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| == Thesis Outline ==
| | Thesis Outline |
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| | In drive document: |
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| === Question: ===
| | https://docs.google.com/document/d/1C6X8YZenIIK5B0Zf4JkltWcAOHkorh084CaNTCBJuIM/edit?usp=sharing |
| IF WE PLAY DOES THAT MEAN ITS NOT REAL(ITY) ?
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| ==== Timeline ====
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| NOV
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| Intro
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| What is playing
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| If we play does that mean it's not reality?
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| Playing to belong
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| DEC,JAN
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| THIS IS US
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| FEB
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| First Draft
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| MAR
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| Second Draft + physical layout
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| APRIL
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| DEADLINE
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| ==== Containers ====
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| Intro
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| What is playing
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| If we play does that mean it's not reality?
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| Playing to belong
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| [1500 words]
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| THIS IS US
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| [6000 words]
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| = 7500
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| ==== Bibliography ====
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| In the name of identity violence and the need to belong (Amin Maalouf)
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| Homo Ludens (Johan Huizinga)
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| What Artist wear (Charlie Porter)
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| I Remember (Joe Brainard)
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| Exactitudes (Ari Versluis and stylist Ellie Uyttenbroek)
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| ==== Intro ====
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| When I was young I spent most of my time playing in my room. It was my world, I created myself and it was very peaceful. I played many different characters and they all felt real. One day my niece told me that this playing wouldn't always stay but that it would gradually disappear. I believed her but I just couldn't understand why? The feeling of playing gave me so much joy, it made me discover many different parts of myself and I felt very much a life by doing so. But she was right, I became older and for some reason playing in my room didn't exist anymore. My consciousness became too present, I started thinking it was weird to be ‘pretending’….maybe we call this “growing up”? It was around this time I started theater class. I very much enjoyed it and I made my future plans to become an actress. The next stage was the theater academie. Once I arrived there I started wondering what this playing really was, and why it made me feel so alive. Maybe acting was a grown up version of playing in my room? The simulaire thing to playing in my room and playing on stage was the sensation of letting go of the beliefs around how I am and being different versions gave me a feeling of really being there. It may sound a bit vague, but playing gave me a strong feeling of really being present even though we might categorize it as pretending.
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| ==== What is playing? ====
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| There are many definitions of every word. What definition of playing do I mean
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| ...
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| ==== If we play does that mean it's not reality? ====
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| ==== Playing to belong ====
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| Something that fascinates me is how we as humans seek to connect with others and therefore ourselves - what we will do to experience connection and what kind of connection we allow. I think we often try to be "something" so we can belong to a certain group or movement in order to experience contact. This is how we create our story and our identity …
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| In my work, the central focus is on people and their search for identity. Who are we? Where do we belong? How malleable is our identity? Why do we want confirmation from others? I try to show that people never know or possess one identity (as Amin Maalouf argues in On Identity). Our identity consists of many layers and different "characters" that we discover and alternate in a playful way, in order to create our own story.
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| I am intrigued by group dynamics: which role/identity someone takes within a group, but also that groups create their identity by opposing other people and groups. People are often looking for confirmation, but this search may lead to alienation, isolation and the feeling of "not being alive".
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| These elements (identity and group dynamics) are in line with my fascination for people who constantly present themselves to the outside world. How do we want other people to see us? How do we want to see ourselves? I do not find this self-conscious urge for presentation to be exclusively negative: I think that the human being is a playful being at its core and that the different ways of presenting yourself to the outside world are in line with our urge to play. By self-presentation, people can playfully create an identity and reality with which he / she can approach and avoid the world. I believe playing is both a flight and a search for genuine contact with ourselves and the other.
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| ==== THIS IS US ====
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| This is us
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| This is us
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| Us is a group of body’s
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| Us existentes thought having these bodys
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| Because how is us without a body?
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| A nobody?
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| Exactly us needs a body to be anybody.
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| This us is liking the body
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| Moving within that skin
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| Having a sense of pain within this skin
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| Feeling free within
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| Standing still
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| This is us standing still
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| Standing and looking
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| This is us looking at a dead bird
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| You can almost not see it once was a bird
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| It is totally spliced…
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| But you can still see this birth one had beautiful wings
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| To fly with
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| Yeah to fly with
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| Can us fly?
