View source for Zhibin‘s draft proposal 2

===1.What do you want to make===
I will make a video based experimental project, the theme is about observing the transition of myself as a mentally imprisoned person when I was living in China and now living in Nederland where is relatively strange and safe.
When I was in the elementary school I got abused by my teacher during a sport meeting in the public. Ever since then I can always feel someone is watching me and getting ready to hurt me, especially when I need to speak in the public. However, since I came to Europe in 2017, this fear is gradually fading away. I am curious to know the reason behind it and to dig into the memory from that period. 
Studying process in PZI witnessed the transition of my attitude on artworks and life. From my first film to the latest, all of them are full of confusing and confliction. Most of the time during the first year, I was focusing on the technical skills of film making. Till the end of last semester, I tried to experience the difference of expressing in the public here, for example the Air Pollution project I made in China, I added my own voiceover in the previous film to tell the real story and my real opinion. Luckily, I get big support from my tutors and classmates.
For the final project, I will take advantage of the stable condition I can remain while I am living in Nederland, to open the memory of me being abused. Based on the result of it, I will discuss how normal people deal with memory, how artist deal with their memory while connect it with others and how can I deal with my memory as a filmmaker and resonate with the public. 

===2. How do you want to make===
Since the summer of 2018 I have a psychologist helping me. She guided me back to my childhood when I was abused by the teacher. She told me that the physical abuse may cause the permanent damage to the mind. To have a better understanding, I will do a small research on the theory of psychology behind this issue. Meanwhile, I will write dairy to record the conversation between me and the psychologist. References related to artist creating works origins from their own memory, approaches of developing personal emotion and memory into a public project will be studied. Then based on information I collected, the script of a film will be discussed and shot. 
Technically, I will learn how to fly and shoot with the drone from a professional drone photographer. And Learn how to use the latest stabilizer with my former coworker for filming the dynamic scenes.

===3.What is your timetable? ===
October/November <br>
Write the dairy about the conversation between me and the psychologist. <br>
Do a research on the theory of psychology and related references.<br>
Sketch details from the memory. <br>
Learn how to use a drone and a new stabilizer. <br>

December /January <br>
Collect all the information I have and see the connection between them.<br>
write the script for the final film. <br>

February/March <br>
Shoot the film and edit <br>
Get feedback from tutors, classmates etc. <br>

April <br>
Adjust the film due to the feedback<br>
Finish the project. <br>

===4. Why do you want to make it? ===
First of all, I want to know how does our memory store as a constantly working system, why does a small part of memory can cause a huge impact on others and how does it affect our behaviors. What happens when the living environment changes. I am not trying to analyze from the neurology or science subject but from an artistic angle. 
Secondary, there are good memories, bad memories and normal memories. I want to have an overview about the possibility and diversity of artists who develop their works from their most important memory, and explore my own approach to develop a film as a way to share my memory with the public.
Observing my own transition is an action of encouraging more people who are living in the shadow. The anatomy of my story will be an example of how a man break though his own mental prison. 

===5. Who can help you and how?===
Simon, David, Ina, they can help me on critical thinking and narrative skills. <br>
Barend, he can teach me many technical tools which are needed in my experimental film. <br>
My psychologist, guiding me back to my old memory.<br>
Former coworkers, they can be my cameraman and editors etc.

===6. Relation to previous practice. ===
This project is the continuation of my previous works in PZI. I spent most of my time during the first year on technological skills, like using the camera and editing. The result of this was my project called: <The impression of Italy>. This project shows that I was during the period of searching for the safe zone. Later when I started making narrative films like <Intersection> <walk slowly>, I pushed myself into a confusing zone where I had the desire to challenge my fear. During this period, I still had a lot of hesitation remaining. 
All these experiences lead me to my final project, I will observe the change of my mindset, behaviors and my art works. The result of it will be the film and thesis. 

The Impression of Italy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl3-VgHdF4c&list=PLlGUzclkWY9_aHOh549gILOjxuw0UY7Px

Intersection
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiCXzwOZgP4&list=PLlGUzclkWY99L4rlrXlc82s8WNDjYngDq

Walk Slowly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJWsis5wfsU&feature=youtu.be

===7. Relation to a larger context. ===
Tehching Hsieh, 
In his ‘One Year Performance’ project, he explores the meaning of time between doing art and living lives. <br>
Agnes Varda - The Beaches of Agnes<br>
Chantal Akerman- News from Home 

===8. References. ===

Janneke lam  <Empathic Vision: affect ,trauma, and contemporary Art>

Susan Sontag <Regarding the Pain of Others>