, nah naha my real life is bigger in proportion? no in actions, its buzzy with visiting all kinds of countries, and i have a lot of interesting friends who collect all kind of stuff, stuff that doesn’t matter but because they expose it in a beautifully way it suddenly becomes supper interesting like,like,like this friend that collectes sand correls witch are so smal but then he puts a big lens in front of this korrel en you suddenly see all there colors and all there very special very personal details that al this korrels posses. It makes you think about originality with maybe doesn’t assist but there are still al these differences and so it’s a part of a hole and that makes me imagene that the whole world is a machine machines never come with any extra parts, you know they always come with the exact amount they need so i figured if the entire world was one big machine.. i couldn’t be an extra part i mean it’s just touching how those sand korrels makes me think and feel and aren't those korrel just uniek it’s like they have ,like a soul