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| Mmm physically you mean?
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| Yeah
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| I'm not sure
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| This is us
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| Us at the dinner table
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| Us forgetting
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| Us knows many versions of us
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| One of us is partly paralised
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| One of us knows how the world is going to end but can not tell us
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| One of us has very shiny hair
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| One of us has strong nails
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| One of us knows how to look at dead animals without feeling disgusted
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| One of us gets high on smelling its own stinky feet after a long walk in the park
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| One of us knows the alphabet the best
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| Us goes to the gym
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| Us goes to the park
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| Us reads food menus to relax
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| Us like the part after sex
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| Us never liked sex
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| Us doesnt know sex
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| Us knows how it feels to be looked at
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| Us likes when people cry when something is beautiful
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| Us will let you know when you're being a dick
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| Or a pussy
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| Or something undisibible
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| That us getting better in lissing
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| This us wondering if us will be kind to us
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| Them us
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| Those us
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| Usssssing around
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| Us
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| Where does us come from?
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| Us posses many things
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| Us has stuff
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| Ooooh so many stuff
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| A nice swedish sofa
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| Us possesis many colors
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| Us can be
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| blue
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| Shiny pink
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| Soft ice White
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| Strong Black
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| Creamy Beige
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| Fresh Yellow
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| Smelly Green
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| Soft Orange
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| Intense Red
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| Us never know just one color
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| Us changes constantly
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| Any moment and voila something new
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| Us don't notice it it self
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| Nooo us often thinks its one color
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| Us is gooooood in thinking
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| And because us is good in it
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| Us tents to do it a lot
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| But it also makes us forget about all the other things us can do
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| Like feeling
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| This is us feeling terribly sorry for what us said in the train to that stranger that just wanted to have a small conversation
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| This makes us feel happy because the sun is shining, us doesn't want to admit that the weather has a big influence on how us feels.
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| Us
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| Us loves to talk about us
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| Us loves to wonder about us
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| Us doesn't know how us is
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| but us wonders and surges for how it can be
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| Even do us is always looking for a definition of us
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| Us will never possess one
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| Us is free to be all of us
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| Us is in costand surge of defining us
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| Us knows many definitions of us but has never come to possess just one definition
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| So us keeps on surging for THE definition
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| This is us talking
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| Us is good in talking
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| Us talks a lot
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| About
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| About what us did or is about to do
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| Us talks about how it has lots of friends and has difficulty finding time for all of them
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| Us talks about what its good at
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| Us finds it hard to talk about what it's not good at
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| Us takes things personal
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| And when us does
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| Its finds talking about whats us just took personal difficult to talk about
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| Maybe when us feels personally attract it doesn't talk but it screams
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| Oeeehh screaming
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| Jes maybe us can scream really loud
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| Us wonders what us needs to not feel attract
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| Us often blames the other
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| The other doesn't understand
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| The other is a problem
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| The other made it difficult to feel good
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| how is the other?
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| ==
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| Us knows how us is but us does not know what us means
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| Us can be with four people
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| But us can also be all people
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| Us people destroying the world
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| Are we?
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| Ohhh lets not go into that topic
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| Why not?
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| Because this play is only going to be 10 minutes
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| How do you know
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| Im making it
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| Right oke right
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| But how is the maker of the video?
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| Right...
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| ?
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| Right…???!!
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| I mean us is in the play so all of us made this play
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| So where talking about auteursrecht right now
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| Yeah like is it only you how decides how us is
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| No we all decide how us can be
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| Us can be all
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| Yeah but that's too abstract like
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| We could make a play of just 1 minute hi dear viewer this is us
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| Us is all
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| Pfff very pretentious
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| We totally lost the scene
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| You're right let's go back to the script
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| This is us at gym class
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| Us doesn't notice
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| Us trying to play
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| Us not knowing the rules
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| This is us trying to understand the other
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| This is us giving up
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| This is us showing something precious
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| This should be us
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| This could be us
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| Us is something soft
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| Something kind
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| Something unnest
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| Us at the gallery
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| Us walked towards a big orange circle on the floor
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| The gide stops and tells the group about the work
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| Sooo yeah here we are at one of my favorite works, in this work the artist is talking about how a color can refer to certain emotions and in this one it's about freedom
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| Us knowing how to save the world
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| Us
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| Us know how its feels to be left alone after...
