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Thesis Outline  
Thesis Outline  


=== Question: ===
In drive document:
IF WE PLAY DOES THAT MEAN ITS NOT REAL(ITY) ?
==== Description of two previous video works ====


THIS IS AND THAT IS AND A BIT OF THIS AND A LOT OF THAT (2018)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1C6X8YZenIIK5B0Zf4JkltWcAOHkorh084CaNTCBJuIM/edit?usp=sharing
Is a 10 minutes video in which you see a series of moving portraits of Luca. In every portrait, Luca looks totally different. The video is guided by a narration that speaks an repetitive test always starting with the words: “THIS IS ME…..” The person you see in the image always may look different in every scene but the narrator tells you it's always the same person. The video plays with the versatile aspects of beliefs concerning 'identity', a research into the intriguing differences, the moldability of 'being' and in surge of a kind of essence. We search for authenticity. Yet we want to be accepted, to converse, to belong to one another in risk of losing that very authenticity. The complex game that plays with the urge for acceptance, recognition and the need for authenticity is central to this work.
 
THIS IS THEM (2020)
Is a video in which you see Branda and Hilda playing in a room. They play different characters and scenes. Every scene is introduced by the narrator, always starting with the words; “THIS IS THEM…” Branda and Hilda long for a big life worth living but what does that mean a big life? Who influenced them to believe what is worthy? Branda and Hilda have such a grand idea of what life should be like that they are scared to go outside and live beyond their imagination. So they stay and try to create a vibrant life right there in that room. The question that this work raises is if staying in your room and creating words with your imagination is less of a real life compared to going outside into the world full of people where you can not control all that is happening.
 
 
==== Intention for a new piece ====
 
Something that fascinates me is how we as humans seek to connect with others and therefore ourselves - what we will do to experience connection and what kind of connection we allow. I think we often try to be "something" so we can belong to a certain group or movement in order to experience contact. This is how we create our story and our identity …
In my work, the central focus is on people and their search for identity. Who are we? Where do we belong? How malleable is our identity? Why do we want confirmation from others? I try to show that people never know or possess one identity. Our identity consists of many layers and different "characters" that we discover and alternate in a playful way, in order to create our own story.
I am intrigued by group dynamics: which role/identity someone takes within a group, but also that groups create their identity by opposing other people and groups. People are often looking for confirmation, but this search may lead to alienation, isolation and the feeling of "not being alive".
These elements (identity and group dynamics) are in line with my fascination for people who constantly present themselves to the outside world. How do we want other people to see us? How do we want to see ourselves? I do not find this self-conscious urge for presentation to be exclusively negative: I think that the human being is a playful being at its core and that the different ways of presenting yourself to the outside world are in line with our urge to play. By self-presentation, people can playfully create an identity and reality with which he / she can approach and avoid the world. I believe playing is both a flight and a search for genuine contact with ourselves and the other. With the making of a new video called THIS IS US I want to further investigate how a small group of people surge for how they are individually and as one.
 
 
 
THIS IS US  (2021)
In THIS IS US we see a group of three people in five different scenes. Every scene shows how the group wants to be identified as a whole. “ I belong therefore I am ”. The style of the video is characterized by the four performers, wearing distinct coherent costumes in a minimal scenographic setting. THIS IS US has a non linear dramaturgie, and can be seen as a collage of moments.
In this film I'm applying the same restrictions to investigate playing but this time going further by questioning how identity is constructed within a group context. I believe this work can build on the previous works, and has an opportunity to show how people change their identity for the sake of belonging to the other. What role/identity does someone take within a group, and how fast can this role change? This work can also make a new step in showing how groups create their identity by opposing other people and groups. Next to that I wish to make THIS IS US to further discover a (for me) form of dramaturgy. That means I want to look for a dramaturgy that offers me the ideal combination of abstract images and a narrative form. The video works that I have made so far are formalistic and visual, and I have a longing to add a narrative layer to it. I am fascinated by narrative structures that are non-linear and are not based on the direct action of a character, but on his or her psychological inner world. After all, the complicated inner world of man is not linear, but fragmented and contradictory. I want to deepen this by investigating the narrative structures of Roy Anderson and diving into the work of Federico Fellini. In the case of Anderson, because his story structure is characterized by a fragmentary approach and Fellini because he masterfully captured both reality and fantasy in his film language. In this way I would like to investigate the following question: in what way (technically and substantively) do Fellini's absurdist scenes enter into a dialogue with the realistic scenes? This can help me with my own video language, as I want to alternate realism and absurdism without the works losing their sense of unity. With the making of THIS IS US, I wish to develop a narrative structure that combines the concrete with artistic freedom, accessibility with innovation and intelligence with emotion. Because how do you create a story that is as clear as possible, while creating a lot of artistic freedom on a visual level? How do you ensure that the viewer does not experience an "anything goes" feeling? That the artistry of the video actually reinforces rather than hinders the story? Where do the suspension of disbelief and artistic wonder meet? I now imagine THIS IS US to have a dramaturgy in which tableaux vivants show the inner emotional world of the characters, in combination with realistic situations. In that sense, the video will play with the dividing line between realism and fantasy, the real world and the playing world, and between story in language and story in images.
 
