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| Thesis Outline | | Thesis Outline |
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| === Question: ===
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| IF WE PLAY DOES THAT MEAN ITS NOT REAL(ITY) ?
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| ==== Description of two previous video works ====
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| THIS IS AND THAT IS AND A BIT OF THIS AND A LOT OF THAT (2018)
| | https://docs.google.com/document/d/1C6X8YZenIIK5B0Zf4JkltWcAOHkorh084CaNTCBJuIM/edit?usp=sharing |
| Is a 10 minutes video in which you see a series of moving portraits of Luca. In every portrait, Luca looks totally different. The video is guided by a narration that speaks an repetitive test always starting with the words: “THIS IS ME…..” The person you see in the image always may look different in every scene but the narrator tells you it's always the same person. The video plays with the versatile aspects of beliefs concerning 'identity', a research into the intriguing differences, the moldability of 'being' and in surge of a kind of essence. We search for authenticity. Yet we want to be accepted, to converse, to belong to one another in risk of losing that very authenticity. The complex game that plays with the urge for acceptance, recognition and the need for authenticity is central to this work.
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| THIS IS THEM (2020)
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| Is a video in which you see Branda and Hilda playing in a room. They play different characters and scenes. Every scene is introduced by the narrator, always starting with the words; “THIS IS THEM…” Branda and Hilda long for a big life worth living but what does that mean a big life? Who influenced them to believe what is worthy? Branda and Hilda have such a grand idea of what life should be like that they are scared to go outside and live beyond their imagination. So they stay and try to create a vibrant life right there in that room. The question that this work raises is if staying in your room and creating words with your imagination is less of a real life compared to going outside into the world full of people where you can not control all that is happening.
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| ==== Intention for a new piece ====
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| Something that fascinates me is how we as humans seek to connect with others and therefore ourselves - what we will do to experience connection and what kind of connection we allow. I think we often try to be "something" so we can belong to a certain group or movement in order to experience contact. This is how we create our story and our identity …
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| In my work, the central focus is on people and their search for identity. Who are we? Where do we belong? How malleable is our identity? Why do we want confirmation from others? I try to show that people never know or possess one identity. Our identity consists of many layers and different "characters" that we discover and alternate in a playful way, in order to create our own story.
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| I am intrigued by group dynamics: which role/identity someone takes within a group, but also that groups create their identity by opposing other people and groups. People are often looking for confirmation, but this search may lead to alienation, isolation and the feeling of "not being alive".
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| These elements (identity and group dynamics) are in line with my fascination for people who constantly present themselves to the outside world. How do we want other people to see us? How do we want to see ourselves? I do not find this self-conscious urge for presentation to be exclusively negative: I think that the human being is a playful being at its core and that the different ways of presenting yourself to the outside world are in line with our urge to play. By self-presentation, people can playfully create an identity and reality with which he / she can approach and avoid the world. I believe playing is both a flight and a search for genuine contact with ourselves and the other. With the making of a new video called THIS IS US I want to further investigate how a small group of people surge for how they are individually and as one.
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| THIS IS US (2021)
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| In THIS IS US we see a group of three people in five different scenes. Every scene shows how the group wants to be identified as a whole. “ I belong therefore I am ”. The style of the video is characterized by the four performers, wearing distinct coherent costumes in a minimal scenographic setting. THIS IS US has a non linear dramaturgie, and can be seen as a collage of moments.