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| Us is a theater group
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| Us moving
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| Us playing
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| Us praying
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| One of us is polite and knows how to come into a room
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| by presenting it self, one other of us, the one with the pink shirt on the right standing crossed legged
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| For some reason feels the need to translate her introduction;
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| L hello you
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| A hallo jij
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| L we or me
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| A wij of mij
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| L they call me she
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| A ze noemen me zij
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| L my sister calls me sissy
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| A mijn zus noemt me zusje
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| L have a brother calls me sis
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| A heb een broer noemt me zus
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| L or maybe lady,
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| A of misschien dame
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| L A young lady.
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| A een jonge dame
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| L the delivery guy calls me a little chickie.
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| A the delivery guy calls you a little chickie
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| L my mother calls me young girl.
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| A Mijn moeder noemt me klein meisje
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| L I have a friend, she calls me baby
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| A Ik heb een vriend, ze noemt me baby
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| L boys should call me like that
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| A jongens zouden me zo moeten noemen
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| L call me there baby
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| L call me there baby
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| L but my mother calls me baby as well
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| A maar men moeder noemt me ook baby
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| L only when were in Italy.
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| A alleen als we in Italie zijn
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| L when I’m no good she calls me darling
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| L little darling
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| L little darling
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| A I call me, “me” whatever that may be or become
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| L I don’t believe in the word being,
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| A why?
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| L I like poetic words
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| A -Being is very poetic.
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| L No , not at all, being is an idea.
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| A -being is a verb
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| Present continuous
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| I am being
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| you are being
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| he/she/it is being
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| we are being
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| you are being
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| they are being
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| Present perfect
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| I have been
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| you have been
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| he/she/it has been
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| we have been
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| you have been
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| they have been
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| Future
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| I will be
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| you will be
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| he/she/it will be
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| we will be
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| you will be
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| they will be
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| Future perfect
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| I will have been…….
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| This is us knowing all of us want to hear something new something different
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| Lately i have been thinking
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| do we know why God created the world the way he did? I mean so complicated,
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| Because i’ve been thinking about it, and it just get more and more puzzled
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| if there is a divine plan it sure doesn’t look very divine, or planlike. it looks kinda like a mess.
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| that’s just how i feel. like i don’t know anything, it’s really scary
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| A I know what u mean I don’t even know the smallest things like the name of the prime minister, I don’t know why the sky is blue?
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| L: I don’t know what blue is,
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| A: I don’t know why i don’t know
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| L I don’t know what my dad does at work
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| A I don’t know how many differed types of insects there are , can’t even remember if a spider has 6 or 8 legs.
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| L I don’t know the difference between good art and bad art. I have no clue what a hostile takeover is, nor why junk bonds are junky, I mean why would anybody want them if they’re worthless? it doesn’t make any sense.
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| A I don’t know nothing about politics, I don’t know why carbs are bad for you, i don’t know how to spell carbon monoxide nor the meaning. I don’t know what the recipe for a good apple crumble is.
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| L I don’t know how to play the piano, I don’t know how to speak french, I don’t know how to make love, I do know how to make a scrambled egg , I know I like glitter, I know I like money, I know I like to party, I know I like to cry, I know I like to be seen.
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| A I know how stubborn i can be, I know I’m a vegetarian, i know I’m feminine , I know I’m a daughter, I know I’m short I know I’m technically not the smartest person, I know I can smile
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| I know I want to be successful
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| L own a lot of books
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| A read them
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| L books about
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| A the world
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| L society
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| A books
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| L about
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| A about
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| L about people
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| A about me
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| L I want to read a book about me
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| A write it
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| L write it with my
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| A secrets
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| L my deepest fears
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| A I want people to know me
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| L like Nietzsche
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| A like Christina
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| L Aguillera
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| A and
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| L make movies
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| A Direct them
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| L play them
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| A show them
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| L I want to make movies about love
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| A about
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| L Good
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| A stuff
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| L you see
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| A I see
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| L you see we need to have
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| A a purpose
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| L a desire
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| A a fulfilling
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| L dream
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| sometimes i wonder if i’m really named …., and that freaks me out, because if i am not, then who am i? and if i don’t have a real name what am i?
