Nihal's second draft

[1520 words more or less, not including references]

In my time so far in Piet Zwart's master program, I have worked on several films. A recurring pattern that appears in my work is a use of symbolism and metaphors to explore topics of inaction, deprived desires and effects of environment on the consciousness.

The short film I made for the eye film museum's research labs is titled "I'm here" and it explores the phenomena of the distance between subconscious thought and conscious action. The film constitutes of moving images of everyday residential surroundings that takes the perspective of the viewer as the key character and takes them through sequences of images layered with text. Dying house plants are used as a metaphor for ideas, actions and/or ambitions that were neglected and forgotten even though they were of potential importance and perhaps even assumed necessity to the viewer. The images are meant to emphasise feelings of neglect and inaction despite awareness of the consequences.

The project started with generation of ideas for scenes that were loosely connected with the theme of urgency and broader topics such as war, climate change and industrialisation. Most of these were transcribed from voice recordings that I would make during night outs in clubs. These places seemed to exacerbate feelings of urgency and neglect for me and I would record any idea that was even remotely connected to the topic.

I wanted to use these broader topics as an example of consequence of neglect and inaction and employ the feelings of helplessness in relation to such events. Since awareness or lack thereof was a key artifact of consciousness that i wanted to explore, I wanted the viewer to become aware of the space that they were watching this film in hopes of pointing out how selective our awareness is. To realise these broad images, the intention was to use Artificial Intelligence for image generation and use very long duration, static white shots to light up the cinema room so that the viewer can easily see the space and their neighbours and would have time to break out of the screen. However the limitations of current state of Artificial Intelligence quickly made it clear that such image generation tools would be insufficient to realise the aforementioned moving image sequences.This lead to reflection on the origins of my interest in this topic and why I wanted to make such a film.

I have a deep interest in psychology of addiction and the writings of psychologist and researcher Anna Lembke. Specifically the research on role of dopamine in decision making and how its very easy for short term gratification to overpower long term decisions. She discusses the notion of subconscious mind and how some actions generated by it can only be realised by the conscious brain in retrospect. For the project I decided to take a more personal and individualised approach. Instead of addressing the theme through such broad topics as climate change, a more personal metaphor of neglect was used which in my case are my dying houseplants.

The first version of the film consisted of black and white shots of plants with their leaves falling apart, images of a person working in the background who is the neglectful caretaker and warped shots of various plants and trees in the residential neighbourhood to generate an eerie and depressing atmosphere, symbolic of loss of life and connecting it to the death of plants. In this version, the film lacked linearity and it seemed that the phenomena of neglect needed a past, present and potential future to make sense. Also the symbols and scenes felt too direct to me. I aspire to make visual and textual sequences as open-ended as possible while preserving the core themes so that viewers can project their own experiences and memories on the metaphors. I have been greatly inspired by songwriting of artists like Thom Yorke. In the song "Nude" he opens with "Don't get any big ideas they're not gonna happen" without a mention of what the "big ideas" are, allowing the listener to translate it into the current/past events of their lives.

The second and final version of the film also consisted of shots of flora in residential neighbourhood, but this time in very vivid and saturated colours and also slow moving shots of water and trees and birds.

The slow moving shot of water and trees were symbolic of a flourishing and hopeful past

I tried to put the viewer in the scene as the key character using a shot of a reflection of a person looking directly at themselves and also partially at the houseplants in front of them. Time was slowed down in most sequences to give the viewer, space for recalling memories and generating projections.

The present is embodied using a shot of dry and dying houseplant slowly moving with the wind. This signifies the neglect and inattention on part of the viewer. Then the plant pot breaks which is used as a transition to the unchangeable future. The final scene is a long slow motion shot of bird flying in blue skies which simultaneously signifies acceptance of the consequences of action which are now permanent in nature and despair / regret in light of a potentially free and vivid future which was never realised.

After making the two versions I realised that the differences in the two films were in part due to the effects of my own environment. The first version was mostly shot and edited in the month of December when the skies were grey, days were short with barely any light and I was mostly isolated with most of my friends away for holidays. Perhaps this translated into the images being grey and a bit depressing in nature.

In contrast the first few weeks of January were quite sunny and a relief from the previous months. That sense of relief was also translated into the final version of the film in the form of the various vivid colours and slow motion shots. I usually now try to listen to certain types of music while filming various material with the goal of manufacturing a reality for myself which aligns with the mood and purpose of my film.

The first draft i made for the eye project in November, titled "Ijsje", has a few parallels in terms of the themes of the current actions affecting the future and the importance and weight of current decisions. Both films are without spoken dialogue and the plot is conveyed via subtitles and metaphors and long shots. Both films also end on a unresolved unambiguous note, tending in the direction of despair and regret. I like the exploration of sombre reality in film. Films like Manchester by the Sea where the protagonist doesn't end up victorious and with resolved internal conflicts have had great influence on me. In Manchester by the sea the character's life takes a dark turn through one unfortunate event and even though he sees glimpses of hope, he still is unable to get himself out of the hole of despair even rejecting opportunities to get better and help from his friends/family. I think thats a more accurate picture of reality for a lot of lives and individuals.

For my next project I want to make a film about industrial landscapes. Like the port of Rotterdam and Amsterdam and the industrial areas just outside big cities. For this project I am working backwards from my usual methodology, starting with recording the images first before writing a script. I am pointing my camera at the unique and massive industrial structures and trying to identify what it is that draws me to them and have the story be an emergent property of the process.

The seed for this project originated when I showed my eye film to my housemate. He is very familiar with the locations that the film was shot in but nonetheless he told me that he saw the images in a new way, perhaps because they were my interpretation of those surroundings. Ports and industries play a big role in our lives, but they are quite abstract presences. Weird unfamiliar structures that people don’t know much about. What kind of events happen in these surroundings? What kind of rules do you need to comply with to negotiate your presence in these spaces? There is a lot of illegal activities in these places and its a very masculine atmosphere. It feels like you are not supposed to be there. It feels like an otherworldly jungle but perhaps one that is not meant to support bodies.

I am drawn to spaces which are not easy to access. For instance I like to do a lot of hiking especially on difficult trails where you really need to plan the route, you need to learn some techniques and be very focused at all times, otherwise it can be quite dangerous. Perhaps I am hoping to discover something rare in these spaces, something that maybe you only get to see or feel if you put in the work.

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