User:Thijshijsijsjss/Notes from Up There
So I'm lеaving this body
And I'm never coming home again, yеah
I'll bury the 'atchet
Between the window and the kingdom of men
Oh, I'm becoming a worm now
And I'm looking for a place to live, yeah
Here I come now
Week 1
Monday: grad show meeting, collective publication meeting, discussing pen plotted 3d movie with Joseph
Tuesday: skipped collective publication meeting
Thursday: grad show meeting online, grad supervision meeting
Saturday: oh my, I didn't realize there's only a week's time between my thesis deadline and the grad show
Week 2
wait no, there is a month extra after all!
Pen Plotting Party interviewed
GRS: deadline extension and plans?
Kamo exhibition opening, xpub1 SI26 launch event
Week 3
Currently, my focus continues to be demanded on live outside of xpub. While unfortunate in some ways -- for example having to miss the legendary grad show mock-up meeting -- I do believe it is for the best in the long run. Luckily, I feel a little more mental bandwidth for reaquinting myself with the thesis (which, naturally, has taken over the project a bit at the moment).
Thesis Mapping
For a while now, the bottleneck for my thesis has been the format. Not the physical presentation, but rather the matter in which the (nonlinear) contents are presented to the reader. While the wiki is dear to me, and this format has been encouraged by Michael and Marloes, I haven't been able to accept this as final form. There are 2 main reasons: (1) to justify the wiki, I would want to make full use of it. As this text is a documentation of my project's development, I think that many of the wiki's artifacts, while intersting, do not contribute meaningfully to the story I want to present. Not in it's current state at least, and rewriting to allow for a deep and inspired use would be a lot of work. Also, (2) I persist on wanting a physical version of the thesis. This is a ambition I've had since the start of the year, one I'm apparantly not willing to let go of, and one that puts constraints on the way a user would navigate the text. In particular: exuberent use of hyperlinking tends to not work as well on paper. Instead, I've been thinking about a 'wrapper' to address the reader with, which would be a sort of CYOA / TA game on top of the thesis's main text, through and with which the reader would navigate.
Grad Supervision
In this week's grad supervision meeting, Michael seemed receptive to this idea. In my final map sketch, I included a little drawing of what a physical version could look like, with the faint subtitle 'A counter manual'. This was mainly there as filler, but when Michael asked about it, I said something along the lines of 'this text does not try to instruct or dictate. Quite the opposite: it hopes to invite something personal, and trusts that you can navigate that by yourself'. This led us to talk about how we can lean into that manual format. In particular, Michael suggested the above mapping as a manual-style flowchart. The edges could be abstract ways of navigating, like 'feeling perplexed? Go here.': something the reader parses (themselves). I think this has potential. I will have to see if and how to combine this with the wrapper: a flowchart can work without 'narrative game'. Some things to play with: in physical form, page order need not be grouped by contents, but another order can be instilled here (like chronology of writing). Also, flowchart can allow for different node shapes for another layer of information. Finally, LaTeX might be used for (for a million reasons).
The LaTeX Resurgence (Another Map)
I translated the most recent map to LaTeX, with the hopes that this would allow me to play around with some in-pdf linking. This has brought about a curious shift in my thesis workflow: I find myself drifting away from the wiki, and notice myself considering this heap of LaTeX the main text.
LaTeX has always been the default fallback option for this thesis. This makes it sound negative, but actually I think it's quite appropriate: not only does LaTeX allow for all customization and interactivity I might want to push this thesis to a game-like experience, it also carries an archaic 'manualism' with it naturally. And to my surprise, it allows for a way more meandering, non-linear writing process.
In many ways, LaTeX was my wiki-predecessor: both have been ways not just to capture thoughts, but actually spark thoughts by working with them. By deeply familiarizing myself with them, they have been introspective processing tools as much as tools for typesetting and sharing.
I am curious to see how this will develop. Will another processing tool find its way to me?
Week 4 -- MAY BREAK
Doing a lot of thesis work!
Snackbar Frieda Ice Cream Assembly
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Week 5
Still on the train headed to thesistown.
More mapping
Week 6
Feeling like the thesis was in a place where I would be able to submit it any time if I needed to, I felt inclined to take a little time off from it (and the looming grad project) and focus on some side quests. This felt good. Now returning to the thesis, I find myself in a mindset of 'just wrapping it up'. Not in a way that is nonchalant per se, but definitely also not as obsessively panicky as before. Good things.
Benches Game Poem
Some people, among which Game Poems: Videogame Design as Lyric Practise author Jordan Magnuson, have initiated a new magazine, also called Game Poems. Being intruiged by this medium and the shift of mindset it encourages to make when considering video games, I figured this would be a nice opportunity to submit something. In fact, part of changing my academic route has been a frustration with the hegemony of games. So now that I'm nearing the end of the xpub tunnel, it would be nice to return to this issue with fresh motivation to chase what and how videogames can be.
Last month, I made an edit of a photo Michael took of a very long bench on Brienenoord. I thought it would be nice to build on this. A little game where the player places stick figures on a bench. Through these vignettes, a little story would (could) be told, while at the same time commenting on Rotterdam's hostile architecture.
Ducky Repair
'Ducky is kill'. 'No.'
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On The Use of the Wiki; Where to look?
These days, I'm often reminded of John and Hank Green. I will admit, I am quick to embrace any excuse to be reminded of them, but nevertheless I am. And for insightful reasons, I think.
