Kamali/outline2

Camera

Finding a way back into my own work.

A lot of the time my work is about observing. Having a family that lives far away from me is one of the main subjects I deal with in my work.

The physical distance between them and me is something I draw much inspiration from. I find it very poetic in many ways, especially in times we’re living in now. (Technology enabling us to be closer than ever)

I look at them, I write them and I read their emails on a screen. I dream of them and I visit them in my mind. Sometimes it’s a bit difficult for me to put into words. It feels like I can be in two places at once and at the same time find myself not being present anywhere.

In the projects I’ve made, my role is quite passive. (For example, I made a film in which I look at small excerpts of video my dad sent me via WhatsApp. The screen is split into two or three moving images. One could be of a video that my dad sent me, the other would then be an image of me looking at that video on my phone.)

The spy cam was a way for me to take a more active role. I hadn’t made an image for quite some time. I went outside with my suitcase, with a camera hidden inside. Being distant, but physically present. There doesn’t have to be an ocean between people for them still to be distant and for me to observe and spy on them. This was a fun way of working out and rethinking an essential element in my work.

Although I haven’t worked this out to be more of a visual experiment, I was still challenged by it.

Photo Book

One thing isn't the other, but maybe it can be.

I’m interested in photography and moving image. I’m also interested in the boundaries between them. Coming from a major in photography, I graduated with a film. Somewhere along the lines I lost my interest in story telling through photography. I still love making photographs but moving image enables me to record something that lasts longer than a moment; thus giving me the sense of being more in control about what I want to show and how this will unfold.

I’ve had the idea of making a book out of a video/movie in my head for quite some time, so this assignment was ideal to make an experiment out of it. I made a little book out of one second of a video I had on my phone. In the video there’s a blue sky. There are little black dots flying around. (Mosquitos) I used semi transparent paper and I tried a couple of things out with this material. By making a gradient it became more visible that the paper was semi transparent. I also wrote a short text about visiting my family in Curacao. Sometimes I think of myself as merely a visitor, which bares an abstract resemblance to mosquitos flying around and visiting people where and when they can.

Visitors text:

I get welcome kisses from my family and from the mosquitos

I hope the dog still remembers me

When I wake up the next morning I won't know where I am

I do not put on any shoes

It's 7 am, the tiles in the garden won't be too hot to step on yet

Sunrise is my favorite but sunset will also do

Soon my jetlag will be gone and I will not be able to get up so early

And I'll have to put on some shoes

I hope the dog will remember me

I get goodbye kisses from my family and from the mosquitos

Eye

When I woke up this morning, I thought time was going backwards

Footage that my grandfather shot combined with a text I wrote.

When visiting my family I found two big boxes of footage my grandfather shot. They’re all 8mm. I had a couple of them digitized and I am still fascinated about them.

I’m still trying to find out for myself what I think what makes them so interesting to work with. My grandfather has a way of filming and looking at things that holds my curiosity. Zooming in, zooming out. A lot is happening because of the small snippets he took. The things he filmed are also very diverse. He visited a centre for blind people and made a small documentation about it (he was an eye surgeon), he also has footage of him performing surgery. On one of those same rolls of film he filmed my grandmother holding a parrot in her arms. The switch between those two worlds is very surreal at times. Something as gruesome as peering a scalpel in an eye alternated with loving images of his family. My dad once told me that when they used to look at their vacation photos via the projector, sometimes an image of an eye would pop up; or an image of a child with strabismus. (He was specialised in operating on children who had strabismus)

Working with images that I do not partake any role in is, at this point, an obvious recurring thing. With my own writings I am trying to make something happen that has not happened yet.

https://vimeo.com/user59220710/review/399005138/97850bd86c (password: eye) (quality not so good good)

Self-Directed Research

I’ve been reading feminist literature. As a female filmmaker I think it’s important to be aware about what it means to be female in the industry. It helps me understand the world around me and be a part of dismantling the patriarchy. This part of my research is something I want to have in the back of my mind while making work. My work isn’t about feminism but if you read between the lines there are elements that are relevant. I’m not aware of them in the process but in the outcome I can sometimes point them out. I think this is something I should write more about.

I’ve been reading “My Mother Laughs” by Chantal Akerman and it helps me with my writing. She writes very short sentences, very to the point. About exactly what she feels and what is happening around her. It’s very touching.

After the Eye I think my main interests lay in films and dreams, found footage, narratives + story telling. For each of these topics my approach to them will differ. For example:

I want to do more background research about what it means to work with found footage and how it has been done before. This will help me talk about my work in a more informed way. In this way I will also be more aware of how I distinguish myself from others.

I’d like to make a sort of web of research, with different things that matter and interest me. Some of them would be more important than others but they all come together at some point.

Books I have (read or not read yet)

All About Love – Bell Hooks

Your Silence Will Not Protect You – Audre Lorde

Living a Feminist Life – Sara Ahmed

My Mother Laughs – Chantal Akerman

Another Gaze, A Feminist Film Journal

Recommendations I have gotten:

Rashomon

Films by Bill Morrison

Angela Carter – Company of wolves (reading)

Vladimir Propp – Mythology of the folktale

What do I want to do next

What

I’m going to make a film. What this film will be precisely about I don’t know yet. The starting point will be my grandfather’s footage and a research about films and dreams.

How

I’m going to analyse his films. I made a document in which I describe what I’m seeing. I don’t know yet if I’ll tie any logic onto what kind of order I’m following. By writing down what I’m seeing, I also trigger myself into writing down what I’m thinking and usually this leads to asking myself a lot questions.

Why

I think analysing his films will make me understand better what it is I’m drawn to. For now, I see it as a way to still be close to him and my family through something that interests me the most: images.