Creative Writing, Paula

Not Invited - February, 17

Once again I'm not invited. I thought this happens only when you are a child or a teenager at most. Not at this age. Not again and again and again. Once again I'm not invited. Not invited to share my thoughts. To turn them into words and speak them out loud. But what if I do have something to say? Who will I tell it to? My alien friend. Will you be my companion, my pal? Will you, dear unknown stranger, stick with me? Just for now - that's all I'm asking for. Together, we can confirm our existence to one another. I need you to do that for me. Confirm me. Comfort me. Be my witness. For I cannot confirm myself. I cannot comfort myself. I need you to do that for me. I need you to be the witness of my last words: For tomorrow I will fall silent. And I will remain silent from this day forward for the rest of my life. I refuse to speak again once and for all.

To say goodbye to the speaking part of the world I prepared a list of my favorite words for each letter of the alphabet. I will read them to you: Amnesia, Boredom, Claustrophobia, Delusion, Ether, Fukushima ...

I'm inviting you to let me guide you through this. For there are rules to be obeyed. Rules I need to tell you, Rules without which I cannot continue.

Rule Number One: Be present. Don't leave the room. Don't check your phone. Give me your full attention. I need it. I long for it. I deserve it.

Rule Number Two: Watch this by yourself and share it only with people who you know also decided to fall silent.

Rule Number Three: Erase this video after watching it.

As these are my last words, you might think I must have chosen them carefully. I did not. I will not pretend to hold some kind of wisdom ready for you. I will neither have advise, nor answers. I just want you to share this with me so I don't have to be alone. You are going to be my last audience.

I've been wanting to quit talking for quite some time already. But I'm never satisfied with my last sentence. It has to be something special, something deep and meaningful. I can't stop talking before I haven't found the right last sentence. I just won't accept anything mediocre. I did have it once but then there was nobody i could share it with. That obviously doesn't count then. So you have to stick with me tonight until i find it again.

One word for each letter of the alphabet. For the POV of someone doing a video confession.

What it means to have no audience From tomorrow on I will never speak again. Decide to remain silent Silence as resistance

I need you to mirror me. To compensate, to comfort. For I can't confirm

Witness

Memory

Maybe only writing because never having to read it In fact i chose this form in order to avoid audience