John and Hank started the youtube channel 'Vlogbrothers' in 2007, a project for which they abandoned all textual communication, only updating each other through alternating video logs. They have kept this (minus the no textual contact) up until this day. Watching their videos, it is clear that for them it is a way to produce. They are active people, the produce a lot (creative work, educational work, business work, humanitarian work, family work, ...). Their videos seem to be the backbone to their structure of producing. A backbone that allows them to be very reflective, open, and intimate.
The wiki has served me a similar purpose these past 2 years. It has provided me a space to keep the engine running, to provide structure in widespread projects. A place that is reflective, open and intimate.
The question of the wiki becomes increasingly relevant as the year draws to a close. I have noticed my diaristic tendencies changing -- in part because of my attention being required elsewhere, in part because of a feeling of temporality that is now starting to engulf my xpub experience. Around me, I hear different concerns for the wiki. Many are shy to post their words here, because they might want them published elsewhere. Or they might not want their potential entries to be seen by future eyes. These are valid points, though of a lesser concern to me. So I wonder, what will I do after this year? The wiki has proven so fruitful to my practise, and I would be amiss not to have an outlet like it. However, it seems only right to start looking for this outlet elsewhere. Without the social context of my classmates this wiki wouldn't serve me the same. And with my parasitic presence after this year, I wouldn't serve the wiki the same. Oh, where to look?
Week 7
Ducky Repair Volume 2
'Ducky is live.' 'Yes.'
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Manetta Meeting: Manual Manifestation
I had a tutorial with Manetta, primarily with the hopes of brainstorming formats for the physical publication I want to make from my thesis. Beforehand, I had thought about several options:
For now, the plan is as follows:
- Use ring binding: feeling manual, but not distant. Works with game format too, because the reader can flip all pages to the back so that they only see their current page.
- Have a fold out A4 map in the back: the map is not legible on A5, and it is something I want the reader to return to easily.
- Files of the project I might spread as a print-and-play booklet, but like The Ground Itself by Pipkin Everest, for example. The thesis can be distributed alongside these files.
We had the opportunity to talk for two tutorial slots, which made it possible for Manetta to read parts of my thesis and to discuss the grad show as well. This was very valuable. Her feedback has made me more confident in this document achieving my goals for it: being a vulnerable, subtle text that reads like a game. With my thesis deadline coming up this Friday, that is a great reassurance.
Ladies and Gentleman We're Floating in Space
(interviews)
Handing in the thesis
(or not due to the office being closed)
Prepping for another, final playtesting session
Week 8
Handing in the thesis (reprise)
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To theme or not the theme
For my grad project, while preparing for the upcoming playtesting session, I am once again working on a scripted game, a pen and paper text-adventure. I am at a crossroads: do I work with a theme? In particular: The Robot Assembly Line and Social Performance Testing Facility.
- Working with the robot analogy is quite useful. It provides a playful metaphor that is maybe easier to get into than playing 'real life'. It also provides something fantastical true to the text-adventure spirit, and an excuse for a quest and game-world interactions.
- But ultimately, any theme would just be a facade for what I actually hope to achieve: real life human interaction and reflection. No theme has its elegance in that. Also it seems easier to adapt to the grad show (or a general exhibition setting for that matter).
The two pubic moments have used one strategy each: the first used the robot theme, the second didn't. While I liked both, people seemed more resonant with the reflective mood in the first, though it's hard to say if that was because of the theme or other factors (like it being solo instead of together).
On the subject of being, I also signed a new contract
The noise. The noise.
Map of first Year
We're not scaremongering This is really happening, happening Mobiles skwerking, mobiles chirping Take the money and run Take the money and run, take the money Here I'm alive Everything all of the time
Map of second Year
Forked Dialogues #3
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Week 9
Brienenoord visit (rehearsing for the future)
Thesis Publication Draft
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Week 10
Human Parser Print-n-Play Website
Inspired by (last year's research into) print-n-play games, I've been working towards molding Human Parser into a print-and-playable game. To that end, I wanted to make a little website for this project. That, in addition to this being another 'public' to create alongside / with Human Parser.
I am always scared and hesitant to touch web projects, but this went surprisingly smoothly. I might tweak the font etc, to sell the text-adventureness more, but overall I'm happy with the state it is in.
Moving moving moving
Collective Publication Photo Drop
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Week 11
Sneaky Extra Playtests
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T6 Assessment
Week 12
More thesis publications
Website work
- thijsoid.com -> personal home page
- humanparser.thijsoid.com -> human parser project website
Grad Show Preparations
I've felt my excitement for the grad show decrease over the past two weeks or so. Maybe it's just nerves, but I feel like my presence there as currently conceptualized is so meaningless. I've been planning to do a similar intervention as the first and second public moment, but as a 1-on-2 and intended as a 'tutorial' and invitation to the bigger game.
The game itself I am okay-ish content with. I think it's a sufficiently interesting and novel text-adventure experience, though I don't think it conveys the nuances and delicacies to the extent I was able to with the thesis. And I even think it's valuable to introduce this in a thematic, performative way. But nevertheless... I can't help but feel my plans are aimless. I don't feel the same 'mischief', the same urgency, or the same potential. I worry I'm making a fool of myself (with a lot of people outside of the bubble, a lot of worlds colliding). A fool, not because I don't want to show these people such a moment, but rather a fool because this time around, my moment is so glaringly devoid of urgency, humor, surprise, sharpness, ...