 
==== What do i what the thesis to do? ====
 
In the first video, I made THIS IS AND THAT IS AND A BIT OF THIS AND A LOT OF THAT  It started with one person's alternating characters. This person is limited in playing with one's identity, one body. One person could be anybody/everybody. When you present yourself as one, you're the only one deciding what you show or how you believe to be and what you could become.
Then in the second video, THIS IS THEM there are two people playing. I noticed that the definition of how they were was an immediate rejection to the other and relayed on the other. Unlike in the first video they could not be everybody they were always somebody else opposite earth other. That means that defining their identities was always in relation to the other.
The thesis should become an artistic piece that functions as a script. This script moves throw three different chapters:
 
Solo *
 
Duo **
 
Trio ***
 
With every chapter, I want to look at the different ways of identifying a self in relation to:
oneself, the other, and the others. Therefore this thesis is a resurge in the different ways of articulating who we are, and how many versions we can be depending on the circumstances. And diving into a new dynamic of three characters I want to investigate what kind of dynamics are new and not existing in the previous constructions.
 
 
 
== chapters ====
 
==== 1) solo (I (me-mine) mode of address) ====
 
==== 2) duet (we [us -they- their's] mode of address) ====
This is THEM duo
 
 
In a world full of worlds,
there is this little place which is a town,
and in that town are many long streets, small trees and 33 big houses.
Every house looks exactly the same … well actually there is one, just one house that doesn’t look exactly like the others..
It’s that house on the corner to the park
It has a lot of windows and is very colorful.
it’s ..sss ehhm... well, ehm, yellow and green, and has some touches of pink here and there.
And in  that. bright. yellow, green, a little bit of pink  house are many rooms and many doors
Ohh… so many
I mean if I wouldn’t have known the place, I would totally get lost.
On the second floor, there is a long, long hallway and at the end of that long, long hallway there are two doors.
Do you see that one on the left?
That’s the door to Hilda’s room
And in that room Hilda spends her time with her dear friend Branda
Let me introduce them shortly;
Hilda is a young energetic, but shy girl. She loves collecting feathers and has a complex relationship with her mother, who also had a complex relationship with her own mother, so maybe there is some connection there. Well anyway...  Hilda has one very, very, very very, very close friend. It’s Branda, she’s also shy. But… unlike Hilda she likes telling secrets to strangers. Branda doesn’t collect things, nooo…  she is a minimalist.
And her parents are never around,.So it's hard to build some kind of, or any kind of relationship.
This is them,
Branda is wearing her favorite blue sweater, while clipping Hilda’s
nails, which are way overdue.
There is one thing Hilda and Branda both deeply love,
is playing, yes playing.
In this room Hilda and Branda spend hours, weeks, years creating worlds, playing people, day in day out they play, play, play.  I’m not even sure if they ever left the place.
This isss themmmmmmmmmm
in class
This is them being parents
Being my parents
Telling a big big secret
This is receiving a letter
This is them introducing a self
 
HILDA:
hello you
 
 
BRANDA:
hallo jij
 
 
HILDA:
we or me
 
 
BRANDA:
wij of mij
 
 
HILDA:
they call me she
 
 
BRANDA:
ze noemen me zij
 
 
HILDA:
my sister calls me sissy
 
 
BRANDA:
mijn zus noemt me zusje
 
 
HILDA:
have a brother calls me sis
 
 
BRANDA:
heb een broer noemt me zus
 
 
HILDA:
or maybe lady,
 
BRANDA:
of misschien dame
 
HILDA:
A young lady.
 