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| In this film I'm applying the same restrictions to investigate playing but this time going further by questioning how identity is constructed within a group context. I believe this work can build on the previous works, and has an opportunity to show how people change their identity for the sake of belonging to the other. What role/identity does someone take within a group, and how fast can this role change? This work can also make a new step in showing how groups create their identity by opposing other people and groups. Next to that I wish to make THIS IS US to further discover a (for me) form of dramaturgy. That means I want to look for a dramaturgy that offers me the ideal combination of abstract images and a narrative form. The video works that I have made so far are formalistic and visual, and I have a longing to add a narrative layer to it. I am fascinated by narrative structures that are non-linear and are not based on the direct action of a character, but on his or her psychological inner world. After all, the complicated inner world of man is not linear, but fragmented and contradictory. I want to deepen this by investigating the narrative structures of Roy Anderson and diving into the work of Federico Fellini. In the case of Anderson, because his story structure is characterized by a fragmentary approach and Fellini because he masterfully captured both reality and fantasy in his film language. In this way I would like to investigate the following question: in what way (technically and substantively) do Fellini's absurdist scenes enter into a dialogue with the realistic scenes? This can help me with my own video language, as I want to alternate realism and absurdism without the works losing their sense of unity. With the making of THIS IS US, I wish to develop a narrative structure that combines the concrete with artistic freedom, accessibility with innovation and intelligence with emotion. Because how do you create a story that is as clear as possible, while creating a lot of artistic freedom on a visual level? How do you ensure that the viewer does not experience an "anything goes" feeling? That the artistry of the video actually reinforces rather than hinders the story? Where do the suspension of disbelief and artistic wonder meet? I now imagine THIS IS US to have a dramaturgy in which tableaux vivants show the inner emotional world of the characters, in combination with realistic situations. In that sense, the video will play with the dividing line between realism and fantasy, the real world and the playing world, and between story in language and story in images.
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| ==== What do i what the thesis to do? ====
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| In the first video, I made THIS IS AND THAT IS AND A BIT OF THIS AND A LOT OF THAT It started with one person's alternating characters. This person is limited in playing with one's identity, one body. One person could be anybody/everybody. When you present yourself as one, you're the only one deciding what you show or how you believe to be and what you could become.
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| Then in the second video, THIS IS THEM there are two people playing. I noticed that the definition of how they were was an immediate rejection to the other and relayed on the other. Unlike in the first video they could not be everybody they were always somebody else opposite earth other. That means that defining their identities was always in relation to the other.
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| The thesis should become an artistic piece that functions as a script. This script moves throw three different chapters:
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| Solo *
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| Duo **
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| Trio ***
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| With every chapter, I want to look at the different ways of identifying a self in relation to:
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| oneself, the other, and the others. Therefore this thesis is a resurge in the different ways of articulating who we are, and how many versions we can be depending on the circumstances. And diving into a new dynamic of three characters I want to investigate what kind of dynamics are new and not existing in the previous constructions.
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| ==== chapters ====
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| ==== 1) solo (I (me-mine) mode of address) ====
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| This is ME solo
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| This is
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| My face
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| My body
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| This is me
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| Me is a somebody with a body
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| A someone
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| One being
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| Is me
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| this is me being
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| this is me being be yond
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| this is me trying to be
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| This is me being nothing
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| this is me being at least something
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| Thinks
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| This is me being thinks
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| This is feeling things
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| Good
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| Bad
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| Strong
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| Soft
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| this is me being me
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| this is me being myself
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| this is me being and i
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| this is me being animalistic
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| this is me being dutch
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| this is me being small
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| this is me being tall
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| this is me being without an audience
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| this is me being trying to be in love
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| this is me being loving and kind
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| this is me being free
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| this is me being present
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| A present something to be raped around and let go off
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| Something to give away
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| This is me given
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| This is me being raped around a curtain
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| This is me being unseen
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| this is me being human
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| this is me being a ‘viswijf’
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| this is me being a cook
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| this is me being
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| this is me being
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| this is me being
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| this is me thinking about children
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| this is me thinking
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| this is me thinking about the rest of my life
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| this is me thinking like the pope
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| this is me thinking forward
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| this is me thinking backward
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| this is me thinking a bit to the side
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| this is me thinking like you
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| this is me thinking about you
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| this is me thinking like no one
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| this is me thinking just after i had no sleep and a party before that were i felt alone and to shy to dance and to dom to talk and small for the adult, to tall for the kids
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| this is me thinking like barbie
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| this is me thinking like ken
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| this is me thinking like obama
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| this is me thinking money
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| this is me thinking like marina
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| abramovic
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| otero verzier
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| sirtis
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| this is me thinking like an adult taking responsibility
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| this is me thinking i can not even take care of myself
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| this is me thinking like liking a ice cream but not knowing which taste I shall take
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| this is me taking
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| this is me giving
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| this is me grieving
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| this is me grieving about …
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| About feeling things
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| this is me grieving with ..