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| A: Maybe i don’t exist and this is some kind of a cruel joke My family is playing on me but I don’t know if there capable of such a thing,
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| L: i think there all faking it, particularly our parents, our social betters, people in positions of authority.
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| A: even in the middle of the night, when we are all asleep. I had a dream last night
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| L a dream
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| A I dreamed I had a baby
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| L a baby
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| A the mystery of babies.
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| L the mystery of babies.
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| A of having babies
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| L the mystery of a baby
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| A of having
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| L of wanting
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| A of wanting to have
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| L a baby
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| A the mystery of wanting to have a baby
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| L a tiny
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| A dependent
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| L a very tiny
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| A very dependent
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| L Iddy biddy
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| A widdoo widdoo
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| L baby.
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| A- the mystery
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| L of wanting to have one
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| A of wanting to own one
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| L of wanting to have one’s own
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| A baby.
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| L I want to have a baby
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| A why?
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| L I want to hold t in my arms
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| A here hold mine.
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| L I want to have one, one baby
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| A here have this one. This extra one
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| L No, I want to have my own.
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| A why?
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| L To be like me.
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| A To look like you.
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| L Yes, yes, I want a baby.
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| A To look like you
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| L Yes, yes, I want to look
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| A at that baby
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| L and see
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| A yourself
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| L Yes, and my mother
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| A Father.
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| L Yes, yes Yes I want my baby to be
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| A Your history
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| L Oooh, my history yes
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| A your history and
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| L Yes my history and
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| A Your legacy
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| L Yes, my legacy, my history and my legacy
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| A Okay, ho dear
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| L whatever you want Here’s your baby
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| A My baby
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| L He’s going to grow up
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| A Oh, not too fast I hope
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| L to be an artist
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| A: Oh my dear
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| L: you wish for so many things…
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| A And you really don’t get any of them, do you?
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| L: because the world has a wish of it’s own…
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| A: all you may do, really, is stand by, in a kind of horror, until the world is finished and you can collect whatever remains.
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| L: It must be awful to believe that.
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| A: Luca, you revise and revise and revise the thing you want… and what are you left with?
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| L: the other things you want, the trick is wanting a lot of things.
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| A: What if, maybe, i only think i’m Adina and that in fact i’m Luca and you’re Adina and that somehow we got it all mixed up, tragically.
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| L what happend?
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| A i don’t know All I know is I want to go home take off this uniform and leave the show
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| there will be a thousand performances like this you wouldn’t remember.
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| L: You think we will be useless and forgotten if we do nothing. if we just lay here?
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| A: i don’t know, all i know is we will not
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| L: what?
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| A: we will not just lay here.
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| L: i see
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| A: your looking?
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| L: i’m looking
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| A: at what?
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| L: you.
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| A: do i fit the description
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| L: i think you do.
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| Fact 1
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| Fact 2
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| Fact 3
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| Fact 4
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| Fact 5
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| Fact 6
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| Fact 7
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| sometimes I am afraid you will tell me that this is not a work of fiction
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| And then i’m going to live, my real life
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| your real life?
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| yeah my real life
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| this is your real life
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| no, nah naha my real life is
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| bigger
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| in proportion?
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| no in actions, its buzzy with visiting all kinds of countries, and i have a lot of interesting friends who collect all kind of stuff, stuff that doesn’t matter but because they expose it in a beautifully way it suddenly becomes supper interesting like,like,like this friend that collectes sand correls witch are so smal but then he puts a big lens in front of this korrel en you suddenly see all there colors and all there very special very personal details that al this korrels posses. It makes you think about originality with maybe doesn’t assist but there are still al these differences and so it’s a part of a hole and that makes me
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| imagene that the whole world is a machine
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| machines never come with any extra parts, you know
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| they always come with the exact amount they need
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| so i figured if the entire world was one big machine..
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| i couldn’t be an extra part
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| i mean it’s just touching how those sand korrels makes me think and feel and aren't those korrel just uniek it’s like they have ,like a soul
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