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Count on my maybe-ness, mariposa.

is an intuitive cycle of inconsistencies that keeps me in something not being something yet, but something shining back at me all at once even for a extremely fleeting moment. so something not being something yet is with time getting a slightly divine character on its own, and certainly a divine position in my own cosmology of flickering portals of self realisation-s ( them being of fleeting character themselves ).

Reasons are : because something not being something yet has a complete freedom to escape ghostly after having its butterfly moment. (to have a complete freedom is by itself a paradox and the butterfly just has to die after a day of glory or has to face outing itself to other “butterflies” or living creatures in order to continue existing in a physical world. (Can a butterfly instead of going back to being a caterpillar just turn into a hummingbird? )

I had a great idea today while walking to get some groceries. Walking is the best for ideas, biking is probably not enough dynamic for my pelvis. Just before entering the AH, I almost wrote it down in my phone but I didn’t thinking this is so brilliant, I’m never gonna forget it. I think I left it on that cold shelf, somewhere between the “kenyan” ( i don’t believe them) baby broccoli and the green peas, product of the vertical farming method.. How many other brilliant ideas were left homeless in that infamous Albert Hein fridge?

Because the something not being something yet exists in realm of elusive freedom, it is worth and while only to me-me-me and nobody else will have a chance to question it. Some ideas can live on that more than a butterfly can ever learn to count. But as some self revelations are just like shooting stars, some work can’t evolve without a connection to the outside. It has to get out in the dark to find the light, and it just has to forget both the raincoat and the umbrella in the worst of rain. It has to get fertilised and grow by being vulnerable due to its communication outwards. Opposites attract so strength might come as a result of it. But if you're too lazy to get a phone out and write down your brilliant shooting star, you might end up forever detesting the taste of kenyan broccoli.

I got myself a book of Andrea Zittel’s gouaches and early works ( illustrations) and most simple but consoling are the series of paint works made - as she said - out of frustration that after years of reading writing and thinking she still felt as if she knew nothing. The series is appropriately called “ I know everything and I know nothing” and is a cluster of truths, profound and trivial, suitable for many, this one right for me now. It goes : “ These things I know for sure: # 10 What makes us feel liberated is not total freedom, but rather living in a set of limitations, which we have created and prescribed for ourselves. “

Thank you Andrea for reminding me.

——————————————————————————————————————— > How to build a structure //

In thinking about what my work is / or is trying to be - it is helpful to start from an inspirational point

You say: 'the real', 'the world as it is'. 
 But it is not, it becomes, It moves, it changes. It doesn’t wait for us to change…. It is more mobile than you can imagine. 
 You are getting closer to this reality when you say it ‘presents itself'; that means that it is not there, existing as an object. 
 The world, 'the real' is not an object. It is a process. " 
 — John Cage

> How to write a a statement having both the inspiration and my own opus in mind :

Most of my work generally explores ambiguity, really. Intuitively, i’m researching the visual correspondences around me. There happens a certain process, over the years of collecting and building your opus, when you become aware of your own visual code which forms a narrative through its own symbolism. Through composing visual puzzles, making and layering new meanings and narratives through reinterpretation, recombination, tensions and personal perspective shift . It can be a process of personal healing. It can be nothing much, and it can take time to be of use. Also, it can be roaming the natures of feeling and reason, measuring distances between the opposites, counting degrees of human inter-actions and destruction. Human inter-actions that are sometimes better to be visually described with tropical trees, open seas, cement buildings and heaps of plastic.

These visual metaphors that I am playing with in search of a story within a story, is like a puzzle that is so big it needs to be played and replayed in many different combinations, on many levels of the game. You have to die so many times. More then you change the batteries. and when the time is right the story will connect and grow further, possibly. Further meaning, I hope photography is not the only medium to be fixed to.

If a photograph, as all around us - is a fragment composed of other fragments, a slipping in and out of synch, possibilities of expression are rather big for positioning of yourself as a hunter with a device for claiming history. Or rather, present. Or really the passage of present onto past. Or to be precise - that hole between it.

There is a chord in one of Wagner’s operas, Tristan and Isolda. Not that he invented it, it has existed before and after him, just in different correspondences. There is an opening( tones) , followed by a silence, a waiting. And during that pause, you enter the expression of longing he materialised , it sucks you in and you can touch the tension of it.

Being aware of harmony can mess you up completely if you don’t let go.