 
BRANDA:
een jonge dame
 
 
HILDA:
the delivery guy calls me a little chickie.
 
 
BRANDA:
the delivery guy calls you a little chickie
 
 
HILDA:
my mother calls me young girl.
 
BRANDA:
Mijn moeder noemt me klein meisje
 
HILDA:
I have a friend, she calls me baby
 
BRANDA:
Ik heb een vriend, ze noemt me baby
 
HILDA:
boys should call me like that
 
BRANDA:
jongens zouden me zo moeten noemen
 
HILDA:
call me there baby
 
BRANDA:
call me there baby
 
HILDA:
but my mother calls me baby as well
 
BRANDA:
maar men moeder noemt me ook baby
 
HILDA:
only when were in Italy.
 
BRANDA:
alleen als we in Italië zijn
 
HILDA:
when I’m no good she calls me darling
 
BRANDA:
little darling
 
HILDA:
little darling
 
BRANDA:
I call me, “me” whatever that may be or become
 
HILDA:
I don’t believe in the word being
 
 
BRANDA:
Why?
 
HILDA:
I like poetic words
 
BRANDA:
Being is very poetic.
 
HILDA:
No , not at all, being is an idea.
 
BRANDA:
being is a verb, Present continuous
I am being
you are being
he/she/it is being
we are being
you are being
they are being
Present perfect
I have been
you have been
he/she/it has been
we have been
you have been
they have been
Future
I will be
you will be
he/she/it will be
we will be
you will be
they will be
Future perfect
I will have been…….
 
This is them being attacked, but kinda liking it
This is them waiting for a bus
Trying the unknown
Trying, Trying  a..new…look?
This is them somewhere in a French cafe drinking strong  coffee smoking ciggies  and thinking ooh thinking
HILDA:
I move my face slightly to the right
I blink my eyes three times, I swallow,
I think, I think,
and what of all that I’ve decided to do myself?
for all i know i've not been the one making the decision to start breathing, it just happened.
BRANDA:
All things just happen, we don't decide. I didn’t decide who I am,  and it has not been decided for me
it's decided along the way ...
HILDA:
So are we not responsible for our actions?
BRANDA:
OO I think we are, but we tend to forget about that part.
This is them knowing what tomorrow will look like
 
HILDA:
Lately I have been thinking, do you  know why God created the world the way he did? I mean so complicated, Because i’ve been thinking about it, and it just get more and more puzzled
if there is a divine plan it sure doesn’t look very divine, or plant like. It looks kinda like a mess. That's just how I feel. like i don’t know anything, it’s really scary
 
 
BRANDA:
I know what you mean I don’t even know the smallest things like the name of the prime minister, I don’t know why the sky is blue?
 
HILDA:
I don’t know what blue is,
 
BRANDA:
I don’t know why i don’t know
 
HILDA:
I don’t know what my dad does at work
 
BRANDA:
I don’t know how many different types of insects there are , can’t even remember if a spider has 6 or 8 legs.
 
HILDA:
I don’t know the difference between good art and bad art. I have no clue what a hostile takeover is, nor why junk bonds are junky, I mean why would anybody want them if they’re worthless? it doesn’t make any sense.
 
BRANDA:
I don’t know nothing about politics, I don’t know why carbs are bad for you, I don't know how to spell carbon monoxide nor the meaning. I don’t know what the recipe for a good apple crumble is.
 
 
HILDA:
I don’t know how to play the piano, I don’t know how to speak french, I don’t know how to make love, I do know how to make a scrambled egg , I know I like glitter, I know I like money, I know I like to party, I know I like to cry, I know I like to be seen.
 
