'''Lotte's Self-Directed Research'''

Self-Directed Research

==== I feel like my memory has always been bad. Growing up I didn’t remember much of my early childhood and a lot of things remain a blur to me. I was a weird kid, with weird thoughts. One of my earliest memories was one of me laying in my little bed, probably half asleep, feeling certain about the fact that I was the reincarnation of jesus (I’m sad to say that as for now, this hasn’t proven itself verifiable).
Memories are a fascinating thing to me. I often catch myself riding my bike or walking and seeing people pass the street, thinking; ‘I want to remember this, this moment, this face, this scene.’, whilst making a ‘mental picture’ in my mind. Sometimes even putting my fingers in the shape of a frame and making a clicking sound, like you see people doing in movies. I concluded that I don’t own a mental camera, or if I do it really doesn’t work well; I now only remember that I wanted to remember something, not the actual scene itself.
I often wished my memory would work better, that I could recall certain things more easily. That I would know what is ‘true’ about my memories as a child, and what imagined. Since they are so sparse I hold on to them dearly. In an episode of Black Mirror called "The Entire History of You" the characters have a ‘grain’ implanted, an instrument like a camera that records everything they see and hear, with the possibility to playback any time. As a filmmaker I often wondered if I would like to have the option to record everything. What would it mean regarding my sense of identity, being able to look up all the events that shaped me? ====

==== For the self-directed research I continued the ideas I was working on last year concerning memory and the digital. These have related subject that I've worked on. I’ve been collecting and experimenting a lot with different forms of expression. It hasn’t become a concrete work yet. ====