LauText

What have you been making?

During the past months I have been working on different projects. I’m finishing my short fiction ‘Release’. This film focuses on the experiences of a young boy, Bo (18), entering a gay-sauna for the first time. In the film Bo learns the do’s and don’ts of cruising in a highly sexual space by simply doing and exploring. The film has a duration time of 20 minutes and contains multiple visits of Bo to the gay-sauna, covering a total time span of half a year.

My most recent work while attending this master's program is the short film 'There's Something Behind Glass', which was made for the EYE filmmuseum research-lab. It's a visual essay that compares a personal story to a news event, in this case a grindr date that never happened and the escape of silverback gorilla Bokito in the Rotterdam zoo. The film is in my opinion a stream of consciousness, since it portrays an associative thought process. During the rest of this text I will mostly focus on this project.

How did you make it?

When I start a project, mostly the first inspiration comes from a particular feeling or observation from life itself. A lot of the time I start from emotion, from something abstract I feel that is quite particular, but also has a certain universality regarding the human experience. This is also the beginning of the two short films I worked on mentioned above. First I try to put this feeling into words. For both of these films early on I wrote some poetry to give this inner observation a form, to make it touchable.

Next I try to find theories that elaborate on this personal sensation. My research is mostly project-based. First, I choose a subject and then I find sources that can expand my knowledge.

In ‘There’s Something Behind Glass’ a central event was the escape of the gorilla that happened back in 2007 at Blijdorp. This was a very big item in the Netherlands. Everybody talked about it.

I wanted to gain more information about what happened during Bokito’s escape. So I read multiple passages from Aad Wagenaars’ ‘Bokito’ in which he unfolds a detailed description of the day he escaped. This gave me more insight into which elements of the event I wanted to use for my own story.

Thematic-wise I wanted to dive deeper into the concept of desire. I took a closer look at Jacques Lacan's notion of objet a. This idea became a starting point for shaping the psychology of the film. I was fascinated by this idea of an unconscious need to have a desire that will always be out of reach, an obsession we project on multiple people/persons who can’t answer our feelings. Because when our fantasy becomes too real, it only seems to do harm and our dream vanishes. That’s where Bokito comes in, I found the notion of an entity behind glass a good metaphor for this concept.

Apart from this theoretical research this film also grew by collecting images and material and starting with an edit. In this way I did research by just starting with creation itself. I started with finding and creating images that carried certain aspects of the story or carried a feeling. I made my own shots with various gear or searched through archival material, both personal and public, I did a lot of freewriting of poetry and I made a first edit. This version was very chaotic, but had some interesting elements that would make it to the final version. By then it was clear to me what the form of the film would be, also because of the theoretical research.

So I wrote and recorded the voice-over which became fundamental for the structure of the film. The next step was matching images with certain parts of the text and sound-design.

Relation to previous practice.

The way desire can move a human-being is a recurring theme in my work. It’s very visible in both of the works I’m writing about.

In my practice writing is a steady and big part of the process. Whether it’s a solid script, a voice-over or associative poetry. A lot of ideas start for me from words. But at the same time I try to make visual work that carries meaning in its silence. ‘Release’ doesn’t contain any dialogue. The film is focused on the non-verbal communication of the act of cruising and shows its story through ambience and tension. So when I write, I write in images and feelings.

Regarding the eye project, for me working in this personal, essayistic way is different from the work I used to produce. During my bachelor's I was primarily focused on documentary and fiction moving images in a traditional way in the role of a writer and director. These were films that represented a certain message in scenes and through characters and not directly addressed one’s own thoughts.

‘Release’ is a good example of this practice. It’s a film that’s quite traditionally fiction that started with a script, then shooting and then post. I was merely the writer/director and operated within a big crew of people, each working on their own department.

In this project, I chose to operate on a more individual level, handling everything from script to camera, edit and sound. This allowed me more creative freedom, although it also posed its own set of challenges. Nevertheless, this approach has given me the ability to evolve and grow as a more autonomous artist.

‘There’s Something Behind Glass’ also never had these clear stadia of production that were very much apart from each other. The writing happened alongside the editing.

I’m the kind of filmmaker that likes to twist reality and make it my own, mixing fiction with documentary and vice versa. In ‘Release’ most roles were played by non-actors that used their own personal experience to shape a character. In ‘There’s Something Behind Glass’ I used a personal and a collective reality to dive into a subjective experience.

What do you want to make next?

There are several projects that are on my mind. While attending this master’s program I’d like to challenge myself to pick up smaller projects that have a shorter timespan. Making films like ‘Release’ are heavy processes that take a lot of time, effort and involve a lot of people, money and parties. With ‘There’s Something Behind Glass’ I experienced what it’s like to work on a smaller scale, in a shorter amount of time and more autonomous. So an intention I want to set is minimizing my cinematic practice in a way I need less money and people to create. In the future I’d like to research a more individual and guerilla way of creating images. An approach that can create more autonomy and less dependency.