BRANDA:
I know how stubborn i can be, I know I’m a vegetarian, i know I’m feminine , I know I’m a daughter, I know I’m short I know I’m technically not the smartest person, I know I can smile, I know I want to be successful
 
HILDA:
own a lot of books
 
BRANDA:
read them
 
HILDA:
books about
 
BRANDA:
the world
 
HILDA:
society
 
BRANDA:
Books
 
HILDA:
About
 
BRANDA:
About
 
HILDA:
about people
 
BRANDA:
about me
 
HILDA:
I want to read a book about me
 
BRANDA:
write it
 
HILDA:
write it with my
 
BRANDA:
Secrets
 
HILDA:
my deepest fears
 
BRANDA:
I want people to know me
 
HILDA:
like Nietzsche
 
BRANDA:
like Christina
 
HILDA:
Aguilera
 
BRANDA:
and
 
HILDA:
make movies
 
BRANDA:
Direct them
 
HILDA:
play them
 
BRANDA:
show them
 
HILDA:
I want to make movies about love
 
BRANDA:
About
 
HILDA:
Good
 
BRANDA:
Stuff
 
HILDA:
you see
 
BRANDA:
I see
 
HILDA:
you see we need to have
 
BRANDA:
a purpose
 
HILDA:
a desire
 
 
BRANDA:
a fulfilling
 
HILDA:
dream
This is Hilda showing brand her costume
This is Hilda being proud of her new costume
This is seeking for a strong opinion
This is Branda telling Hilda it’s important to make something of their lives, something that will last forever.
BRANDA:
It's important that we make something of our lives. Become something unexpected. we should go out there. do things, I mean big things. thinks that will last forever. 
This is them having cake
BRANDA:
O god you’re never going to believe what I’ve heard
HILDA: 
Go on..
BRANDA: 
You know Brenda and Hilda right?
HILDA: 
hmm kinda…
BRANDA: 
Well they have decided to no longer live in the shadows, in that room of theirs. And want to become something worth living...
HILDA:
like what???
BRANDA: 
YYYEEAHHHA This is the best part ,,,, they want to become…. clowns
HILDA: 
What?? Like a clown duo??! Are you joking?
BRANDA: 
Well I hope they have some jokes because for all I know being a clown, it’s a tough business
HILDA:
My god I can’t wait to tell the girls on Tuesday
BRANDA: 
I know right, so crazy
HILDA: 
I always thought they were strange
BRANDA: 
Oh god George is coming this way, act like we're having fun
This is them looking for some fresh air
This is them in a forest. Ooh ehm no its,  its them at the swimming pool
That’s playing football
Staying close to the wall
Being the one unwanted
At the audition
This is them at the audition
HILDA:
Soo, thanks for coming, is this your first time auditioning?
BRANDA:
Yes, well no, well, I had some small roles here and there. But I really want to become serious with acting. It's my dream.
HILDA:
Great!  How would you describe yourself?  As a modern female actress?
BRANDA:
Uhm ..
HILDA:
No worries, you’re young, and beautiful, (you have) the keys to the kingdom.
HILDA:
Now show me your emotions, please
HILDA:
Surprised
Afraid
Wondering
Wondering about your name
Angry
Happy with a touch of suspicion
In love
Mmm no wait I don't seem to believe that you're in love, please try that one again
HILDA:
No something different…
Uhhmm give it some sadness maybe that will work
Andddd now go to mad
More….moo…ore
Happy
OK thanks, now let’s do some dialogue from the scene at the swimming pool, OK?  We’ll start from… .page 7
Oh and move a little bit closer to the wall please,  mmm… yeah… eehm… but more yeah OK.  Whenever you’re ready.
BRANDA:
I don't feel like playing football: there's a lot of water around here,  I don’t think it's very safe
HILDA:
Ooh… please come on…, all the cool kids finally want to play with us, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity
BRANDA:
I don't know, I’m not even …  I’m not even
HILDA:
…good at football?
BRANDA:
I’m not even good at football
HILDA:
OK!  Great, that was the scene. Thank you very much, we’ll send your tap to the director and give you a call, OK?
BRANDA:
Oh OK
This is knowing small things matter
This is them trying to be complete
This is them
HILDA:
“what happened?
BRANDA:
..don't know”
This is getting ready for granny
This is them taking a break 
Having a small break
This is them wandering around 
This is them looking for a wonder 
Getting a phone call …….
Oh no  just missed it.
Getting ready for  success
BRANDA: 
In the interview you gave to Time magazine you were very open about your childhood, especially
about that room in which you spent hours.  Can you tell us, what was your experience in this room? 
HILDA:
Well emmmm
You know, I remember when I was 5,6, 7, 8 years old and I was very, very happy. Because I lived in dream…..s .
I liked my own world. I created it myself and it was very, very peaceful. In that room I was far away from everything.
But you know, at a certain point I didn't know if I dreamed things or if they really existed.
And that, well yeah became very difficult for me
and then my parents of-course…
BRANDA:
Well, what about them?
HILDA:
well they told me
“waarom heb je dat gedaan?”
why did you do that
or or “je hebt gelogen.” you lied!
That was very painful. Because for me it was real you know, I mixed things.
BRANDA:
It was at this point that you went off to pursue your big dream to become a clown? How did your parents deal with that?
HILDA:
Oo Gosh hmm
HILDA:
Well...I remember,  I went away from home, to, you know, work on my career. And I didn’t see them for a while but I started to miss them. So I went back ..home. Only the parents weren't parents…..they were just… people. 
BRANDA:
I don't agree .. .
Ooh This is Branda going off script….
BRANDA:
That was your experience. But mine was different. They were there, but they were children..  and I was the parent.
This is being the kind of parent that tries to make a difference
HILDA:
Ooh my dear, you wish for so many things but you really don't get any of them do you? because the world has a wish on its own. All you may do, really, is stand by and look at what remains...
This is hilda feeling nauseous and brandy feeling a bit lost
This is them knowing better
This is getting better
feeling terribly sorry
HILDA:
“because the world has a wish on its one”
This is them dancing in the middle of a field of flowers with a breeze of wind
 