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| It’s me it’s me
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| This
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| Is
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| Me. on. my. way.
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| this is me going out
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| oud of it all,
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| this is me having no energie to talk, no talking to, no one, no talking at all,, all do i mostly like talkinggggg
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| aaaaaa
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| LLLOOOOTTTT
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| lot
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| lots lots of talking
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| this is me talking
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| It’s me at a part
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| this is me at a party confronted with a feeling; the feeling off “im alone allllllllll a. lone.”
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| All one?
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| this is me being funny
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| Is it?
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| lots
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| of
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| it
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| of
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| fun
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| fun,fun,fun
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| this is me having fun
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| this is
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| is it?
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| It’s me at the supermarket trying to remember what i needed
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| this is me getting angry and showing it
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| this is me being angry and hiding it
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| this is me playing hide and seek
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| this is me manly
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| this is me féminin
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| This is me not being man nor woman
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| Simply being i guess
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| I guess?…
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| Guessing that is something new
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| This is me guessing
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| This is me in panic
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| This is me in the water
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| this is me having a problem with my skin and the way i feel in it
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| the way I’m feeling in that skin, it’s not the way i wanna feel within that skin i wanna feel some little softness some little something i wanna feel my skin but this is me not feeling anything
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| this is me realizing I could never be in some one el’s its skin, i will only have this space to life within
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| this is me pretending to be free
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| this is me looking to you
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| for you
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| you without me
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| maybe a …uhhm
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| no i don’t know
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| me not knowing wanting to know it all
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| alll allllllllllll lalallala didadidoedada
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| dod dodadaid dododododo
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| do something go on and do something
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| Things that matter
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| things that are important and have impact
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| one day this face my will have
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| freckles, lines,ways
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| me looking to the future
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| me being the future
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| this is me looking cool
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| me looking full
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| seeing a bird
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| seeing blue
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| a blue color
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| sky?
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| sea?
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| Birthday cake with blue marsepein?
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| water?
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| filthy water
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| Do you still see me?
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| this is
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| Come on look, can you see or hear me?
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| listen
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| this is me listening
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| to my mother's voice telling me stories from the children's bible
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| Listening to a song of a movie that had a strong impact on me
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| listening
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| this is listening
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| to my belly
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| listening at people talking
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| this is me listening at people talking
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| about
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| about
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| there
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| life
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| lifess
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| this is be me believing in today
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| and believing in tomorrow
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| some you some me
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| som som som
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| handsome
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| Do you find this handsome?
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| this is me peaceful
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| full of it all
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| all that jazz
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| and all that
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| Ass
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| All the assholes in the world and mine
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| this is me being a child
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| this is me wanting to have a child
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| this is me getting children
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| this is me having my on mother as a child
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| this is me being mother of all
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| this is me mother of my mother
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| this is me being moddder
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| ‘modder, modder’ it’s a dutch word
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| this is me having no words for the other I always waited for, always wanted
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| to
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| get
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| to know
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| The other
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| always there
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| but now for the first time for the very first time
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| in my life
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| no words for life
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| just ‘modder’
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| this is me building a house
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| looking for a new color
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| this is having a lot, wanting more
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| this is me having no dignity
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| no insanity
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| no reality
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| maybe
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| yes maybe
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| we should all believe
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| believe in me
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| maybe
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| not
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| maybe
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| stop with all the maybes
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| this is me ….maybe
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| maybe..