But apart from my moving image work I’d like to expand my horizon, creating different outcomes which can also include still images. For example, since the seminar from Frits Giesberg I’m also working on a draft for a photobook called ‘Calypso’ in which I combine images and self-written poetry.

(I also want to examine the notion of performativity more in my work. Art that challenges the status quo and opens up new possibilities for understanding and change. I’d like to research cinematic work that goes beyond the traditional narrative structure and instead focuses on the process of creating meaning and the relationship between the film and its audience. In this context, the film is not just a passive representation of a story or message, but an active participant in creating and shaping the experience of the viewer. I want to engage the audience in an immersive and participatory experience that challenges the traditional boundaries between the film and its viewer.)

For my future research I want to dive more into topics such as generational trauma, addiction and healing. For this I want to use found footage of my own childhood while also researching a broader history of queer oppression and resistance, including different perspectives and stories.

Why do you want to make it?

A lot of my work has been limited to single screen media, which can be watched from everywhere, from a telephone to a cinema room. By visiting expositions with multimedia installations in TENT, Stedelijk and EYE I have been inspired to look beyond my comfort zone

I want to focus more on using the notion of space in my work.

My goal is to be versatile in my practice, being a visual artist that has a box of tools in which they use the medium that resonates with the subject of focus. I’m aspiring to be a chameleon; using the medium that serves me in the moment

However, the form of my work will always be determined by the story I wish to tell. Sometimes I do switch back to a more classical cinematic work when I feel I have a story I want to tell in movement and time. In my opinion form can be a start, but function determines the end result.

In my work there is a certain fascination for the more intimate parts of human life. Also when I look back at my earlier portfolio I see these primal urges and edges of our inner life as a primal focus for the themes I investigate. I think the subconscious mind and our emotional world are the most fascinating parts to explore.

Apart from this I’m also invested in the experiences of marginalized communities since I feel these are the stories that matter. Being queer has given me the opportunity to tell stories from within our spaces and culture, Release being a good example. I feel a necessity to continue to tell stories from a non-heteronormative perspective. Stories that challenge the status quo around gender, intimacy, oppressed values and white cis male-dominated spaces.

The topics around trauma and recovering I’d like to focus on in the future arise from these interests. In a way I want my work to be a healing component itself, not only for myself but also the participant that enters the work.

Relation to a larger context?

As a filmmaker and visual media artist, my journey has been a dynamic one. I started my artistic career creating classical films, utilizing conventional storytelling methods and techniques. However, as I matured as an artist and began to explore my own personal experiences, I became interested in expanding my artistic practice to encompass new and innovative forms of expression.

This led me on a journey of experimentation, where I sought to challenge traditional notions of film and media, and to find new ways to tell my stories. I began to explore the use of unconventional techniques, such as abstract imagery and unconventional camera angles, as well as new forms of storytelling, such as autoethnography. I resonate with other queer artists that try to uncover society’s demands and show the desires and stories within the community. Examples are David Wojnarowicz and Nan Goldin.

In relation to a larger context, I relate to artists such as Miranda July and Cindy Sherman who’s oeuvre covers multiple mediums and who are also sometimes present in the work themselves.

My focus on personal experiences and emotions aligns with the trend of autoethnographic storytelling, while my exploration of the gay community connects to the study of gender and sexuality in queer theory. I relate to other artists who used their personal experience as part of their work, such as Barbara Hammer, Ocean Vuong,  E. Patrick Johnson, Marlon Riggs and Eileen Myles.

In the future I’d like to focus on artists who use healing and the queer body  as a main theme in their work. For example work by José Esteban Muñoz, Diane Vergara and Anneke Kampman.

As I continue to evolve as an artist, I remain committed to using my practice to challenge dominant cultural narratives and to give voice to marginalized perspectives. I am dedicated to exploring new and innovative forms of storytelling, and to finding new and creative ways to tell my stories.

Notes Te

What have you been making?

• Project for eye - something behind glass

• Visual essay, where maker explores the escape of silverback gorilla in the Rotterdam zoo with a Grindr date that never happens

• Both he Bokito story and the Grindr story are true, and fascinating

How did you combine these stories/ compare?

• Was difficult, at first unsure

• They were seemingly so distant, but both very symbolic

• Tried to narrate the story by telling the events and juxtaposing, also using some fiction

• Voice over/script written by self

What about the visual elements?