This is them wondering
 
BRANDA:
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really named …., and that freaks me out, because if I am not, then who am i?  And if I don't have a real name, what am i?
 
HILDA:
Maybe i don’t exist and this is some kind of a cruel joke My family is playing on me but  I don’t know if there capable of such a thing,
 
BRANDA:
I think they're all faking it, particularly our parents, our social betters, people in positions of authority.
 
HILDA:
even in the middle of the night, when we are all asleep.  I had a dream last night
 
BRANDA:
a dream
HILDA:
I dreamed I had a baby
 
BRANDA:
a baby? ..the mystery of babies.
HILDA:
the mystery of babies.
 
BRANDA:
of having babies
HILDA:
the mystery of a baby
 
BRANDA:
of having
HILDA:
of wanting
 
BRANDA:
of wanting to have
HILDA:
a baby
 
BRANDA:
the mystery of wanting to have a baby
HILDA:
a tiny
 
BRANDA:
dependent
HILDA:
a very tiny
 
BRANDA:
very dependent
HILDA:
Iddy biddy
 
BRANDA:
widdoo widdoo
HILDA:
baby.
 
BRANDA:
the mystery
HILDA:
of wanting to have one
 
BRANDA:
of wanting to own one
HILDA:
of wanting to have one’s own
 
BRANDA:
baby.
HILDA:
I want to have a baby
 
BRANDA:
why?
HILDA:
I want to hold t in my arms
 
BRANDA:
here hold mine.
HILDA:
I want to have one, one baby
 
BRANDA:
here have this one. This extra one
HILDA:
No, I want to have my own.
 
BRANDA:
why?
HILDA:
To be like me.
 
BRANDA:
To look like you?
 
HILDA:
Yes, yes, I want a baby.
 
BRANDA:
To look like you
HILDA:
Yes, yes, I want to look
 
BRANDA:
at that baby
HILDA:
and see
 
BRANDA:
yourself
HILDA:
Yes, and my mother
 
BRANDA:
Father.
HILDA:
Yes, yes Yes I want my baby to be
 
BRANDA:
Your history
HILDA:
Oooh, my history yes
 
BRANDA:
your history and
HILDA:
Yes my history and
 
BRANDA:
Your legacy
HILDA:
Yes, my legacy, my history and my legacy
 
BRANDA:
Okay, ho dear
HILDA:
whatever you want  Here’s your baby
 
BRANDA: 
My baby??
HILDA:
He’s going to grow up
 
BRANDA: 
Oh, not too fast I hope
HILDA:
to be an artist
 
BRANDA:
Oh my dear
HILDA:
you wish for so many things…
 
BRANDA: 
And you really don’t get any of them, do you?
HILDA:
because the world has a wish of its own…
 
BRANDA:
all you may do, really, is stand by, in a kind of horror, until the world is finished and you can collect whatever remains.
HILDA:
It must be awful to believe that.
 