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| beyond the apple tree there’s another tree
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| and on that tree
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| hangs a apple
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| and in that apple
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| there’s a tunnel
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| it's a long, long tunnel
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| it’s a narrow tunnel
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| you can not walk straid
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| You have to crawl
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| it takes hours, days,takes lifes
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| Infact
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| there’s no ending in the tunnel
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| There is
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| this is and that is
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| and a bit of this and all that
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| There is this with
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| and without
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| This is a moment I feel something is going to happen something big
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| something unexpected
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| this is me in fantasie
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| this is me singing
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| loud
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| soft
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| married
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| unmarried
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| this is me being one with nature
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| this is me being touched by God, but not physically i wouldn't want that, no that would be strange…
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| not being hungry for a while
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| no laughter for a while
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| not feeling like doing anything
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| like doing something
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| things, ooh things
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| this is me in the house of a friend of mine, my friend is not there but i am
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| the friend left the house, left the city left to another place, a place i don’t know
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| this is me in my place
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| this is me in my house
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| this is leaving my house
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| this is not leaving
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| don’t open the curtains
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| a tiny bird
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| no a small one
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| a tinny and
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| This is not saving the world.
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| save me.
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| no.
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| not wanting to be saved.
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| This is living until the end of my life.
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| This is being afraid of traffic.
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| truth.
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| lies.
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| losing my parents
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| this is dancing in the park
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| this is being touched by a letter
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| me writing a letter to you
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| this is me touched by a letter i wrote to myself
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| me writing a letter to you
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| the
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| un
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| known
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| you.
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| writing little letters lots of words
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| I do not think you notice how much effort i put in this
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| this is not liking the heat of the sun
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| this is believing my life will be more meaningful when i win that golden bracelet with stars on-top
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| this is being the fat lady who sings when it’s all over
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| this is me unable to enjoy sexual pleasures
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| this is making a spectacle of myself
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| this is not understanding everything so i can not make you understand so that means that you can not make a other understand so then maybe no one will ever understand
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| this is not knowing
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| not knowing how to tell my parents i forgot them
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| this is not knowing what is expected from me
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| this is not being expected
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| this is me wanting to feel something
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| big feelings
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| trying to hear almost nonexistent sounds
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| This is me starting crying over nothing
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| It's me! it's me!
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| This.
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| Is.
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| me.
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| This is me talking to my sister about what I think is good about her and what things she can work on.
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| this is me talking to myself
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| this is me talking on the phone to someone i hope i can call a friend
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| this is me thinking
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| this is me thinking about thinking
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| this is me thinking about the rest of my life
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| this is me at the party, I was really looking forward to this party. A lot of cool people would have been here if it wasn't for the rain, I could just go home… no i just arrived, maybe try to talk to some people, people i don’t know
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| Yet
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| you don’t know jet
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| go on
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| be surprised
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| Come on, go for it, meet new people, maybe go home with a smile on your face, you never know until you try yyy.
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| trying
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| this is trying
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| gggggggggggggggggiving this moment a try
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| this is me in panic
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| this is me looking for you looking for me
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| trying
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| I always was i’ll always be
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| trying to be
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| before there was
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| before there will be
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| some you some me
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| sommee
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| this is hoping
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| I hope
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| I hope life is good to all you
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| hope life is good to you
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| hope you love
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| hope you grieve in order to relief
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| hope it didn’t mind what i did or do or am going to
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| hope this was not all about me
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| hope also a bit about you
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| this is
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| it’ s my face
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| it is in the beginning and the end
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| ==== 2) duet (we [us -they- their's] mode of address) ====
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| ==== 3) trio (we+ [us -they- their's] mode of address) ====
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| ==== Timeline ====
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| DEC
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| this is
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|
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| this is them
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| intention of new work THIS IS US
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| What do I what the thesis to do
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| JAN
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| 1) solo (I (me-mine) mode of address)
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| 2) duet (we [us -they- their's] mode of address)
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| 3) trio (we+ [us -they- their's] mode of address)
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| FEB
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| First Draft
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| MAR
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| Second Draft + physical layout
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| APRIL
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| DEADLINE
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| ==== Bibliography ====
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| Brainard, J. (2001). I remember. Granary Books;Distributed to the trade by D.A.P.
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| Huizinga, J. (1970). Homo Ludens: A study of the play element in culture. London: Maurice Temple Smith Ltd.
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| Maalouf, A. (2001). In the name of identity: Violence and the need to belong. New York: Arcade. b. Photography and artworks
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| Porter, C (2020). What Artist wear.Penguin.England.
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| Versluis, A and Uyttenbroek, E. (2002-2021). Exactitudes. Holland.
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