View source for Nihal text on practice 1st draft



'''''What have you been making?'''''

"I'm here" is a short film which explores the phenomena of the distance between subconscious thought and conscious action. The film constitutes of moving images of everyday residential surroundings that takes the perspective of the viewer as the key character and walks them through sequences of images layered with text. The images are symbolic in nature and are meant to emphasise feelings of neglect and inaction despite awareness of the consequences. Dying house plants are used as a metaphor for ideas, actions and/or ambitions that were neglected and forgotten even though they were of potential importance and perhaps even assumed necessity to the viewer. 

'''''How did you do it?'''''

The project started with a collection of ideas[1] for scenes, textures and images that were loosely connected with the theme of urgency and broader topics such as war, climate change and industrialisation. The goal was to use these broader topics as an example of consequence of neglect and inaction and employ the feelings of helplessness in relation to such events. A partial goal of the film was also to emphasise the feelings of presence and make the viewers acutely aware of the space they were inhabiting.

To realise these broad images, the intention was to use Artificial Intelligence for image generation and use very long duration, static white shots to light up the cinema room so that the viewer can easily see the space and their neighbours and would have time to break out of the screen.

However the limitations of current state of Artificial Intelligence quickly made it clear that such image generation tools would be insufficient to realise the aforementioned moving image sequences. The project then shifted into a more personal and individualised direction. Instead of addressing the theme through such broad topics as climate change, a more personal metaphor of neglect i.e. dying houseplants was used. 

The first version of the film consisted of black and white shots of residential area. Effects were used to warp the images to create a depressing and eerie atmosphere and the background soundtrack was also chosen to serve this purpose. The sequence consisted of images of plants with their leaves falling apart, images of plants and trees in the neighbourhood as a reference for what the dying plants could potentially become if they were not neglected and a image of a person working in the background who is the neglectful caretaker.

The film lacked linearity and it seemed that the phenomena of neglect needed a past, present and potential future to make sense. 

The  final version of the film consisted also of shots of residential neighbourhood, but this time in very vivid and saturated colours and a lot of slow moving shots of water and trees and birds. 

The slow moving shot of water and trees were symbolic of a flourishing and hopeful past.

The present is embodied using a shot of dry and dying houseplant slowly moving with the wind. This signifies the neglect and inattention on part of the viewer.

Breaking plant pot is used as a transition point to the unchangeable future. The final scene is a long slow motion shot of bird flying in blue skies which simultaneously signifies acceptance of the consequences of action which are now permanent in nature and despair / regret in light of a potentially free and vivid future which was never realised.  

After making the two versions I realised the effects of my environment on the process and the outcome in the form of the films. The first version was mostly shot and edited in the month of December when the skies were grey, days were short with barely any light and the environment was very isolated with most of my friends away for holidays. This seemed to directly translate into the images that i shot and edited as they too were grey and perhaps a bit depressing in nature. In contrast the first few weeks of January were quite Sunny and a relief from the previous months. That sense of relief was also translated into the second and final version of the film in the form of the various vivid colours and slow motion shots in combination with somber and melodic music. Even though the broader theme in both versions were the same, I found that the relief and space offered in the second version amidst the slow shots gives more room for the viewer to reflect and for memories to surface which can potentially be transposed with the ideas conveyed in the film.

'''''Relation to previous practice?'''''

With the previous short film that I made there are parallels in terms of the themes of the current actions affecting the future and the importance and weight of current decisions. Both films are without dialogue or voice and the plot is conveyed via subtitles. I like the idea of the text being open-ended and not very concrete, allowing the viewer to project their own experiences on to the characters. 

Both films also end on a unresolved unambiguous note, tending in the direction of despair and regret.   

'''Relation to larger context'''

Mainstream cinema, more broadly speaking, tends to have the main character follow an arc and emerge victorious despite the challenges. I like the exploration of sombre reality in film. Films like ''Manchester by the Sea'' or ''Barry Lyndon'' where the main character doesn't end up victorious and with resolved internal conflicts. Especially in ''Manchester by the sea'' [2] the character's life takes a dark turn through one unfortunate event and even though he sees glimpses of hope, he still is unable to get himself out of the hole of despair even rejecting opportunities to get better and help from his friends/family. 

I think thats a more accurate picture of reality for a lot of lives and individuals. And I believe that sometimes its not even within the influence of people to be able to change the course of their lives independently. External circumstances play a very big role in our lives, sometimes more than we tend to acknowledge. 

The works of Psychologist and Addiction Therapist ''Anna Lembke'' have had a lot of influence on my work. Specifically her research into the role dopamine plays in decision making[3] and how its very easy for short term gratification to overpower good long term decisions. She discusses the notion of subconscious mind in its relation with addiction and how some actions are generated by subconscious mind and can only be realised by the conscious brain in retrospect.

In her book "Dopamine Nation" she shares many stories of the clients she treated, many of whom, despite the realisation of their situation and with an extreme determination to get better, were unable to break the cycle of addiction. And while substance addiction is perhaps on the more extreme end of the spectrum when it comes to being powerless to affect one's circumstances, I think the same principles apply to many aspects of our decision making and/or lack thereof.

References: 

[1]  Scribbled scenes and ideas :

_pigeon explodes, urgency, sirens, fluorescence, space, ambience, focus on the darkness

re-contextualise, the future, ice sheets, glistening, bubbles, pop, bright red orange yellow, geometric boxes, solid patterns flat

viewer must be aware that the maker is aware of the space they inhabit

graphic imagery, pigeons exploding, skin, veins, blood.

Point the viewers in space and bring them to current space

use strobe to wake them

skin splits slowly, gross and grotesque musculature

whale fat, demolished, dark

feeble, weak, pathetic, skinny man falling apart

breathing and heartbeats_

[2] Grief as a Cognitive Metaphore in “Manchester by the Sea” <nowiki>https://journals.eco-vector.com/2074-0832/article/view/14600</nowiki>

[3] The Roles of Dopamine and Serotonin in Decision Making: Evidence from Pharmacological Experiments in Humans <nowiki>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3055502/</nowiki>