BRANDA:
Hilda, you revise and revise and revise the thing you want… and what are you left with?
HILDA:
the other things you want, the trick is wanting a lot of things.
 
BRANDA:
What if, maybe, I only think I'm Branda and that in fact I'm Hilda and you’re Branda and that somehow we got it all mixed up, tragically.
 
 
 
 
This is them on the ground
 
 
HILDA:
what happened to us
 
BRANDA:
Nothing
 
HILDA:
Should we do more?
 
BRANDA:
I don't know
 
HILDA:
What do you know?
 
BRANDA:
All I know is I want to go home take off this uniform and leave the show
there will be a thousand performances like this you wouldn’t remember.
 
HILDA:
You think we will be useless and forgotten if we do nothing. if we just lay here?
 
BRANDA:
i don’t know, all i know is we will not
 
HILDA:
what?
 
BRANDA:
we will not just lay here.
 
HILDA:
i see
 
BRANDA:
you're looking?
 
HILDA:
i’m looking
 
BRANDA:
at what?
 
HILDA:
You. i am looking at you
 
BRANDA:
do i fit the description
 
HILDA:
I think you do.
 
 
 
This is waiting , waiting for a ….miracle ?
This is them at the end of a day
HILDA:
Aaaah I’m exhausted
BRANDA:
Yeah i'm broken into a million pieces but it was all worth it
HILDA:
What a night. What a crowd!
BRANDA:
And what a performance!
HILDA:
We were..
BRANDA:
Amazing..
HILDA:
We were!! We were the best thing
BRANDA: 
Ever!
HILDA:
No one will ever accomplish what we just did
BRANDA:
We were outstanding,
HILDA:
Excellent
BRANDA:
Exceptional
HILDA:
Extraordinary
BRANDA:
Sensational?...!!
HILDA: 
Seeennnnn Sssssaationnaaalllll!!
BRANDA:
Ooh and that that part when we
HILDA:
OOOh that parttttttttt!!!
BRANDA:
I never knew
HILDA:
We were capable of such a thing?!!!
BRANDA:
What a night
HILDA:
What a performance
BRANDA:
OOh and did you see that man on the 4th row
HILDA:
OOh yesss
BRANDA:
He was, he was…
HILDA:
He was crying ?
BRANDA:
Yeah crying,
HILDA:
Yeah crying!
BRANDA:
Crying and...
HILDA:
laughing
BRANDA:
Yeahh laughing. Crying and laughing at the same time
HILDA:
And so passionate like as if… as if
BRANDA:
As if he had never cried nor laughed before.
HILDA:
And my god did the audience love us
BRANDA:
They did
HILDA:
They still do
BRANDA:
They always will
 
 
 
 
 
This is them in a world full of worlds
This is them in their little place
This is them at the end of  a long long hallway
Just them, in that colorful house on the corner at the park.
This was a day like any other day
This was it for now.
 
==== 3) trio (we+ [us -they- their's] mode of address) ====
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
== Timeline ====
DEC
 
this is
this is them
 
intention of new work THIS IS US
 
What do I what the thesis to do
 
JAN
 
1) solo (I (me-mine) mode of address)
 
2) duet (we [us -they- their's] mode of address)
 
3) trio (we+ [us -they- their's] mode of address)
 
 
FEB
First Draft
 
MAR
Second Draft  + physical layout
 
APRIL
DEADLINE
 
==== Bibliography ====
 
Brainard, J. (2001). I remember. Granary Books;Distributed to the trade by D.A.P.
 
Huizinga, J. (1970). Homo Ludens: A study of the play element in culture. London: Maurice Temple Smith Ltd.
 
Maalouf, A. (2001). In the name of identity: Violence and the need to belong. New York: Arcade. b. Photography and artworks
 
Porter, C (2020). What Artist wear.Penguin.England.
 
Versluis, A and Uyttenbroek, E. (2002-2021). Exactitudes. Holland.

Latest revision as of 12:55, 9 February 2022

Thesis Outline

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