• At first both elements stand apart from each other

• Images of a zoo, and a human in an empty zoo in the beginning

• Images in-between come through that symbolise distant love

• Eventually the two stories come together through the use of a human in a gorilla mask climbing in bed. A point where reality doesn’t make sense and things blur in between

• The film is a stream of consciousness

Why did you decide to make it this way?

• Maker tried to find a form that could express this comparison they are making

• Trying to find a way in which they could shift in between images. Playing with fiction and documentary.

• Opening room for them to move freely and not just stick to one image or style. It is quite essayistic but also very diverse visually.

Is this different from your previous practice?

• Very different for the maker. Maker was previously focused on narrative, dramatic fiction. Didn’t leave room for their own thoughts

• Similarly, in documentary, you just focus on reality around you.

• This new form was difficult for the maker, to address these topics and place themselves in it, as a personal view

• It feels for them like a diary

• Previous works for the maker were more of an outcome of a feeling they wanted to express through a story.

What next?

• Yes, maker wants to break a bit from the traditional way of how they were trained. This first film was a big first step for that.

• The maker wants to make the work more spatial, adding theatrical and performative and interactive elements. Make the space more involved

• Maker is really interested in the notion of trauma and the effects it has on people. They have 12 hours of footage from childhood, which motivates this. Childhood was not easy, mother sick

• Wants to make a personal but also collective history of trauma.

• Additionally, looking at queer and gender oppression, similarities in the trauma and wants tot find these and explore in their work.

Is dealing with heavy topics essential to your work?

• Maker has consistently been wrestling with these sensitive issues in their work. Addiction and trauma also

• Somehow there has always been a sort of conflict involved whenever they are working. Part of the research for them is going through heartbreak, or trauma. Talking to others is also important, so they don’t feel like so individual in their trouble

• Opening conversation helps to understand and motivate artistic exploration

Why do you make?

• It always come from first instinct

• But there is always a healing component too, for themselves

• However it shouldn’t just be therapy for themselves, they also want to have their work be a place of catharsis for others, to heal, find hope or at the very least have a different view. (Ex. No one would ever see the similarity between a gorilla and a Grindr date!)

• Also co-creation is important to them, thru performance, input, acting, using real people and their stories as a base to build off (ex. Portrait of sam)

First draft

What have you been making?

My most recent project is the short film 'There's Something Behind Glass'. It's a visual essay that compares a personal story to a news event, in this case a grindr date that never happened and the escape of silverback gorilla Bokito in the Rotterdam zoo. The film is in my opinion a stream of consciousness, since it portrays an associative thought process.

How did you make it?

I found both stories that I tried to combine fascinating and similar in a strange, symbolic way. Trying to blend these texts together in one medium was difficult and I'm still not entirely sure if I totally got it in this version.

I started with creating images that carried certain aspects of the story. Later I wrote and recorded the voice-over which became the fundament for the structure of the film. The next step images with certain parts of the texts. In this voice-over I tell about a personal story while also giving flashbacks about the events surrounding Bokito. In a way I wanted to juxtapose these two happenings in image and sound. Eventually the two stories come together through the use of a human wearing a speedo and a gorilla mask appearing in front of the camera.

Relation to previous practice.

For me working in this personal, essayistic way is different from the work I used to produce. I was primarily focused on documentary and fiction work in a traditional way. Films that represented a certain message in scenes and not directly addressing one’s own thoughts. In this film I have been operating on a more individual level. I used to work with bigger crews and this time I did everything myself, script, camera, edit and sound.

What do you want to make next?

For my next project I’d like to focus more on using the notion of space in my work. A lot of my work has been limited to single screen media, which can be watched from everywhere, from a telephone to a cinema room.

But I have been interested for a long time in creating an ambience with image and sound in a particular space. I’d like to include performance art in these pieces as well. But these ambitions always have to match with the story I’d like to tell next. Sometimes I do switch back to a more classical cinematic work. In my opinion form can be a start, but function determines the end result.

I’d like to use the essaystic form as part of the process again, because it can express similarities and flows of thought in a quick, interesting way.

For my future research I’d like to dive more into topics as generational trauma, addiction and healing. For this I want to use found footage of my own childhood while also researching a broader history of queer oppression and resistance.

Why do you want to make it?

In a way I want my work to be a healing component itself, not only for myself but also the participant that enters the film or work.

Feedback Sam/Te:

• 'In my opinion', you write it in first person, it sounds a bit redundant. You're the one who makes it. Leave it out and it sounds stronger.
• Curious about the Bokito event, it would be nice if you give some more details. How is that important to you. I feel curious to know more. Contextualize that.
• The metaphor of glass, more clear. Poetry. Elaborate on this a bit more.
• Writing poetry, include more of what is part of my practice.
• Include research for Bokito, Stine
• Include radical faeries
• Similarities thematic wise between Bokito and RELEASE